Bridal Shower

RosenB · July 2010

Hi Ladies,

Quick question... I am in a wedding Nov 6th and the MOH just emailed all the BM's a 'preview' of the bridal shower invite and I am not sure about the wording. She wrote "please see insert regarding the Bride's registry"... HMMMM is this proper etiquette? PS. she never showed us the invites prior to ordering and I think its bullshiit since we are all paying for it.

She has been crazy about it from the beginning. She was upset that all the BM's were throwing around ideas for the BS and she emailed all of us saying that she wanted to be in charge of everything, making all the calls, booking the locations yadda yadda yahh. And now it's costing a small fortune. The invites alone were $122. 65 People... I think that's a bit much.

What do you ladies think?

mwhitson14 · July 2010

It's fine for her to add registry information on the invite.

Instead of talking shiit about her, maybe you should just drop out? Obviously there's crap going on that you're not happy about, so I'd either have a come to Jesus meeting with her or drop out of the WP.

quotequeen · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0ffcd19-5877-4d5e-a0db-f647b6da2811Post:3291f839-8804-4cc7-ba0a-70ee0756200b">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]It's fine for her to add registry information on the invite. Instead of talking shiit about her, maybe you should just drop out? Obviously there's crap going on that you're not happy about, so I'd either have a come to Jesus meeting with her or drop out of the WP.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

Why should the OP drop out of the WP because of something the MOH is doing?

OP, did you agree to pay 1/5th the cost or whatever? Or did you agree to pay a certain dollar amount? You aren't obligated to pay for things that you haven't agreed to or been consulted on. So if you don't like what MOH is doing, tell her that your budget for the shower is $X, and if she makes plans that exceed that amount you will not be paying more.

I wouldn't put that line on the invitation, but the registry card itself is fine. Don't get too worked up about that part.

mwhitson14 · July 2010

Because, she's obviously very unhappy at this point. If the financial cost was hurting, I was unhappy with the way things were being handled, etc, I wouldn't continue to be a part of it.

But my first thing was to have a chat with her about everything. I think that's a little bit more adult.

Sorry, hit the wrong button and posted too soon.

quotequeen · July 2010

I wouldn't punish the bride by dropping out of her wedding if I was upset at somebody else. You could drop out of the shower planning and paying altogether, but if you've already committed to helping, that wouldn't be very nice. Going forward, just don't have any communications with MOH and ignore her.

mwhitson14 · July 2010

One of my BMs wasn't in the wedding, I didn't see it as punishment. One less expense for me, lol.

RosenB · July 2010

No I never agreed to a certain amount seeing as how I'm up to my EYEBALLS in hospital bills for breaking my foot and having no insurance. So money is tight with me and I'm working my ass to have extra money to spend on the wedding events.

MW - was not talking shiit about the MOH. She complained about losing her job and having no money and saying that all the other 5 BM's needed to help her pay for things. BUT yet she is buying the fanciest things she can find and running up a huge bill that I will now have to work harder to afford. I asked if we could budget for this and received no response from her on the matter. She is the one who was so upset that the other ladies were tossing around ideas for favors, decorations etc. and emailed us saying "i dont mean to sound like a bitch, but I'm MOH and I want to plan this".

I have no problem paying for it, but I'm not going to go into debt because of it either.

quotequeen · July 2010

You weren't at all hurt that your friend dropped out? It's one thing if she drops out because she can no longer attend for some reason, but if she just decides she decides it's too much trouble or whatever, I would be pretty sad about that.

RosenB · July 2010

I will not be dropping out because of this. I'm just upset because I did ask the MOH to send out emails to everyone before things were purchased to make sure we all agreed on something. I would hate to pay for something and not like it or even know the price of it ya know. She told us "no need for that since I'm pretty confident in my party planning skills".

quotequeen · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0ffcd19-5877-4d5e-a0db-f647b6da2811Post:3a53e283-64e6-44c5-bd1f-47e662abd30a">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]No I never agreed to a certain amount seeing as how I'm up to my EYEBALLS in hospital bills for breaking my foot and having no insurance. So money is tight with me and I'm working my ass to have extra money to spend on the wedding events. Miri - was not talking shiit about the MOH. She complained about losing her job and having no money and saying that all the other 5 BM's needed to help her pay for things. BUT yet she is buying the fanciest things she can find and running up a huge bill that I will now have to work harder to afford. I asked if we could budget for this and received no response from her on the matter. She is the one who was so upset that the other ladies were tossing around ideas for favors, decorations etc. and emailed us saying "i dont mean to sound like a bitch, but I'm MOH and I want to plan this". I have no problem paying for it, but I'm not going to go into debt because of it either.
Posted by RosenB[/QUOTE]

If she wants to plan it without your input she can also pay for it without your input. Seriously, tell her what your budget is and that you will not be paying more than that just because she decides to go overboard with her plans.

stacy&tige · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0ffcd19-5877-4d5e-a0db-f647b6da2811Post:92ecb8bb-5f3a-42fd-9ece-fc4bc74f6e46">Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Ladies, Quick question... I am in a wedding Nov 6th and the MOH just emailed all the BM's a 'preview' of the bridal shower invite and I am not sure about the wording. She wrote "please see insert regarding the Bride's registry"... HMMMM is this proper etiquette?
Posted by RosenB[/QUOTE]

I doubt people need to instructed to read a seperate insert...either have a seperate insert or just put all registry info on the invites. Not both. I would just lose that line.

