Children invited to the wedding?

meganhardan · January 2011

I'm wondering whether or not other people are inviting children to their wedding. I'd really like to limit children to only family members (i.e. FI's nieces/nephews who are in the wedding party), but I don't know how to do that without offending anyone. I know some people on our guest list will be totally fine with it and would rather leave their kids home, but I also can think of a few on the list who I'm pretty sure will be upset that their children (and in some cases babies!) aren't invited. How is everyone else dealing with this? I hope this post doesn't make me sound mean, I totally love children, but I just kind of want to have our wedding be more of an adult event, and we are also tight on space

fancynewbecca · January 2011

I hear you.

I think a lot of people will say if you're going to invite children (with the exception of WP kids) then you have to allow everyone's kids.

I disagree.

WP kids, kids who I see on a frequent basis, and kids of guests who are flying in are also invited to our wedding. Sorry, other people. We handled it like this:

1. We knew people wouldn't be offended. You have to know your guests.

2. We addressed invitions very specifically.

3. On the response cards we put "______ seats have been reserved in your honor" and then we filled in the number.

4. We tested the waters with a few people before we sent out invites. For example, I have a cousin who is married with 3 kids. It came down to: Do I invite her and her husband with no kids, or do I not invite the whole family? We had a get together this summer and my mom (which is why I love her) brought it up to her. My cousin was like, "A night alone with my husband in Seattle with no kids? Sign me up" All we had to do was ask.

It's touchy, but not impossible. Good luck!

kittenly · January 2011

We are not "inviting" the kids but will have a nursery and attendant for young kids and babies available.

mgoss228 · January 2011

We aren't inviting children under the age of 14. We're paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves, and while we don't hate kids, we really want a fun "party" atmosphere and don't want our guests to be distracted by youngin's at the party, and our venue isn't really equipped to handle unsupervised children.

We realise that this might keep some guests at home (with their children), but most guests are getting babysitters for that night. There are Pro's and Con's with having a "No Kids" policy.

MacPanda · January 2011

We're having no kids. While I love kids, I just don't think an indoor evening wedding is a great place for them. They wouldn't enjoy it and it would be difficult in our venue to accomodate them. It's a historic site and they actually don't allow kids in one of the rooms we're using. We tested the waters with a few people well ahead of time and they all seem to be understanding.

I know etiquette says that you're supposed to just address the envelope to the names of those guests that are invited - i.e. Mr. & Mrs. Fred & Wilma Flintstone and not baby bam bam. However, I had a friend who had troubles with people understanding that if Bam Bam wasn't on the envelope than he wasn't invited. Thus, I'm taking the direct approach. "Adults Only" on the invitation and "# of seats reserved in your honor" on the RSVP card.

I agree that it's tricky and we may end up offending some people. However, I really still hope that people decide to make it a night out and enjoy themselves free from distraction.

kimberlyaa · January 2011

i, too, am not having children at the ceremony or reception.

on the invites, i made sure to say "adult cocktail reception".. and i am using my ourwedding.com website to allow RSVP which only has the names that i enter i.e. if i invite 2 parents and 0 kids, there will only be each parents name to mark yes or no and no way of adding another name. i just hope people dont bring their kids anyway.

i am a little nervous... but hope it will work out!

sarack · January 2011

I didn't want children at the wedding but we still had some. Of course we didn't want to exclude our nieces and nephews but we wanted their parents to have fun too. We ended up telling our sister and brother that their children could come. 5 children ended up coming. It wasn't that bad.... but honestly, we would have been way over budget and I think I would have been annoyed if a bunch of bad kids came. I say, leave them out.

ckonidak · January 2011

Not that anyone's answer is wrong or right, but I would recommend asking the ladies on the Etiquette board about this, or just looking through a few of the posts on there about this subject. I'd hate for you to put anyone, including yourself, in an uncomfortable position by not being aware of what is usually considered "acceptable" and what goes against the generally-agreed-upon etiquette about kids and weddings.

meganhardan · January 2011

Thank you everyone for your advice, I'm glad to know I'm not alone on this one. I'm still not sure what we are going to end up doing, I may look at the equitte board, but we might just end up dealing with it on a case by case basis. I hope it works out for all of us!

Children invited to the wedding?

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