I love FI dearly, and I can't imagine my life without him, however, the closer we get, I get more and more worried about our life together. He's got Aspergers Syndrome - which is a very mild form of autism. My mom thinks that's why I fell in love with him - and why I leave him. She says I have a heart for the hurt, lonely, and broken. As a child, I always wanted to bring home stray animals to give them love and she thinks that I sort of see Alex as a stray animal who needs love. I do sort of see her point because early on in our relationship, I wanted to break up with him, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Usually, his Aspergers doesn't really show up. For the longest time, I didn't see that he had it (even though the told me). He acted just like a normal person. However, the more time I spend with him, the more I see it.
He is super slow at almost everything he does. He's late to everything because it takes him so long to get ready. We're late to church because he has to be reminded to get his shoes on. He just sits in the chair watching tv or thinking or gazing off into space until I have to bring his shoes and tell him to put them on.
He's a very slow reader, so when we read our bibles together and do devotions together, I'm finished reading a good 30 minutes before he is (and it only takes me 10-15 minutes to read it)
He's also never had a "real" job. He's worked on his family dairy farm since he was little. He's 25 now. I'm worried that he won't be able to get a real job - or if he does, that somehow, he'll mess it up. He's bad at social situations and doesn't always say the right things - or he uses such big words, no one know's what he's talking about.
He's really bad with change. I recently moved 6 hours away, and for the entire week after that, he was anxious, stressed, and counldn't sleep. The lack of sleep made him even more stressed and crazy. He's spent time in the psyc ward for similar reasons. When he gets stressed, he gets upset, and threatens to do crazy things - walk 200 miles to come see me, or beat up a cow, or punch a tree. One time he threatened to blow up the school with a bomb he had in his backback (of course he didn't have anything and he'd never do that, he just got so freaked out)
Another thing that I hate most is that he's paranoid that EVERYONE is out to get him. They'll steal from him or they want to hurt him or do mean things to him or something. He's extra careful - like at the store, he double counts the change he gets back because he thinks the cashier wants to cheat him. When we're at a resturant, he adds up the costs of our meals so when we get our ticket, if the number is different than what he got, he just knows the resturant is overcharging us.
He's super smart, and super sweet. He's chivalrous, opens doors for me, and tries to cook for me (but he's so slow, I usually just end up taking over). I like to think of myself as a patient person, but I don't want to be his mother! Sometimes it feels like thats what I end up doing. I shouldn't have to make him get his socks on for church and I shouldn't have to double check to make sure he combed his hair. I shouldn't have to wait 30 minutes for him to finish reading the 10 minute devotion.
I've discussed this with him and it makes him feel bad because he can't do things any faster. When he does try, he ends up messing everything up and has to start all over and ends up taking even more time.
I don't know- What do I do? I've prayed about this for a long time, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him -- especially this close to the wedding. it would break his heart, however, I don't want to get so frustrated that I want a divorce either. We're not rushing into things - we've been dating for 5 years. Sometimes I just feel like its a 1 sided relationship.