Gift etiquette

Re: Gift etiquette

• LQ82

  

  March 2013

  This is more out of curiosity than anything else...but I've been reading a lot of posts on here where people think it is rude to ask for money or contributions to honeymoon. I'm not sure i understand how it is any different than registering? If you are registering you are asking for particular gifts, just as someone who is requesting money. I decided not to register or indicate to people i wanted money because I just didn't feel comfortable with the idea of suggesting to people what they should gift us. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to call everyone who registers rude I appreciate registries when I'm shopping for someone's gift but can someone explain why suggesting, say, a particular cookset as a gift is acceptable, but suggesting cash or a gift card is, hands down, a big nono. I know a couple of our guests were frustrated we didnt register, but i just couldn't wrap my head around the idea of suggesting gifts for people to buy me, cash or otherwise. Just trying to understand don't hate :

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• jessicabessica member

  

  March 2013 edited March 2013

  People often want to get household gifts for newlyweds.  They don't want to get you a toaster if you already have one that you like.  They don't want to get you a toaster oven if you want a popup toaster.  A registry helps guide them as to your style and what you might want for your house.  It is a suggestion, not a required buy-from list.  

  
  

  There is no need to tell people that you want cash.  It is a very common wedding gift that people know is appreciated.  I don't know why anyone would want gift cards specifically.  They are just more limited than cash, and I would worry that if I asked for gift cards to a particular store, I'd end up with way more credit than I would use up--I'd prefer the flexibility of cash.  Maybe I'm just not a big shopper.  

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• hoffse member

  

  March 2013

  Registries began as a way to coordinate china, crystal, and silver patterns.  When you think about it, this makes sense - china, for example, is a very traditional gift, and how do guests know which pattern to buy from if you don't relay that information in some way?  Back in the day brides would go to their local china shops, select their patterns, and the shops would have that information available to guests who walked in.  I don't know about the rest of the country, but lots of small china shops in the south still operate this way.  One of our registries is at a local china shop that does this.  They put out a place setting of your china, everyday, drinkware, and flatware (with an engagement photo behind it), and guests can choose from that or select a coordinating gift.  It's not online, and as best as I can tell they don't track the number of gifts received.  We've received a lot of gifts from our various place settings that are displayed, and we have also received several items that coordinate beautifully that we did not register for. 

  
  

  Over time this morphed into the modern-day registry with quantities selected and received that run the gamut from china to measuring spoons.  The idea is still the same though - it's to provide guests guidance about things like pattern, color scheme, size, quantity, etc.  Cash is cash.  It doesn't change.  But there are 1000 choices when it comes to home items, and it's good for guests to have guidance about the couples' preferences and needs when selecting items for the home.  Registries are simply wish lists, and guests (hopefully) have many opions to choose from.  Cash, again, is a single choice - the only thing that changes about it is the denomination.

  
  

  Personally, I won't give cash because I don't want the bride and groom knowing how much I spent.  Even when I buy from a registry I'm usually able to do so during a great sale, using coupons, etc.  I can lower the price a lot.  I can't get a deal on cash.

  
  

  As for cash vs. gift cards, I'm in the minority on this.  I actually prefer gift cards because it lets me feel like I can take a bit of a shopping spree.  I actually feel guilty when I spend money that could be saved, so gift cards let me enjoy shopping without that feeling of "I really shouldn't be doing this."  For the wedding, FI and I are starting from scratch.  I'm pretty sure that even if every guest got us gift cards to the exact same store we could find a way to spend it without too much difficulty.  That's just us, though, and certainly doesn't apply for every couple.

  
  

  

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• Xstatic3333 member

  

  March 2013

  I've had a couple of friends register for cash, and it always felt odd to me though I couldn't articulate why. They are a young couple starting out that could use some cash. Well, great, so are we! Redistributing cash among ourselves just seems pointless. I'd rather spend my cash on a gift they will use, and maybe even think of us and their wedding when they do. HM registries didn't bother me as much, but since coming to TK I see all the problems with them and am grateful that I knew not to do one.

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• AddieCake member

  

  March 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_gift-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1ce21ab3-7ad4-47a5-bed7-5e2e160721f8Post:6b1720dc-f051-4c46-890d-f63d5541be6c">Re:Gift etiquette</a>:
  [QUOTE]I've had a couple of friends register for cash, and it always felt odd to me though I couldn't articulate why. They are a young couple starting out that could use some cash. Well, great, so are we! Redistributing cash among ourselves just seems pointless. 
  Posted by Xstatic3333[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Amen. One year, we gave a Walmart gift card to a cousin and her husband for Christmas, and they gave us the same thing, same amount. Pointless. We agreed to no gift cards for Christmas after that. </div>

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  March 2013

  A registry isn't asking for gift.  If you were to put the list or a registry card in your invitation, that would be asking for gifts.  With a registry, you make the list with the store.  If people ask about the registry, you let them know where.

  
  

  Making a registry is the same thing as having an answer when your grandmother asks you what you want for your birthday.  If you called her and told her you wanted some boots, that would be asking for boots.  If she calls you and asks what you want, and you respond that you'd like boots, you are not asking for a gift.  

  
  

  A registry is just a practical way of putting the boots you like, in the color you want, with the size you need in a location that a large number of people can find.  

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• OwningAHome1981 member

  

  March 2013 edited March 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_gift-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1ce21ab3-7ad4-47a5-bed7-5e2e160721f8Post:e04e82da-deda-49e7-bd92-55b8a30a3a08">Gift etiquette</a>:
  [QUOTE]This is more out of curiosity than anything else...but I've been reading a lot of posts on here where people think it is rude to ask for money or contributions to honeymoon. I'm not sure i understand how it is any different than registering? If you are registering you are asking for particular gifts, just as someone who is requesting money. I decided not to register or indicate to people i wanted money because I just didn't feel comfortable with the idea of suggesting to people what they should gift us. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to call everyone who registers rude I appreciate registries when I'm shopping for someone's gift but can someone explain why suggesting, say, a particular cookset as a gift is acceptable, but suggesting cash or a gift card is, hands down, a big nono. I know a couple of our guests were frustrated we didnt register, but i just couldn't wrap my head around the idea of suggesting gifts for people to buy me, cash or otherwise. Just trying to understand don't hate :
  Posted by LQ82[/QUOTE]
  
  A registry is just a suggestion of ideas. No one is obligated to get from it or obligated to even get a gift at all.
  
  What I think rubs me the wrong way about cash is that it doesn't necessarily have to be used or will be used in the fashion you as a guest are told it would be used for. While I do believe msot people will use their money for the honeymoon, some brides may have a honeyfund registry and her guests think she will use it for her honeymoon and then she insteads uses it to buy a new bag or shoes for herself. I think guests want to give you seomthing tangible that they know you want, will use and what it will be used for.

  

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• atalbot74 member

  

  March 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_gift-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1ce21ab3-7ad4-47a5-bed7-5e2e160721f8Post:e04e82da-deda-49e7-bd92-55b8a30a3a08">Gift etiquette</a>:
  [QUOTE]This is more out of curiosity than anything else...but I've been reading a lot of posts on here where people think it is rude to ask for money or contributions to honeymoon. I'm not sure i understand how it is any different than registering?
  Posted by LQ82[/QUOTE]
  
  I would look to the etiquette expert. There are way too many personal opinions on this topic :)
  <div><a href="http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/347-is-it-ok-to-ask-for-money" rel="nofollow">http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/347-is-it-ok-to-ask-for-money</a></div>

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