Getting Depressed - Vent

futuremssweets · July 2012

Hi everyone,

I am going to write how I feel because the stress of my wedding is getting me depressed. I have 1 month to go and sometimes I feel like cancelling the wedding and just go to city hall.

From the start my FI wanted to do a destination wedding, but I opposed because I wanted my family to be there. I have a large family and everyone is excited to come. However the same family is making me upset, stressed and ill.

I clearly stated that I do not want any kids at my wedding, the RSVP states "ADULT RECEPTION", yet still I have people responding back with their kids name on it ! And to make matters worse, the ONE child both me and FI do not want at my wedding, his parents state they have no one to leave him with and he HAS TO COME !

What is wrong with people? What cant they respect what we want? If we say no kids why do they think they can bring their kids no matter what?

I called the parents back (my family member) and told her there is no kids at the reception and to let me know which one of the parents is staying back. She said they dont want to stay back. So I told them unfortuanetly they cant come. Then they have the nerve to go through my grandmother and my grandmother is callling me TELLING ME that the child has to come because they have no one to leave him with (B..S..!)

I felt like crying last night. Here i am trying to having eveyone share in my joy, but yet still some of my family cannot respect my wishes. I feel like running away and cancelling the wedding and tell them we are not doing this anymore.

My RSVP is due this week and I have over 100ppl yet to respond? What is wrong with people? Why do they have to wait until the day the RSVP is due? I really wished I listed to FI and just went away, got married, then just have a big party, I would not be going through all this stress 1 month to go.

MrsSmith2Be02 · July 2012

Awwww {{HUGS}} I feel the same way, and haven't even gotten to the RSVP part yet. What I would do is stand firm on what YOU and FI want and whoever doesn't respond, there is NO seat for them. Save the money and the headache. Also, no kids = NO KIDS! Period. Tell them, there is no kids menu, there will be no other children there, and not being disrespectful but it is YOUR DAY YOUR EVENT NOT THEIRS so unfortunately you love the child but it is an ADULT ONLY reception. Period. They don't like it, sorry, we'll see you at a later date.

rowenac82 · July 2012

I know this is easier said than done but no need to be depressed. I had someone told me at the beginning of my planning process that weddings will actually get to the point where family members wouldn't speak to you after it is said and done. I have no idea why people especially family can't respect your wishes and also recognize that they are stressing you out with all of their requests. I know this is the last thing you want to think about now. But have you thought of offering your relatives the names of babysitters that will watch their children while they are at the wedding? Usually the response to this is that they don't want a stranger to watch their child.

And if that is the case, if you offer them different options and they still insist on bringing their child then they are basically saying that they are unable to attend. It just gets to the point where you have to be firm and realize you aren't doing anything wrong, this is what you want and if people can't respect your wishes, then your response is, "I would have really liked for you to be there to share my special day but I understand why you are not able to attend".

As for the 100 people that haven't responded as of yet and the deadline is this week, you might as well get on the phone and start calling them to ensure they received the invitation and remind them that the deadline is this week. Or you can wait till the deadline and start doing this.

Either ways, try not to let your wedding be the cause of sadness. This is suppose to be a happy time. The wedding day comes and goes so quickly, that you have to enjoy these days leading up to the wedding. Maybe even have your MOH help you out to call people for you concerning RSVPs.

TL25 · July 2012

I like what Ro said! Sorry you are so stressed((((( HUGS)))))

keyaira04 · July 2012

hey love (hugs)! I am sorry that this is happening. Remember, at the end of the day, not matter if the court house or the church house, you're marring the one God sent for only you. Embrace that.

rowenac82 is spitting a lot of wisdom. Stand firm. If they do not come, it will be ok. Do not let this issue take your joy. For those that you go out of your way to inform of the adult only policy, if they still oppose, let them know they will be missed and you're visit them after the honeymoon...then wipe your hands clean and keep it moving. Don't let it steal your joy of marrying your man; that's the victory they want. Blessings in your planning.

