this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Second Weddings
Second Weddings
New Discussion

Involving kids in the wedding?

prodigalgirlprodigalgirl member
10 Comments
in Second Weddings

I am newly engaged (FI proposed Sunday night) and I have two kids from a previous marriage.  My son is five and my daughter is two.  They both just LOVE my FI and he loves them.  We're so excited about becoming a family.

We want to involve the kids in the wedding (this July), so I was hoping some of you might have some good ideas.

Right now, I'm thinking ring bearer and flower girl, but I want something more special.

We're planning to do the sand ceremony.  If you're unfamiliar with that, it's like the unity candle.  The two of us AND the kids would have small vials of sand.  Then, we each pour our sand vials into a larger container to symbolize becoming a new family.  That way, we have something to keep forever as a memory from the wedding.

Anyone have any other ideas of how to involve the kids?

Daisypath Wedding tickers
Report Reply to Post

Re: Involving kids in the wedding?

  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    Is their dad(s) still alive?  I'm always concerned in situations like this, in which both parents are still living, that it's disrespectful to do a family ceremony.  They still have the two parents (assuming the dad(s) are still alive).   I'm also really not fond of the family vows and medallion ceremonies.  The wedding, like the marriage, is between the two adults.  Flower girl and ring bearer are fine. 

    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
    Report Reply
  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    Flower girl and ring bearer are fine.  I agree with the previous posters.

    Report Reply
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Hey Stage!  Wow!  Long time no post!  I've been absent for a while, (super busy with my job and my new grandbaby) but I have a little time to get on now.  Good to see your post! 
    I'm sure you heard about WonderWife; so sad.  I didn't know her as well as some of the other women, but do remember her posts on the occasions I visitied WW.  I can't imagine the pain her husband is going through. 

    ::backs out of hijacked post:: 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
    Report Reply
  • LesPaulLesPaul member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_involving-kids-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:0a8f734c-fe11-426a-8a16-54989d0c5128Post:2daafcfd-8226-4c54-a88a-f83773d07270">Re: Involving kids in the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think I'd keep it to flower girl and ring bearer. I'm not a fan of "family vows" and such for kids...it can be awkward for older kids because they have another parent, and it's lost on younger kids because they're too young to really understand it. Just having them THERE involves them.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    This, exactly. 
    imageFollow Me on Pinterest
    Report Reply
  • thealphabridethealphabride
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations and welcome to the board!!! The kids will feel special as the flower girl and ring bearer. The topic of "family" ceremony is a bit touchy around here, and everyone has a different opinion. Please do what makes you feel comfortable.
    I agree with the others, not a fan of family vows. IN MY SITUATION it would have been disrespectful to our children and the children's other parent, AND both boys are teens, and able to understand. Each have an amazing relationship with their respective mom and dad and we would never do anything to disrespect those relationships.

    Your very young children hopefully have a relationship with their bio father, that relationship should be preserved and valued and it is your job as their mom to do that. Forgive me if I am being presumptious, because I don't know your personal situation, if the dad is abusive or in prison, that's a different story.

    My Opinion: the wedding is between 2 consenting adults. In our wedding my gorgeous son walked me down the isle and stood up with the groom and the best man. ... My gorgeous step son was the Best Man.

    Best of luck!
    Report Reply
  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Congrats!  I do agree with the rest - also not a fan of the family vows.  Our kids are adults so maybe if I had small children I'd feel different but I doubt it.  It's like some others mentioned - if their other parents are still in the picture, it somehow seems a tad disrespectful.
    Report Reply
  • vmmomvmmom member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My two daughters are 21 and 16 and will be my co-MOH's.  FI's 18 year old son will be his best man.  We are going on a one week cruise - getting married on first day - and the kids will cruise with us (in their own rooms of course Wink
    Report Reply
  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations!

    As a very recently remarried Mother, I am not a fan of "family" ceremonies at all.  A marriage is a commitment between two consenting adults to be faithful to one another in a romantic relationship - I don't believe children should be involved in that.  Having them fill the role of flower girl and ring bearer gives them a part in your marriage, but doesn't put a lot of pressure on them (that they don't even truly understand at their ages).

    The fact that you and your fiance have decided to take this step shows your commitment to the children, in my opinion.  Anything else just looks staged and for show, and like a lot of overkill, to me.

    I guess that's probably not at all what you're looking for in an answer, but there are a lot of rsources out there to give ideas for how to do it if you stil want to.
    10-10-10
    Report Reply
  • kenyasobeautifulkenyasobeautiful member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Congrats on your proposal!!!! Yay!!

    I think ring bearer and flower girl is just fine. They are so teeny tiny still...folks will find that just adorable!

    My sons will be 16 and 14 when I get re-married and are standing as Junior Groomsmen.

    And for "humor" when they ask "Who gives this woman to be married." My dad AND the boys are all gonna say "I do" ;)

    But that's the most involvement they are having and only because they are older...if they were still little *under 7* I would probably not even have them in the ceremony.

    S/N: @AlphaBride...your boys are handsome ;)
    My niece, Kennedy Alivia, Cancer SURVIVER!!!! God works miracles - Daily! image
    Report Reply
  • amy7177amy7177 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    we are also getting maried for a second time each and our boys will be 18, 17, 15 and 11 ( i have three and he has one) They are all going to be a part of the wedding. My oldest son will be escorting me down the aisle then will join the men as groomsmen and our other boys will be groomsmen and jr groomsmen. I am having our officiant writing something in the begining of the ceremony to mention each one's names and to say how important they are to us. I cant wait to see what she comes up with. We thought about the sand ceremony or family medalions but we both agree that the boys have other parents and that may be weird. I think that just being a part of the ceremony and being mentioned will be special for all of us. ( we been together for seven years)

    Married on July 29, 2011
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards