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Asking Parents to let one kid but not the other?

StephJean83StephJean83 member
500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Party
Has anyone ever had to ask parents to let one kid be in their wedding but not their other
kid(s)? Or have you had one kid in a wedding but not others?  We aren't asking anyone to be in the wedding yet but we have been talking about who we would want to be in our wedding. We both want our nieces as FGs (he has one who will 6 yrs old and I have one who will be almost 4 yrs old when we get married) but we are struggling with RBs. FH wants to ask his good friend from college if his son could be one of the RBs and I want to ask my good friend if her son could be the other RB. The problem, that may not be such a problem, is that she has a daughter who would be invited to the wedding but wouldn't be in the wedding.
You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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Re: Asking Parents to let one kid but not the other?

  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    That is what I was thinking but I was probably overthinking things about being rude by not including her daughter. We still have 1 1/2 yrs or so before have to really decide anything and dynamics can change.

    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-parents-to-let-one-kid-but-not-the-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36d4c49a-8217-4144-8d82-e9d8ae0b8bdfPost:c8934f5b-f1c3-4fd7-a3ed-627192deb1df">Re: Asking Parents to let one kid but not the other?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You don't need to ask one kids just b/c you're asking their sibling.  <strong>It's ok for kids to not be included in EVERYTHING.
    </strong>Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    This.  Honestly it isn't the kids who care if they are or aren't in a wedding it is the parents who make a huge deal out of it.  Ask who you want.  If the parents have an issue with only having one of their kids included they will either get over it or not have their one kid in the wedding.

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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    Agree.  DH and I asked his three godchildren (out of 18 total nieces and nephews) to be in our wedding.  Everybody was invited; everybody participated in pictures.  It doesn't sound like you're planning to exclude siblings from the wedding and reception, so I think it is fine to only ask certain siblings to participate in the ceremony

    I would say that I'd keep the same rule as asking adult wedding party members - wait until 6 to 9 months out - and if you aren't comfortable asking your friend's son but not her daughter, you could just have the one ring bearer.
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  • SJM7538SJM7538 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I think since these are your friends kids you're fine and there will be no hurt feelings.

    IDK about everyone else - but for me if it was a family matter and I asked one niece and not the other it might cause some drama, but not with friends.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Relax and have fun planning but don't ask anyone adult or children to be in your wedding yet. You have an idea of who you want in it but like a PP said, wait until you're about 9 months out to ask because who knows what could happen between now & then with friendship or even with the kids. Those cute kids you think would be great right now, could end up being total terrors in a year.
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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Oh, we are definately waiting on actually asking anyone. We are trying to come up with an idea of who we want to ask so we can get an idea of our actual guest list.

    We are leaning towards using friend's kids for RBs just to avoid family drama with using his cousins or cousins' kids for RB since we will ask to have our nieces to be FGs. I'm already bracing myself for the onslaught of family drama on his side for not including more of his cousins or the older cousins' kids.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    It won't matter is the siblings are in the wedding, just as long as the siblings can go to the wedding :)
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    The oldest kid to be in our WP will be my nephew at 15 the rest will be 3 to 6 yrs old. I don't plan on asking til alot closer just because a lot can happen between now and than. We purposely don't want to ask any of FH's cousins or cousins' kids because they are the whole "all or none" type crowd. I'm already prepping for the drama that will ensue when some of his cousins find out they or their kids won't be in the wedding.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-parents-to-let-one-kid-but-not-the-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36d4c49a-8217-4144-8d82-e9d8ae0b8bdfPost:f041ae67-9152-4651-98c7-9d62fc8f14f9">Re: Asking Parents to let one kid but not the other?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I asked my maid of honor's son to be our RB. She also had a daughter (who is even named after me) but I didn't ask her to be flower girl because my hubby's daughter was flower girl. It didn't appear to cause any problems. I frankly had not ever considered it until your post. The daughter came to the wedding in a cute dress and danced at the reception etc.
    Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

    When we first started talking about who we want to ask to be in the WP this boy came to mind because of the friendship I have with his mom. I wouldn't have given it much thought but last weekend we were at a wedding and carpooled down with some friends who are getting married next summer, so we were in wedding talk overload. One of the wedding guests was sitting at the table chatting and she said if someone asked for one of her kids to be in the wedding but not her other she would decline because they're a packaged deal.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I didn't really understand her logic that if you ask for one, that you have to include both or she says no. I realize that a parent can say no since a request is not a subpeona but I don't get the whole, you can't be closer to one of my children or have just one in a wedding because I have 2 children. If I ever asked a parent with 2 children to have one but not the other child in my wedding, I would still give the other child a small gift and of course include that child as a guest at the wedding.

    I'm almost to the point of no children at all to our wedding but with my niece and his niece who I want there since I'm very close to both, I don't want a completely children free wedding. Maybe have just our nieces as FGs and no RBs or our nieces and one RB that is is friend's son.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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