To read vow's from paper or to memorize?

deanozzi · February 2012

Get a little nervous speaking in front of people and I am sure my nerves will be in high gear at the alter. How many of you are considering reading your vows from paper rather than memorizing? I also have only been to about 2 weddings in my life and do not have any actual memories of what they did. Would it look tacky to read them?

TiffannieF · February 2012

Are you writing your own? If you are, maybe read them. Also, if you are writing your own, please be sure they are vows and not 'this is how much I love you'.

deanozzi · February 2012

Yes, I am writing my own.
Here are my vow's. Imput would be great!
I was also considering having the traditional vow's read as well before we read our personal one's. Ex: Do you, Jackie, take Xavier to be your lawfully wedded husband....Can this be done?

Xavier, I stand in front of you today about to embark on our new life together as husband and wife and I wish I could say that I was ready to give all of myself to you, but the truth is, you already have all of me. I have been devoted to you from the moment you stepped into my life 14 years ago. You and I were made for each other, forever and for always. I vow today to dedicate my life to you, to love you unconditionally, to laugh with you, to laugh at you and to always be faithful to you. You have my past; my present and now I give you my future. I love you!

melntaitt · February 2012

I'm reading mine from paper; I know I may be a touch nervous and I don't really want to forget so I'm having it printed on a pretty piece of paper which my MOH will provide me with.

Kudos to her for choosing a dress with pockets anyway; the mom in her came prepared to do battle! Pockets in the dress for vows and the inevitable tissue, a small clutch for makeup touch ups and a stash of super glue...our aunt's wedding which is a long story but we've never been to a wedding without super glue in about 10 years.

deanozzi · February 2012

That was another question. Who hold's the vow's? MOH or pastor?

acaponi87 · February 2012

I would read. You don't want to worry about forgetting something on your big day and stress yourself out with memorizing it beforehand. No one will think poorly of you.

vexie · February 2012

Trust me... you'll want to read them

We had the Best Man hold both of our vows and just give them to us when needed. I had rehearsed my vows so much that they were memorized, but boy did I ever need my card that day! It's such an emotional time that my mind went all mushy lol.

side note... the officiant can hold them for you too if you'd prefer.

Simply Fated · February 2012

Both. What I mean is, give the pastor a copy of your vows. When the time comes to say them, you have the option of reading or seeing if your memory holds out. And, yeah, definitely have the pastor hold them. Where would the MOH put them while she walked down the aisle? If he can't do it, then see if the groom or best man has a pocket for them. Also, I think it's fine to say the traditional vows followed by your own.

toothpastechica · February 2012

If you are doing traditional vows theres no need to read, the officiant will do a repeat after me. If I was writing my own vows I would definatly be reading them!

AurorasEnvy · February 2012

I'd read - you might memorize it before hand, but at the actual ceremony standing up in front of everyone I bet it'd be real easy to forget what you wanted to say =]

tenofcups4me · February 2012

We wrote our own at my first wedding, and typed them onto an index card. The groom carried the cards in his pocket and handed mine to me when it was time. I had it mostly memorized, but there was definitely a comfort factor in having it in writing in front of me. I wouldn't (and didn't!) risk not having the paper in case I was nervous (turns out I wasn't) or otherwise just didn't remember what I wanted to say.

dumdumfroggie · February 2012

I would try to memorize them, but have the paper in front of you just in case.

vows. not vow's.

jemmini6 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_read-vows-paper-memorize?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:e2543df5-0c61-4cde-bdd5-2286a3252721Post:8111a71c-20d6-430b-ac06-954429f736ba">Re: To read vow's from paper or to memorize?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I am writing my own. Here are my vow's. Imput would be great! I was also considering having the traditional vow's read as well before we read our personal one's. Ex: Do you, Jackie, take Xavier to be your lawfully wedded husband....Can this be done? Xavier, I stand in front of you today about to embark on our new life together as husband and wife and I wish I could say that I was ready to give all of myself to you, but the truth is, you already have all of me. I have been devoted to you from the moment you stepped into my life 14 years ago. You and I were made for each other, forever and for always. I vow today to dedicate my life to you, to love you unconditionally, to laugh with you, to laugh at you and to always be faithful to you. You have my past; my present and now I give you my future. I love you!
Posted by deanozzi[/QUOTE]

According to what our officiant told us, that's the only part that is actually REQUIRED to happen in order to make the marriage legal. This is your consent of the marriage, without consent, you aren't married. She said once you say that, the building can burst into flames and cause the ceremony to end, but you'd be officially married.

We said our consent first, and then did our vows, which were the traditional vows and we just repeated them after our officiant. If you are writing your own, I highly suggest reading them. You can get very emotional up there and whatever you thought you remembered to say can completely go out of your head. You can either have the officiant hold them, or your MOH/BM.

deanozzi · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_read-vows-paper-memorize?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:e2543df5-0c61-4cde-bdd5-2286a3252721Post:000313aa-c13d-463e-994a-6f1f59d24dd1">Re: To read vow's from paper or to memorize?</a>:
[QUOTE]Read. It won't look tacky. We wrote our own ceremony, and put it in a notebook that I covered with fabric and lace. The notebook became our wedding scrapbook afterward.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Love this idea! I found an amazing book at michaels and I was going to use it to write everyday in it on our honeymoon! This is prefect. Thanks!

deanozzi · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_read-vows-paper-memorize?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:e2543df5-0c61-4cde-bdd5-2286a3252721Post:7fa23fe5-cac5-4eaf-8f20-5bea205c971e">Re: To read vow's from paper or to memorize?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To read vow's from paper or to memorize? : According to what our officiant told us, that's the only part that is actually REQUIRED to happen in order to make the marriage legal. This is your consent of the marriage, without consent, you aren't married. She said once you say that, the building can burst into flames and cause the ceremony to end, but you'd be officially married. We said our consent first, and then did our vows, which were the traditional vows and we just repeated them after our officiant. If you are writing your own, I highly suggest reading them. You can get very emotional up there and whatever you thought you remembered to say can completely go out of your head. You can either have the officiant hold them, or your MOH/BM.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Never knew this!

tenofcups4me · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_read-vows-paper-memorize?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:e2543df5-0c61-4cde-bdd5-2286a3252721Post:0a7be509-b1bc-4193-a963-300efc78633d">Re: To read vow's from paper or to memorize?</a>:
[QUOTE]jemmini brings up an important point - this IS required in some states. Mine too. We had to write a "declaration of intent" because of the law in our state. The couple has to affirm, in the presence of witnesses, that they are coming together of their own free will to be lawfully married.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

It's also my understanding that there must be some declaration of intent, where the couple states or confirms that they're willingly come together. But as far as I understand it, it doesn't have to specifically be in the form of that kind of question and answer that the PP mentioned (Do you, so and so, take so and so, etc...)

raehny · February 2012

FI and I are writing our own vows and reading them before the "Do you take..." part. Since we are not religious and will therefore not have readings of that kind, we wanted to have the ceremony reflect who we are as individuals and as a couple, so while some people may not be fans of personal vows, this is one thing we really wanted to do. We are actually reading them; as PPs said, you may memorize your vows before the ceremony, but will probably forget them due to all the emotional mess!

As for who will hold them...if you don't want your FI to see your vows, I would give them to his BM or your officiant (or your MOH if her dress has pockets; I have a man of honor, so he'll have my vows and FI's ring in his pocket).

shipsinthenight · February 2012

We are writing our own vows. I have already written mine, in fact, with the possibility of revising them later. Fi will probably cary his himself, One of our 3 (?!) officiants will have mine, whomever is actually doing the official officiating. I think yours are lovely, sweet and to the point. I agree with trying to memorize, but having a copy available to read just in case. I think what I have is too long to even attempt to memorize, even though I have parts of it memorized already.

To read vow's from paper or to memorize?

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