Just Engaged and Proposals

Disagreement about Size and Open Bars

My fiance and I were engaged on November 5, which was our 15 month anniversary. I am graduating next month and we do not know where we are moving yet, so things are hectic right now. I would like to get married in November 2012 but might have to make it November 2013 due to this uncertainty.

In any case, I am starting to plan now because I know that I am going to have a lot on my plate in the next two years. I already have colors, style, ect all picked out. I even have an idea of the venues that I want to go to - all these details he is leaving to me. Except for three things. He is also adamant that we get married in a venue (which is what I also want to do), he demands an open bar and he wants to invite 175+ people.

I have tried talking to him because my parents and myself are paying for the wedding (I am the breadwinner of the two of us because he just started school full time) and my parents, nor I, have a lot of money. On top of that, his family does not even have to pay for a honeymoon because my parents are giving us RCI weeks that they had accumulated. I want a small wedding, less than 75 people, and even if I have less than 75 people we cannot afford an open bar. Nor do I really want one, to be honest, because his side of the family has rowdy drunks and my family and friends don't even drink. So it would only be HIS friends and family, outside of my brother, who would be using it. I am open to the idea of having a cash and carry bar because I know that most of these people would not be willing to pay for their own alcohol. I would be willing to even have a keg and some wine, but he all but covers his ears and sings because he doesn't want to hear anything except open bar.

I confronted him about the costs, and perhaps having his mom put some money towards the reception and ceremony since he is the one who wants to invite everyone, but apparently that is undoable. I told him that he can't invite everyone, but he is afraid of hurting anyone's feelings because they are his "friends" (most of these people he wants to invite he hasn't seen in about five years). Also, in my personal opinion, most of his "friends" treat him like crap. He and his mother are alike in that they believe that weddings are about hosting to others and making sure that everyone else has tons of fun. I believe that weddings are a celebration of two people getting married and should be shared with people who are close to that couple.

He is completely not backing down on the open bar and the large number of guests, but I guess he expects me to crap this money out or something. Take note, that this is not done in malice - he is terrible with managing money which is why I am in charge of the household finances. He usually gives all his money to friends with sob stories because he feels bad for them. So again, this is not in malice. In any case, I know that we are NOT having a 200 person wedding, nor are we having an open bar no matter what the size of the wedding. We cannot pay for that.

I am not willing to sacrifice my quality for quantity because he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

How do you think I should handle this? He also has no intention of going to the venues with me (where I could make him come face to face with the price first hand) because he literally cannot walk around in the buildings until we can afford pain management.

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