kIds at the reception

ErinA21086 · April 2011

We have six kids involved in the wedding. My fiance and I decided to have the kids stay for dinner but then they would have to leave. I gave every parent 9 months notice. I told everyone that a wedding is for adults and I also want the parents to have a nice night out,

Here is where it becomes an issue..
My fiance Ryan's brother (Matt) is in the wedding. He is the best man. Ryan's niece is the flower girl. (the best man's daughter) His wife said to me
" Well if she has to leave (flower girl) then Matt and I are leaving too"
so then his best man will be leaving an hour into the reception

Is this crazy? It is a five hour reception.. you mean to tell me that you cant find a sitter. Im so annoyed with her...and the funny thing is she had the same rule at her wedding. The hall is 15minutes away from their house. Its ridiculous. Any ideas ladies?

mbcdefg · April 2011

You're being really rude to ask them to participate in the wedding and then basically kick them out after dinner. It doesn't matter that you gave them 9 months notice ... you're asking them to do something REALLY inconvenient.

Either let the kids stay all night, or hire a sitter yourself.

I told everyone that a wedding is for adults and I also want the parents to have a nice night out

If you really felt that way then you shouldn't have invited the kids to the wedding at all. Not, "Oh, we want you to look cute walking down the aisle, but then you're no longer welcome once you've served that purpose."

hlq2011 · April 2011

If parents want a night out from their kids, they can arrange it without your directive. Just saying. We're doing an adult wedding (for the most part), but it's because of budget and because we didn't want three thousand kids under the age of ten running around at ten o'clock at night.

If you want kids in the wedding, they should be able to come to the reception. If you don't want kids at the reception, then don't have them in the wedding.

These parents supposed to just... run home after dinner, and drop their kids off with a sitter, and then come back? Come on, be reasonable.

If I had to leave to bring my kid home, I wouldn't be coming back either.

ErinA21086 · April 2011

you seem to be a bit angry about this. Maybe I will hire a sitter...I didnt even think about that. Your response was rude so I find it funny that you would call me that.

mbcdefg · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kids-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:101338a8-4c1e-4ff6-8209-64939422d648Post:0ef28775-4f7d-46da-9629-7639034e5c31">Re: kIds at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]you seem to be a bit angry about this. Maybe I will hire a sitter...I didnt even think about that. Your response was rude so I find it funny that you would call me that.
Posted by ErinA21086[/QUOTE]

I'm not at all angry. I don't know you, I will never meet you and I don't really give two flying rat turds what happens at your wedding because it in no way impacts me.

But you asked what to do, and I gave my advice ... you are being rude and you are the one who needs to do something about this situation, not them.

It's not rude to tell you that your behavior is rude.

KristieA13 · April 2011

I would just hire a sitter. We aren't allowing kids to be at our wedding at all because its not exactly a family affair, no one is going to be watching kids when they are drinking and dancing and having a good time. I understand what you are saying, just hire a sitter to keep the kids at the wedding in a different room.

cschuma2 · April 2011

You can hire a sitter to be there at the reception location, but you certainly cannot expect everyone to take advantage of this. I don't have kids, but if they were younger, I likely would not feel comfortable leaving them with a stranger that I have never met before. It's a nice idea, but be prepared that some people will not be totally on board with it.

8daysaweek · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kids-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:101338a8-4c1e-4ff6-8209-64939422d648Post:318978a2-8050-4d68-811c-dfcdfef7ce57">kIds at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]We have six kids involved in the wedding. My fiance and I decided to have the kids stay for dinner but then they would have to leave. I gave every parent 9 months notice. I told everyone that a wedding is for adults and I also want the parents to have a nice night out, Here is where it becomes an issue.. My fiance Ryan's brother (Matt) is in the wedding. He is the best man. Ryan's niece is the flower girl. (the best man's daughter) His wife said to me " Well if she has to leave (flower girl) then Matt and I are leaving too" so then his best man will be leaving an hour into the reception Is this crazy? It is a five hour reception.. you mean to tell me that you cant find a sitter. Im so annoyed with her...and the funny thing is she had the same rule at her wedding. The hall is 15minutes away from their house. Its ridiculous. Any ideas ladies?
Posted by ErinA21086[/QUOTE]

Your request and the way you're phrasing things are very rude. I would be extremely irritated. If you want a no kids wedding, that's fine, but you should be more polite and respectful about it.

It's very unreasonable of you to expect parents to leave your reception to take their child somewhere for babysitting and then return to your reception.

And honestly I think the entire idea of having the kids in your wedding then sending them away for the reception is rude. Children aren't props you pull out to look cute when you want them to and then send them away when you're done with them. I don't understand how you can say - in a pretty uppity way, IMO - that "a wedding is for adults" but have kids in your wedding party. The ceremony is part of the wedding. If you want a no kids wedding, why have them there at all? It doesn't make any sense to me.

ETA: And hiring a sitter is a nice gesture but I personally wouldn't leave our daughter with someone we didn't know and you probably will have other parents who feel the same way. She only stays with us, a close family member (grandparents and aunts/uncles only) or her daytime sitter.

marinabreeze · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kids-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:101338a8-4c1e-4ff6-8209-64939422d648Post:0ef28775-4f7d-46da-9629-7639034e5c31">Re: kIds at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]you seem to be a bit angry about this. Maybe I will hire a sitter...I didnt even think about that. Your response was rude so I find it funny that you would call me that.
Posted by ErinA21086[/QUOTE]
I think malphabet said that because what you've proposed to do is in fact rude. I can't exactly speak for her, but I sure did not get an angry tone from her post. Just because she doesn't agree with what you're doing doesn't make her (or any of the other PPs) angry.

Whether your sister did the same thing or not isn't the point (and I'm sure if she asked TK prior to the wedding Knotties would've said the same thing).

If you feel that your wedding is for adults only, that's fine. However, if you don't want kids there, you should not have invited them at all. You can't expect for parents to bring their kids to the wedding and to the dinner, then to not only take the kids home, but come back to the party. I don't even have kids but generally speaking, if I leave a party to go home, for whatever reason, chances are I'm not coming back to the party.

Please reconsider this. I'm sure that the BM and his family won't be the only families leaving right after dinner if you continue to insist on booting the kids early.

Keb1216 · April 2011

yep I agree..provide a sitter

Wiscisbliss · April 2011

What is the reason you do not want the kids at the reception? To give the parents a break? If so, let them decide that for themselves.

As a kid I went to a dozen weddings with my 4 siblings. We were always well behaved (drank kiddie cocktails, danced, tried to catch the bouquet, talked with our cousins, and occasionally fell asleep at the dinner table when it got past 10 PM). The time we were poorly behaved was at my Unlce's wedding when we were taken by a babysitter to an adjoining room where the babies were sleeping and a baby movie was playing. We wanted to go to the party and eat cake! So we escaped!

DNAtime · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kids-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:101338a8-4c1e-4ff6-8209-64939422d648Post:318978a2-8050-4d68-811c-dfcdfef7ce57">kIds at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Is this crazy? It is a five hour reception.. you mean to tell me that you cant find a sitter. Im so annoyed with her...and the funny thing is she had the same rule at her wedding. The hall is 15minutes away from their house. Its ridiculous. Any ideas ladies?
Posted by ErinA21086[/QUOTE]

What is crazy is that your kicking a WP member (flower girl) and family member (niece) out of you five hour reception after dinner is over. I think your request is ridiculous.

My advice, let the girl stay all night or don't let her come at all, that includes the ceremony.
How you would you feel if someone did this to you? Just because they are a child doesn't make them a prop. Its not like taking your dog home and dropping it off.

shopgrl3177 · April 2011

I think it's crazy to ask people to spend the money for their children to be in your wedding and then kick them out after dinner. Yes, some people would like an adult evening out, but those people will find a sitter on their own. Other people enjoy spending time with their children and want them at the reception - especially if it is a family event. If I had to leave the wedding to take my children home I would not come back and I would certainly not pay for a sitter to watch them while I was at the wedding. If you're going to ask people to take their children home you need to be prepared for them not to come back. Hiring a sitter yourself is a nice guesture but before you do it you might want to talk to your relatives and see if they would leave their kids with a stranger.

trix1223 · April 2011

Sorry Erin. Someone is wrong here, and it's not your SIL. And the only person who seems a bit "angry" is also you.

What you're proposing in rude to the children in your WP, rude to their families who will be spending $$ for their kids to be adorable in your WP, and extremely inconvenient to the people.

FWIW: If I were asked to take my children home from a reception, I wouldn't be returning either. You're asking me to gather up all my "stuff", leave the venue, pick up the babysitter, drop the kids off at home, get everyone settled in, and then return? Not gonna happen.

I'm sorry that I'm with the pps: if you truly want a child-free wedding (and that's just fine-both our son and DIL and DD and SIL had child free weddings), then it's child free from start to finish: from walking down the aisle to the last note of the last dance of the evening.

But good luck to you.

Summer2011Bride · April 2011

What you are doing is incredibly rude. If you don't want kids at the wedding, make it adults-only. If my kid was getting "kicked out" after dinner, I would hightail it out of there too. It's not up to you if they want a night out or not. If that's the case, they'll leave their kids at home on their own accord. If they wanted to hire a sitter, they would have already. It sounds like you'd be better off not inviting kids (although it may be too late to do this). If I was told, "Sorry, your kid will have to leave an hour into it," I would have not come and not sent a gift. And you are angry the parents are leaving--how do you expect the little kid to get home? Drive?

annherle · April 2011

You might want to relax a little. I mean how do you execpt everyone to find a sitter. i dont blame them for wanting to leave, i would to. I believe all weddings should have some children. I went to a wedding where they asked for no children but people brought them anyways because they had NO choice, not everyone can get a sitter. Just relax and let it go. Let the kids be at the party.

regan117 · April 2011

The FG is a WP member. And you're going to kick her out after dinner?

arieschic23 · April 2011

I too am struggling with the kids vs no kids at the wedding. Maybe think about just having the BP kids go home after the ceremony/pictures. That way they are taken care of before the reception begins.

trix1223 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kids-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:101338a8-4c1e-4ff6-8209-64939422d648Post:3373a234-77db-4c2c-baa9-0e43eec7f4f5">Re: kIds at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I too am struggling with the kids vs no kids at the wedding. Maybe think about just having the BP kids go home after the ceremony/pictures. That way they are taken care of before the reception begins.
Posted by arieschic23[/QUOTE]

But again, you're telling the children in the WP that they're good enough to be adorable little props in your wedding, but not good enough for the party afterward. ALL of the other members of the WP get to stay for the party.

