QOTD 8/9

minionlover · August 2012

So recently FI has been in contact with his half-sister. He always knew that she existed but never knew her name or much about her. He found her name last week in some Court papers and had a friend contact her on FB, (we don't have accounts). Since then they have been talking every day and we are meeting her on Saturday. Now I on the other hand have a half-brother that was given up for adoption before my parents got married. Since FI found his sister, I am trying to find mine. My search is alot hard because of the adoption and the unfortunate passing of my (our) mom over 30 years ago.

So my question is....what would you do if you found out you had a long lost sibling? Would you try to find them or just leave it alone?

Sorry this is so long

achiduck · August 2012

Wow, that's a hard question to answer. I'm not 100% sure of my answer because I'm not in the same situation but I think I would probably want to try and find them.

KittennDave · August 2012

Wow, toughie... I've never had any siblings, so I'm not sure how I'd feel about it at all, I think I might be curious and want to find them, but I'm not sure I'd want to connect with them or talk to them, but I don't really know!

halij52002 · August 2012

I might try and find them. I'm not super close to any of my siblings (I'm the only girl). Just to think that if I did have a long lost sibling (that could be a girl) that I could potentially have a close relationship with is tough to think about. Good luck in whatever decision you make.

fishinflagrl · August 2012

My FI was adopted, and he wanted nothing to do with finding his real parents. I think I pushed too much, but he got papers from his mother before she passed. I was surprised, but he ended up sending paperwork to the national adoption registry in hopes of finding soemthing on his long lost family. I hope he does, it would be a really neat.

I personally would definitely want to know as much as possible. I would have too many questions and it would just bug me not knowing. I say go for it!!! Please keep me updated on it.

lehc723 · August 2012

That's a toughie. I think so, yes, but I think that would open a lot more questions of my (already complicated) relationship with my parents, as they've never even implied that could possibly be an option, so it would be difficult to deal with those lies.

sedoniger · August 2012

This is an interesting question. Although I don't think I have any siblings I don't know about, I did have something similiar happen about 10 years ago. When AOL was popular, I randomly got a message from someone saying he was my first cousin (my uncle's son), which was interesting because as far as I knew, my uncle never had any children. Well, supposedly he did and my parents had only found out a few weeks earlier at the reading of my late grandmother's will! (My cousin had found my name because he read in the paper that my grandmother had passed.) My parents met him a few times since then, but I never did.

amandaorgan · August 2012

I would definitely want to know. I know that I have a half-uncle on my mom's side that she has met only a very small handful of times, and I think that is so bizarre. I can't even remember his name (I've never net him before).

I, myself have a half-sister who is about 13 years younger than me. We live across the country from each other, but we certainly know one another exists. I would like to have a closer relationship one day, but as I am not close our dad, it makes it pretty tough as she is only 12. I couldn't image knowing that someone was out there with same blood as me with no idea that I existed.

ivedonethisb4 · August 2012

I'm pretty sure I'd want to know. I have a half brother and sister who are 10 and 9 years older than me. I've known them for as long as I can remember but they've never been HUGE parts of my life. I haven't seen my brother since I think 1997. My sister and I are a lot closer though...I do wish we were able to see each other more than once a year. She lives 9 hours away so its definately difficult to get once a year in. I can't imagine not knowing her at ALL.

aimee58 · August 2012

Wow...it's cool that they have the opportunity to connect.

I think I'm just too nosy to not find out. I'd be going crazy knowing I was related to someone out there and not know who he/she is.

A girl I went to high school with was adopted as a baby. She got a hold of her parents' address and sent them a letter. They responded and she found out she had an older sibling and a younger one. I think that would be hard to know that your parents had one after you and before but gave you up.

mbuckley85 · August 2012

Oh jeez, I don't know! My dad had this situation and met his half brother and sister as well as their children. My dad's half sister's kid ended up marrying a good friend of one of the cousins from my mothers side, which is kind of bizarre. We see them a lot since they live nearby, but we don't really associate with the rest of them. My dads half brother has kind of a blah personality and his wife is awful. The half sister was a drug addict and alcoholic. My dad already has 2 sisters, 2 half sisters and a half brother that he actually grew up with and he's close with all of them, so he doesn't really push a relationship with the others.

lv2011 · August 2012

I think I'd probably not try. I think I'd sit back and see if the half-sibling contacted me. If he/she did, I wouldn't shirk from the connection, but I doubt I would seek it out. I feel that it would likely drag up more things unpleasant than pleasant. And I definitely shy away from those sorts of uncomfortable scenarios.

mlperkins12 · August 2012

That is very cool that you are going to meet FI's sister. I think if I were in a similar situation I would want to find my lost sibling, I'd think of it as gaining a better understanding of who I am as much as meeting a lost relative. I certainly recognize the dangers associated, but if I met them and didn't want to continue the relationship for whatever reason at least I could check it off knowing I tried, and made an informed decision not to stay connected..

mrshall1027 · August 2012

I would probably want to find them. I don't like having unanswered questions in any case, so it would definitely bother me not knowing.

FI thinks he may have some half siblings out there. His father was married before he met FI's mom, but he never wants to talk about it and when he's asked about there being other children, he changes the subject. FI has researched it in the past, but nothing has come up.

hllokttygirl · August 2012

I have 2 older half brothers that I have never meet. My dad was married before my mom and she took off with the kids. My dad has also not spoken to them in years. I would love to find out where they are and meet them one day.

snuff9861 · August 2012

I would probably want to find them and meet them!

lepoissonrouge · August 2012

I think I would want to meet them, but I am not sure because I am not in the situation right now.

A good friend of mine found out a couple of years ago that her biological father, who had never been involoved in her life was married and had three kids and reached out to them. She wanted the sibling relationship more than anything and it's been really good for all of them. Her dad was a completely different person and she's happy she did it.

Ividian · August 2012

I'm pretty sure I would try to find them and introduce myself.

kimm260 · August 2012

When I was in like 5th or so grade my dad got a phone call from his half brother that he never knew existed. My grandmother had him when she was 16 and gave him up for adoption only her siblings and parents knew and it was shocking that no one said anything because one of her brother was an alcoholic. He also grew up 3 towns over from my dad. Well we met him and his 5 kids from several different wives. My grandmother met him but died a few years later. There is some contact between my him and my dad but not too much. He can be very innapropriate and drinks a lot.

Then when I graduated from high school my mom got a call from my dad's half sister that we never knew existed. She was my grandfathers daughter. We know that he didn't know she existed because he would have, without a doubt, found her and its sad he never got to meet her. My mom actually accused her of trying to scam us because it had already happened and it was in the local paper and stuff. My parents spend quite a bit of time with her and her family. What is funny is that she and my dad share a birthday.

So after that long story. I say go for it. the best that could happen is you gain a great brother in law /family, the worst is you realize that you have nothing in common don't want to continue a relationship and you will never have to wonder what if.

pengy16 · August 2012

Well technically I have long lost family members...

My parents divorced when I was young. My dad remarried and had two kids of which I have never met. Since I am not close with my dad's side of the family I have never met anyone on his side of the family. With facebook, I have been getting contacted by family from my dads side.

I am thinking about meeting with my dad and family if FI and I go to Florida for our HM next year but I am still undecided since he really hasnt made much effort to have a relationship with me or my brother (who he has never met).

QOTD 8/9

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