Two sisters...struggling with designating a MOH

alorbiecki · November 2010

At my wedding there will be three maids: the MOH and 2 bridesmaids (my two sisters, and my fiance's sister.) I'm really struggling with who should be the MOH (it would be one of my two sisters.)

My older sister, who's 30, would do the MOH thing to the fullest. She'd be the one fixing my dress and my hair and making sure everything was perfect. She took me all over the place wedding dress shopping and has been very supportive of me. My younger sister, who's 16, would just be coming back from a fairly major knee surgery and lack the ability to do some of these things. Plus, she's not into those type of duities anyway. Quiet and reserved and tomboyish though she is, I can tell she's still very excited about being involved, if not about wearing a dress! My dad says she's already thinking of a MOH toast for our reception...

My younger sister and I grew up together and were close as kids, whereas my older sister and I only started developing a relationship within the last couple of years. I hate to think about making one of them "second rate"--I know they both love me and want to be a part of the day. But at the same time, I think it'd be awkward to have 2 MOH's and one "regular" bridesmaid.

Does anyone have any ideas? I am so torn.

SSaltzman87 · November 2010

You can have 2 MOHs, the wedding police won't come after you for having more than one :-)

SarahPLiz · November 2010

You can certainly have 2 MsOH. I couldn't choose between my sisters either, so that's what I am doing.

GeauxTigers17 · November 2010

Agree...I've got two sisters and I'm not choosing between them. Two maids of honor.

Beachy730 · November 2010

I'm going against the other posters and saying to pick one. I think it would be rude to the BM to basically say your sisters are so great I just couldn't decide who to have as MOH so I made both MOH, but I had no problem just keeping you a BM.

As I said in another similar thread, I know its probably an unpopular opinion, but I'm not a fan of multiple MsOH anyways. It just seems to me like you didn't want to choose or cause hurt feelings. I could see past it in a larger WP, but with only 3 in it I think its pretty rude to the BM.

AutumnFair · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_two-sistersstruggling-designating-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bc3e58c4-b1d0-48cd-b934-0bba722dfd1cPost:fc6e2c59-f3d7-4b5c-83d3-72270bc67a2b">Two sisters...struggling with designating a MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]At my wedding there will be three maids: the MOH and 2 bridesmaids (my two sisters, and my fiance's sister.) I'm really struggling with who should be the MOH (it would be one of my two sisters.) My older sister, who's 30, would do the MOH thing to the fullest. She'd be the one fixing my dress and my hair and making sure everything was perfect. She took me all over the place wedding dress shopping and has been very supportive of me. My younger sister, who's 16, would just be coming back from a fairly major knee surgery and lack the ability to do some of these things. Plus, she's not into those type of duities anyway. Quiet and reserved and tomboyish though she is, I can tell she's still very excited about being involved, if not about wearing a dress! My dad says she's already thinking of a MOH toast for our reception... My younger sister and I grew up together and were close as kids, whereas my older sister and I only started developing a relationship within the last couple of years. I hate to think about making one of them "second rate"--I know they both love me and want to be a part of the day. But at the same time, I think it'd be awkward to have 2 MOH's and one "regular" bridesmaid. Does anyone have any ideas? I am so torn.
Posted by alorbiecki[/QUOTE]

<div>Remember MOH, should not be based off what a person is or is currently doing for you. It is based off your closest relationship. </div><div>
</div><div>Personally, in this situation I would not have a MOH since there are only 3 girls. If you really can't decide then don't have a MOH. Any one of them can sign the marriage licenses and you can just choose based what order they come in, etc. </div>

lynnmfrank · November 2010

Autumn,

I know of someone who just had his 18 year-old daughter be his "Best Woman" in his second wedding. He wanted his daughter to stand-up for him, and didn't think the Wedding Gestapo would find out where the ceremony was being held and drag them off to jail for breaking with unwritten tradition.

I agree with the numerous posts that say you should take them both as MOHs.

Until I became engaged, I had no idea that our wedding was, in some ways, a bigger deal to our family and friends than it was to us. If it's that important to both of them, it shows how much they love you. Honor them both for that.

