this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

Old Fashioned "Who Pays"

elizabeth121985elizabeth121985
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My parents are paying for the entire wedding and FI's family is covering the RD and Honeymoon.  Both FI and I are extremely thankful and appreciative that our families have graciously offered to cover the costs.

FI asked me last night what the groom's family traditionally is supposed to cover, because they would like to do so.  I had mentioned before when this offer came up that it might be best to just put any money they wish to contribute towards the reception versus dividing out exactly what they would cover.  Combing everyone's money seems WAY easier.  But they are stuck on covering specific things.

Do I now take them up on their request and state that old fashioned etiquette states that the groom covers the bride's boquet and the GM's flowers?  Or would that get to messy, and so I should just turn the offer down?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Old Fashioned "Who Pays"

  • slwagerslwager
    100 Comments
    i think it would be polite to honor their request.  let them pay for what they want to pay for.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_old-fashioned-pays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a417d190-f874-44a8-b344-09b5fd6aae49Post:d67ddf28-6b9d-46cc-9d01-6a959a0c9ac0">Old Fashioned "Who Pays"</a>:
    [QUOTE]My parents are paying for the entire wedding and FI's family is covering the RD and Honeymoon.  Both FI and I are extremely thankful and appreciative that our families have graciously offered to cover the costs. FI asked me last night what the groom's family traditionally is supposed to cover, because they would like to do so.  I had mentioned before when this offer came up that it might be best to just put any money they wish to contribute towards the reception versus dividing out exactly what they would cover.  Combing everyone's money seems WAY easier.  But they are stuck on covering specific things. Do I now take them up on their request and state that old fashioned etiquette states that the groom covers the bride's boquet and the GM's flowers?  Or would that get to messy, and so I should just turn the offer down?
    Posted by elizabeth121985[/QUOTE]

    <div>They can google it if they really want to know tradition.  I wouldn't be telling them what they are "supposed" to pay for.</div>
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • hlq2011hlq2011
    1000 Comments
    If you accept their money, you accept the strings that come with it - whether it's what they want to pay for, or how they want things done.

    If you want control, pay yourself.

    I don't care about flowers, so I'd be inclined to let them pay for it.
    image
    Report Reply
  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    http://wedding.theknot.com/getting-engaged/engaged/articles/wedding-budget-who-pays-for-what.aspx
    image
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_old-fashioned-pays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a417d190-f874-44a8-b344-09b5fd6aae49Post:d67ddf28-6b9d-46cc-9d01-6a959a0c9ac0">Old Fashioned "Who Pays"</a>:
    [QUOTE]My parents are paying for the entire wedding and FI's family is covering the RD and Honeymoon.  Both FI and I are extremely thankful and appreciative that our families have graciously offered to cover the costs. FI asked me last night what the groom's family traditionally is supposed to cover, because they would like to do so.  I had mentioned before when this offer came up that it might be best to just put any money they wish to contribute towards the reception versus dividing out exactly what they would cover.  Combing everyone's money seems WAY easier.  But they are stuck on covering specific things. Do I now take them up on their request and state that old fashioned etiquette states that the groom covers the bride's boquet and the GM's flowers?  Or would that get to messy, and so I should just turn the offer down?
    Posted by elizabeth121985[/QUOTE]

    If your FI's parents want to give you money towards specific things, allow them to do so, thank them and move on. It doesn't really matter who pays for what as it all has to be paid for. Not a big deal to sit there and say they paid for my bouquet, etc.
    Report Reply
  • elizabeth121985elizabeth121985
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_old-fashioned-pays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a417d190-f874-44a8-b344-09b5fd6aae49Post:8632c767-f54f-4b66-bf17-3e9db4a18a12">Re: Old Fashioned "Who Pays"</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Old Fashioned "Who Pays" : They can google it if they really want to know tradition.  I wouldn't be telling them what they are "supposed" to pay for.
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    That's the catch.  Even though they specifically asked (and have asked several times) I still feel uneasy telling them what is traditionally covered.
    Report Reply
  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_old-fashioned-pays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a417d190-f874-44a8-b344-09b5fd6aae49Post:67a2135b-1eeb-40dd-bff0-f28e22ab03c5">Re: Old Fashioned "Who Pays"</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Old Fashioned "Who Pays" : That's the catch.  Even though they specifically asked (and have asked several times) I still feel uneasy telling them what is traditionally covered.
    Posted by elizabeth121985[/QUOTE]

    Have your FI tell them.
    image
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • Meg1036Meg1036
    1000 Comments
    Weird.  It's really common/traditional around here for the groom's family to pay for the bar at the reception, and that's not on the list that was linked.  I guess it's a regional thing.
    Report Reply
  • jenjenazjenjenaz
    100 Comments
    i'm confused, they're paying for the RD and the honeymoon and then they want to pay for MORE stuff?