Talk to the MOH if you are unhappy or want to be included more. Also, if you agreed to pay was it a dollar amount or a percentage of the total cost? Be an adult and discuss your issues with her.

mwhitson14 · July 2010

Quote, I wasn't. But the situation is different from OPs. My first suggestion is to talk to the MOH about what's going on.

I guess miri is me? That's my point exactly, Rosen. If you're unhappy with the situation, the money is causing lots of stress for you, then I wouldn't put up wth it. I'd decline being in a WP if I *knew* it was going to cause unnecessary stress.

Simply Fated · July 2010

I don't see why the OP should drop out of being the bride's bridal party because the MOH is stressing her out. I could see if it was the bride stressing her out, but why should she drop out because the MOH is bullying her?

She wants to stand by the bride on her wedding day and she shouldn't have to sacrifice that because the MOH is pushing her around.
She should stand up for herself and tell the MOH that she is willing to spend X amount and that if the MOH should cut back expenses if she cant' afford to pay it all herself. The other bridesmaids shouldnt have to pay expenses that they can't afford, just because the MOH is out of work.

RosenB · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0ffcd19-5877-4d5e-a0db-f647b6da2811Post:3adf58c8-30ea-4764-a675-dd1f8ec977ed">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Quote, I wasn't. But the situation is different from OPs. My first suggestion is to talk to the MOH about what's going on. I guess miri is me? That's my point exactly, Rosen. If you're unhappy with the situation, the money is causing lots of stress for you, then I wouldn't put up wth it. I'd decline being in a WP if I *knew* it was going to cause unnecessary stress.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry about the name thing. I was listening to the tv at the same time and came out with some mumbo jumbo name. </div>

RosenB · July 2010

Getting ahold of the MOH via phone is impossible. She never answers and never returns calls. She will reply to FB messages on occasion, but email seems to be her method of communication. I have expressed my concern regarding price several times and she just blows it over and makes it seem like we are splitting it 6 ways regardless. One of the BM's (MOH sister who are cousins of the bride) pulled out because of the price. I would hate to do that because I am there for the Bride not the MOH, but right now, I'm going to be putting out more for the bridal shower than the BM dress.

At this rate, I dont think I will be able to participate in the bachlorette party (which MOH wants to make a weekend out of it in AC). I'll be broke before then.

quotequeen · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0ffcd19-5877-4d5e-a0db-f647b6da2811Post:1277ab75-7557-4bb6-b69f-3d2012f08f2c">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Getting ahold of the MOH via phone is impossible. She never answers and never returns calls. She will reply to FB messages on occasion, but email seems to be her method of communication. <strong>I have expressed my concern regarding price several times and she just blows it over and makes it seem like we are splitting it 6 ways regardless.</strong> One of the BM's (MOH sister who are cousins of the bride) pulled out because of the price. I would hate to do that because I am there for the Bride not the MOH, but right now, I'm going to be putting out more for the bridal shower than the BM dress. At this rate, I dont think I will be able to participate in the bachlorette party (which MOH wants to make a weekend out of it in AC). I'll be broke before then.
Posted by RosenB[/QUOTE]

She can assume that you're going to split it evenly, but that doesn't obligate you to do it. Stand up for yourself. You don't have to give in on this. She isn't going to take the money out of your wallet; if you refuse to pay what she wants, she can't force you.

Simply Fated · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0ffcd19-5877-4d5e-a0db-f647b6da2811Post:1277ab75-7557-4bb6-b69f-3d2012f08f2c">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Getting ahold of the MOH via phone is impossible. She never answers and never returns calls. She will reply to FB messages on occasion, but email seems to be her method of communication. I have expressed my concern regarding price several times and she just blows it over and makes it seem like we are splitting it 6 ways regardless. One of the BM's (MOH sister who are cousins of the bride) pulled out because of the price. I would hate to do that because I am there for the Bride not the MOH, but right now, I'm going to be putting out more for the bridal shower than the BM dress. At this rate, I dont think I will be able to participate in the bachlorette party (which MOH wants to make a weekend out of it in AC). I'll be broke before then.
Posted by RosenB[/QUOTE]
I would send her an e-mail letting her know your budget is cut off and that you can only spend a total of X amount for teh weekend at AC. When you give her the AC amount, take into account everything you plan on spending on yourself and the bride. X Amount and no more. The MOH can work around that. See if you can't also send a mass e-mail to all the bridesmaids and ask what their budget is for the AC weekend. It might help if you all know what page you are on, even if it isn't the same page. It might help you guys get on the same page.

katiewhompus · July 2010

Ditto the pp's.

Email her (and maybe CC the other BM;s) and let her know that you are willing to contribute X amount of dollars to the bridal shower but that is all that is financially possible at this time. You can also contact the other BM's and ask them what their thoughts are on the situation.

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