Good luck.

kellya01 · November 2010

IMO, the 16-year old sister is almost like a junior bridesmaid. I would have the 30-year old sister be your MOH and have the 16-year old sis as another bridesmaid with the FI's sister. No one will think that you've favored one over the other since there is such an age difference.

Traceyd14 · November 2010

I have two cousins that I grew up equally as close to and always knew they would both be in my wedding. I had a similar dillema. I did end up choosing "K" as MOH because "H" has two small children and her husband works shift work, so scheduling with her can be a nightmare. Also K is more outgoing than H, who is very shy, and will be more comfortable in the role. I think that's important too. If your little sis isn't really into weddings and that type of thing, you may end up giving yourself more of a headache in the long run. Plus at her age, she may not understand or appreciate the position you are asking her to take. Lastly, I didn't pick one over the other because I love either of them less. They are both standing up with me.

jemmini6 · November 2010

I have 2 sisters as well and am only choosing one for my MOH. My oldest sister had my middle sister as her MOH, my middle sister chose a friend for her MOH and I am having oldest sister be MOH. I wasn't hurt to not have been either of their MOH's, and they weren't hurt to not be a MOH each time either.

Choose who you are closest to now, not growing up. I think that because they are your sisters, they will understand. I also personally don't like the idea of having 2 MOH's when you only have 3 BM's total, kinda seems like a snub to the 3rd.

tenofcups4me · November 2010

I would probably opt for three BMs and no MOH.

tpender13 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_two-sistersstruggling-designating-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bc3e58c4-b1d0-48cd-b934-0bba722dfd1cPost:99a1374b-03ba-428f-8f66-c1c319de79e3">Re: Two sisters...struggling with designating a MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going against the other posters and saying to pick one. I think it would be rude to the BM to basically say your sisters are so great I just couldn't decide who to have as MOH so I made both MOH, but I had no problem just keeping you a BM. As I said in another similar thread, I know its probably an unpopular opinion, but I'm not a fan of multiple MsOH anyways. It just seems to me like you didn't want to choose or cause hurt feelings. I could see past it in a larger WP, but with only 3 in it I think its pretty rude to the BM.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. Go w/tenofcups suggestion and don't have a MOH.

ellie_spoutz · November 2010

I have 2 sisters and I chose 1. I am 26 and i chose my sister that is 29, the other is 31. its not to do with age, but our whole life the 2 of us were very close. were all pretty close now, but the 29 yr old sis has always been like a friend, especially since were so close. you could let them both give a speech, but id choose whichever one that YOU feel you want to give the honor to and not who necessarily will do the best, because if that were the case, my fiancees sis(BM) would be my MOH, but thats not the best reason for me because if she's a take charge kinda girl, she'll hopefully help either way

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_two-sistersstruggling-designating-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:bc3e58c4-b1d0-48cd-b934-0bba722dfd1cPost:4f1fa0ae-69b2-4d31-88ca-7affd94e21c5">Re: Two sisters...struggling with designating a MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>MOH is a meaningless title, and it's only for one day.</strong> So what if someone has more than one? Will the earth open and swallow everyone? Do not, however, select an MOH based upon what you think they can do for you. Their "duty" is to get their dress and stand beside you. Anything else is optional on their part. Planning and working the wedding is the job of the couple.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

And the same could also be said for not needing to have more than one.

easton87 · November 2010

I am getting married next July and I have 2 younger sisters, aged 21 and 18. I chose them both to be the maid of honor. There was no way I could choose between them, I love them both the same. When the maid of honor is supposed to do a speech, they have decided to combine their speeches. I am also having one sister stand beside me and hold my bouqet during the ceremony and the other one sign the wedding papers. It's all even.

marinabreeze · November 2010

I think the best thing is not to even have a MOH and just have all as BMs. Firstly, you're having trouble choosing between your sisters. If you had more than 4 BMs I would say to choose both. But with only three attendants, the other BM kind of seems like a third wheel of sorts, and the "BM" title would seem less of an "honor" if there are more MOH than BMs.

landra310s · November 2010

Have both of them! I'm having 2 - my sister and my best friend.

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