I'm afraid that even your solution is quite insulting to the parents of the kids involved. They spend money on attire, they spend their time preparing for your wedding, and then they can stop at the drive-through window on the way home for food?

par31 · April 2011

My brother and sister in law did this and no-one found this rude but actually found this sensitive to the fact that young children should not be out to 12 or 1 in the morning with adults who are drinking.
What they did is hire a babysitter for the kids in the wedding party and have the parents meet the slitter first so that they were comfortable with the person staying with the children.
We also only allowing the children in the wedding at part of the reception and not inviting another children. We have it arranged that the grandparents of two of the children will tkae them with them when they leave between 9-10pm and for the other two a preapproved sitter at our hotel for the other two will watch the other two who will be dropped off by the grandparents of the other two. We just made to discuss this earlier enough and everyone is fine.
I know many people are under the assumption that all children should be allowed at weddings at all time. However, a night wedding is not always a proper environment for children and it really is up to the couple getting married if they want children at there event for many people weddings are grown up events. Just be sensitive and discuss options calmy with her

elfygirl99 · April 2011

For our wedding, the only children we are inviting are related to the bride or groom. My fiance is the oldest of 8 children, the youngest are a set of fraternal twins who are 20 years younger than my fiance. They will be our flower girl and ring bearer. I tink it would be pretty ridiculous to send the grooms siblings home. Weddings shouldn't be an excuse to get drunk and act like a fool, it's to celebrate with your friends and family. And sometimes children are part of your family. i don't see any reason not to include them.

trix1223 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kids-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:101338a8-4c1e-4ff6-8209-64939422d648Post:792d74e2-def8-4951-87bb-a0a432b5ede4">Re: kIds at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]My brother and sister in law did this and no-one found this rude but actually found this sensitive to the fact that young children should not be out to 12 or 1 in the morning with adults who are drinking. What they did is hire a babysitter for the kids in the wedding party and have the parents meet the slitter first so that they were comfortable with the person staying with the children. We also only allowing the children in the wedding at part of the reception and not inviting another children. We have it arranged that the grandparents of two of the children will tkae them with them when they leave between 9-10pm and for the other two a preapproved sitter at our hotel for the other two will watch the other two who will be dropped off by the grandparents of the other two. We just made to discuss this earlier enough and everyone is fine. I know many people are under the assumption that all children should be allowed at weddings at all time. However, a night wedding is not always a proper environment for children and it really is up to the couple getting married if they want children at there event for many people weddings are grown up events. Just be sensitive and discuss options calmy with her
Posted by par31[/QUOTE]

Actually, I'm not at all of that opinion. We had a child free wedding. Our son and DIL had a child free wedding. Our DD and SIL had a child free wedding.

What I object to is the OP suggesting that the children be kicked out of the wedding after dinner. I object to someone having to leave the reception to take the kiddos home and then have to return to the reception. I object to the fact that the kiddos were good enough to have in the ceremony, but not good enough for the rest of the wedding.

You either HAVE the children there, or you don't. But you really shouldn't try to have it both ways.

Davesgrl2011 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kids-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:101338a8-4c1e-4ff6-8209-64939422d648Post:8649f8f8-29c8-4518-9012-392c8f386c26">Re: kIds at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]What is the reason you do not want the kids at the reception? To give the parents a break? If so, let them decide that for themselves. As a kid I went to a dozen weddings with my 4 siblings. We were always well behaved (drank kiddie cocktails, danced, tried to catch the bouquet, talked with our cousins, and occasionally fell asleep at the dinner table when it got past 10 PM). The time we were poorly behaved was at my Unlce's wedding when we were taken by a babysitter to an adjoining room where the babies were sleeping and a baby movie was playing. We wanted to go to the party and eat cake! So we escaped!
Posted by Wiscisbliss[/QUOTE]

I love this lol b/c I can remember having a blast at weddings when I was a kid. Drinking Shirley Temples, dancing, being picked up and swung around by my bigger cousins.... ahhh, the memories....
However- I am planning on having the "baby room and baby movies" at my wedding b/c the kids in question are 2 four year old boys, 1 two year old girl and a set of 18 month old twins. I arranged for the hotel room and the babysitters so their parents (who also happen to be in the wedding party) can have a little fun and relax. However, they know the difference between "having fun" and "getting drunk", and I have had them meet the baby sitter. I will also leave it up to them to decide when and if they should go. The four year olds will probably last longer than the babies- but all of the kids are used to a 8:00 or earlier bedtime.

IDK I think every situation and every wedding is different. You know the kids you are inviting, you know their parents. And they know you. Just make sure they still want to know you after you are married!

Good Luck!

kIds at the reception

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