MrsBoss2012 · July 2012

I am sending you a great big ((((HUG))))). I am two months out and I feel like I am sinking into a depression too all because of my family!! They are stressing me out! We HAVE to stand firm and remember what is most important. The union of you and your husband. We can't let them steal our joy. Stand firm girl. Stand firm.

MissusD1116 · July 2012

I agree with Ro totally!

M1ssJ · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_getting-depressed-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:5ac158ee-8081-46d6-b58c-78f1d411b36ePost:f6878c2c-d3ae-43c5-b06f-11e419753c50">Re: Getting Depressed - Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I know this is easier said than done but<strong> no need to be depressed</strong>. I had someone told me at the beginning of my planning process that weddings will actually get to the point where family members wouldn't speak to you after it is said and done. I have no idea why people especially family can't respect your wishes and also recognize that they are stressing you out with all of their requests. I know this is the last thing you want to think about now. But have you thought of offering your relatives the names of babysitters that will watch their children while they are at the wedding? Usually the response to this is that they don't want a stranger to watch their child. And if that is the case, <strong>if you offer them different options and they still insist on bringing their child then they are basically saying that they are unable to attend</strong>. It just gets to the point where you have to <strong>be firm and realize you aren't doing anything wrong,</strong> this is what you want and if people can't respect your wishes, then your response is, "I would have really liked for you to be there to share my special day but I understand why you are not able to attend". As for the 100 people that haven't responded as of yet and the deadline is this week, you might as well get on the phone and start calling them to ensure they received the invitation and remind them that the deadline is this week. Or you can wait till the deadline and start doing this. Either ways, try not to let your wedding be the cause of sadness. This is suppose to be a happy time. The wedding day comes and goes so quickly, that you have to enjoy these days leading up to the wedding. Maybe even have your MOH help you out to call people for you concerning RSVPs.
Posted by rowenac82[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This . All this. Ro said it so well. It is not just your family! We're all going through it

</div>

RealHappyGal · July 2012

awww sweety, Im at 52 days and I totally understand.

Can you get away with saying that the venue has an age limit on their insureance because of the liquor being served? That you obtained permission only for the children IN the wedding party?? Its terrible to have to lie instead of just having your wishes respected but, sometimes we have to do what we have to do.

You are NOT WRONG, Especially if this is a child that can not behave him/herself. Do you want to be legally or financially responsible for a mis behaving child?? Well guess what lady, its you and hubbie's names on the contract....

Best of wishes. more {{{{hugs}}}}

20pearls16 · July 2012

I feel your pain. My RSVP's are due this Saturday. My FI and I said we were going to call certain people, but everyone was NOT getting a call back. We are all grown adults.

Remember the whole point is to be married at the end. Even if it is jut you and your future Husband, that is all that matters.

tirathemrs · July 2012

Awwww so sorry you are going thru such foolishness...ppl should definitely understand its your day and dispite everything its all about what you and your new husband want the rest doesnt even matter....

Me personally id tell them if they cant leave him home they wont be able to come i.e. they are uninvited...sorry

keysmit · July 2012

Awww Hun, I am so sorry that you are going through this.. Everyone has given you some really good advice.. It's crazy how people forget that this is YOUR special day and they can only respect your decision.. Don't be stressed and depressed, everything will work out fine. Just be very stern about the no kids policy and go from there. You can not aim to please everyone. Don't forget that this is your day and this union is about you and your future husband...., if people want to continue to be foolish, don't entertain it. I can't believe she arguing or trying to compromise on something you and your FI is paying for and trying to compromise your request.. Blessings to you hun.. I pray that it all works out.. HUGS..

futuremssweets · July 2012

Thanks for the virtual hugs and support everyone, I really needed to vent, clear my head. Thanks for the advice, like everyone said, in the end it is about me and FI and our day. I will take this in mind as I deal with the family

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