    Are they adopting?????  I could use someone to pay for some of my stuff...
    Report Reply
  • elizabeth121985elizabeth121985
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_old-fashioned-pays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a417d190-f874-44a8-b344-09b5fd6aae49Post:7e8dc188-c28d-4200-8997-0fd4abdc4dff">Re: Old Fashioned "Who Pays"</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Old Fashioned "Who Pays" : Have your FI tell them.
    Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

    Oh he's definitely going to be the one to communicate anything.  He's asking me on their behalf.

    Good stuff ladies!  Thanks for the insight :)
    Report Reply
  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    They asked. It's actually rude to NOT tell them in that situation. And I agree with a previous poster -- in my area, I'd heard that it was tradition for the groom's family to pay for the bar too so there might be some regional variations.
    Report Reply
  • b0710b0710 member
    100 Comments
    I don't know if it's regional or not, but the weddings I have been involved in what was considered "traditional" for the grooms family was the RD, bar at reception, and maybe the limo if you have one.  I think it's really different from place to place.  Maybe you could just pick another thing or two that is traditional for many people and go with that.
    Report Reply
  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In my family it's traditional for the groom's side to pick up the, RD bar, flowers and transportation.  I've seen others pick up the cost of transportation and the officiant.

    Personally, I think it's easier for them to pick up specific things.  For example if they are only in charge of the bar, they only have say in the bar.  If their money is put into the big pot, then have a say in everything in the pot.    Plus with your parents picking up a most of the wedding, they do not have to 'check with the in-laws' like they would if it was all one pot.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Report Reply
  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    a simple google produced this:
    Bride’s list
    * Grooms wedding ring
    * Grooms wedding gift
    * Bridal attendants gifts
    * Her medial exam and blood test (if required)
    * Accommodations for out of town attendants

    Groom’s list
    * Brides rings, engagement and wedding
    * Brides wedding gift
    * Gifts for the best man and ushers
    * Brides bouquet
    * Mothers corsages
    * Boutonnieres for attendants and father
    * His medical exam and blood test (if required)
    * Marriage license
    * Officiant’s fee
    * Honeymoon
    * Accommodations for out of town ushers

    Bride’s family
    * Ceremony costs, location, music , rentals etc.
    * Reception costs, food, beverages, music, rentals, decoration, cake etc.
    * Bride’s wedding attire and accessories
    * Wedding invitations and postage
    * Bridesmaids bouquets
    * Bridesmaids luncheon
    * Photographer, pictures and all prints
    * All floral decorations

    Grooms family
    * Rehearsal dinner
    * Honeymoon suite for wedding night
    Report Reply
  • jrkjpfjrkjpf member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_old-fashioned-pays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a417d190-f874-44a8-b344-09b5fd6aae49Post:d84606da-6c85-4470-84cd-00ed820175f5">Re: Old Fashioned "Who Pays"</a>:
    [QUOTE]a simple google produced this: Bride’s list * Grooms wedding ring * Grooms wedding gift * Bridal attendants gifts * Her medial exam and blood test (if required) * Accommodations for out of town attendants Groom’s list * Brides rings, engagement and wedding * Brides wedding gift * Gifts for the best man and ushers * Brides bouquet * Mothers corsages * Boutonnieres for attendants and father * His medical exam and blood test (if required) * Marriage license * Officiant’s fee * Honeymoon * Accommodations for out of town ushers <strong>Bride’s family * Ceremony costs, location, music , rentals etc. * Reception costs, food, beverages, music, rentals, decoration, cake etc. * Bride’s wedding attire and accessories * Wedding invitations and postage * Bridesmaids bouquets * Bridesmaids luncheon * Photographer, pictures and all prints * All floral decorations</strong> Grooms family * Rehearsal dinner * Honeymoon suite for wedding night
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    Holy cow, no wonder my parents wanted a 3rd boy instead of another girl ;)

    Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. -Bob Marley

    Report Reply
  • xokristenelisexokristenelise member
    10 Comments
    My parents never questioned the fact that they would pay for my wedding and have been saving for it for years. FI's parents want to help with the cost. They are paying for the bar at the reception, the flowers (bouquets, centerpieces, everything) and our honeymoon (but they are giving us their timeshare so it's practically free anyway). This probably isn't the traditional break up, but it's what works for us and it was an easy way to break up the costs without a bunch of "well half of this bill and a quarter of that..." business.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards