Not Engaged Yet

Anyone else dealing with an ex-husband?

I told my XH that I was seeing someone.  It was suggested to me to do this because we have kids.  So, I sent a non-threatening email just saying that I was seeing someone and it was getting serious, so he was starting to bond with the kids.  That was pretty much it.  My XH never responded to it, but I was confident that he got it.

Then, last night, he "accidentally" sent me a text that was intended for someone else.  It led to a text conversation that was intentionally cruel on his part.  He made it clear that he was up to his old actions (we got divorced because he's a sex addict... aka Tiger Woods) and he told me to go run to my new man.  He was just really mean.

Honestly, I never thought he'd be really upset about me seeing someone else.  I was completely faithful during our marriage while he was hooking up with any slut or hooker who'd take him.  He didn't care about me then, so why should he care that I'm seeing someone now? 

Is anyone else dealing with a situation like this during a time that is otherwise blissful?  How do you handle it?
Daisypath Wedding tickers

Re: Anyone else dealing with an ex-husband?

  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It kinda sucks that he's the father of your kids...  So you can't just ignore him altogether.  I think the most important thing for you to do is remain calm and don't rise to his taunts.  He's saying things like that to test you, and since you clearly have no feelings for him at all, there's no reason for you to respond at all.  Keep your interaction with him limited to situations that involve your chilren.
  • prodigalgirlprodigalgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's frustrating because I thought we'd managed to get to the point where we could be cordial with each other.  Clearly not. 

    Thankfully, I've been able to talk DS through the issues he was left with because of XH's "I still love your mother.  I never stopped loving your mother" comments.  Now, DS knows that XH and I won't be getting married.  It was hard to convince him of this without saying anything negative about XH.  But, once I explained that it's not such a bad thing for his mommy and daddy to NOT be married, he stopped trying to convince me that I should get back with XH.  Now, he keeps telling me he wants me to marry my man :)  He wants J as a step-dad and completely loves him.  So, it seems like DS has clearly moved on from the divorce.  Now, if XH would just do the same.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • edited December 2011
    I was never married to my sons dad.  However i did the same thing.  I told him i was dating someone else and it was getting serious,  He flipped out at first.  He stated he could not be around our son.  That he had to meet him first.  If he didn't like him it wasn't going to happen.

    The next morning he text me.  Stating that he was happy that i found someone.  That he knew he cannot control what goes on in my life.  It was ok for him to meet our son.  However he did not want him around him all the time, and wanted him to know him as daddy.  I simply stated "if you would take your son more than 2 hours a week 2 days a week he would register you as daddy". 

    He knows he does not do much for our son.  He knows i notate everything.  So he does not have a good chance of anything in court.  I am making him save our child support money to go to a magistrate.  I want everything in writing.  So he's forced to take on more responsibility.  Has a set time to see him, and if he cancels can't make up for it another day.

    I am sorry your going through this.  I understand how rough it can be.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm dealing with an ex as well...but we work together 99.9% of the time. 

    He actually just swung by my work on his lunch break to drop off some paperwork for our son (he's starting soccer in 2 weeks).  We chatted for a few minutes about the stuff he'll need and who is buying what (he's getting the shoes, I'm getting the shin guards and socks) and how I won't be able to go to some of the practices/games because I'm doing RCIA classes @ church the same nights.  He told me that FI should come and my dad or FI's mom was more than welcome too and that even though it's "his night" that he would be friendly with them and make sure he gave our son some time to see them/talk to them if they came out. 

    Note: When I first told exH about dating FI and him wanting to meet our son he gave me a really hard time.  I told him that I knew FI for nearly 10 years and we were friends, I knew his family and had seen him with other people's kids.  I pretty much said to my ex, you know how I am about trusting people with him (I've NEVER had a sitter for him other than a thoroughly researched daycare provider or family) I'm not going to make an exception just because I'm falling in love... my child will first.  He said fine whatever but the next day he text me and said you are right I know that you wouldn't even put him in danger... I guess I just worry about some other guy spending a bunch of time with him etc.  I assured him that FI (then BF) was not spending anymore than a couple hours with him here and there and that when it got more serious I'd let him know.  I told him before FI and I got engaged that we were getting more serious and talking about moving in together this Spring/Summer and getting married next Spring... he was not upset when we moved or when we got engaged.

    The biggest issue I think is that until both people are over the past AND mature enough to put their child first dealing with ex's is never fun.  Now that we are to that point we can talk calmly instead of fight with each other. 

    Last week I told him  that I didn't think that him introducing his new GF and her son to our son was a good idea (he just broke off an engagement a couple months ago to a woman who had 3 kids that my son was getting very close to).  I said I know you just started dating her and I'm sure that you want to spend time with her, but our son doesn't need to be confused about if this chick is going to be his new step-mommy instead of the last one or if this kid is going to be his brother.  He agreed and said that he had her and her son over once and then was thinking that it might not be the best idea since it was a new relationship and you never know what will happen.  As of yesterday they are broken up.  I'd be lying if I said that part of me didn't feel like saying "told ya so" but I am choosing the high road and doing what is best for my son and that is not arguing with his father, unless it's necessary.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards