Couples' shower question (CN at the bottom)

luualita · May 2011

I had once told my mom that I didn't enjoy most of the bridal shower games I'd played at the bridal showers I had been to. Most of them were just not my thing I guess. Anyway she's helping my little brother (Man of honor) plan my bridal shower and she told me they decided to have a pampered chef demo instead of party games.

Now my fiancee and I are total foodies and having a cooking demo at our couples shower sounds like a ton of fun and I'm all for it. But I'm not comfortable with the people having to buy stuff part of it. I told her that and she said I was making things more complicated than I had to, but I'm pretty sure it's not in line with ettiquite.

It's kind of a moot point right now. She's writing the invites out as we speak and she's listing our registries and that there's a pampered cheft demo as entertainment on them. And I don't want to seem like I'm being ungreatful for the party she's trying to throw for me.

But anyway, is a Pampered Chef party a no no for a Couple's Shower?

ootmother2 · May 2011

I think it's rude but I've never seen a pampered chef party

DramaGeek · May 2011

I don't know one guy who would like to go to a Pampered Chef party. Sorry.

luualita · May 2011

Neither have I, which is why I'm kind of confused. I looked at the website, and it seems like it's a Lia Sophia or Scentsy thing, the host demos things using their products and if people want to buy they can.

Which is why I'm not sure it's good ettiqute, I'm not asking them to buy more things for me, we already have a registry. My mom is putting registry info on the invites. I think she's more focused on the cooking demo part of the whole thing but that would be kind of backseated to the pampered chef person trying to sell her stuff to the guests I think.

Celles · May 2011

Has your mom ever been to a Pampered Chef party? Sure, the demo part is fun, especially with a good consultant, but overall it's basically one long sales pitch. I think it would be really awkward to ask guests to bring shower gifts and then pressure them to purchase from Pampered Chef on top of that -- especially if it was somehow implied that their purchases should be additional gifts for you. I avoid work "parties" like this because I don't want to be in the position of telling a boss or co-worker no. I imagine the pressure would be even worse at a shower. Honestly, as a wedding guest, I wouldn't attend unless you were a very good friend.

ajroark · May 2011

I've never heard of this being done at a shower before - seems gift-grabby to me.

luualita · May 2011

Let me put it this way.

My fiancee and our friends arranged an Iron Chef competiton in a professional rented kitchen. Trust me, the guys will enjoy it.

mica178 · May 2011

I've never been to a Pampered Chef party, but I definitely cannot imagine H sitting through a shower based around cooking stuff.

DramaGeek · May 2011

luualita, it is a direct sales company like Lia Sophia and Scentsy. They demo the product and then people can buy or book their own party afterward. The PC bridal shower I was invited to was like Bree mentioned. I didn't go because I found it to be a bit awkward. I didn't want to feel forced into buying from a certain product line and I thought it would be weird to show up with a gift from a B&M store.

Who is the PC rep? Can you talk to that person and let them know you're more interested in it being a demo and less about them hocking their wares? If it's a close friend or family member I'm sure they'll understand.

luualita · May 2011

I really don't want to seem gift grabby. Also, I'm not sure Pampered Chef products are all that good. We picked the stuff on our registry very carefully, we want people to buy from there, not from the pampered chef.

Celles · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-shower-question-cn-bottom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:305203ef-3d4c-471b-8208-dbac8ef61a64Post:882561f9-70bb-48b7-aed8-231fc95a0fd6">Re: Couples' shower question (CN at the bottom)</a>:
[QUOTE]Let me put it this way. My fiancee and our friends arranged an Iron Chef competiton in a professional rented kitchen. Trust me, the guys will enjoy it.
Posted by luualita[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry to say that a Pampered Chef demo isn't like that. The food is basically just background for the sales pitch. It isn't anything that your foodie friends will find memorable.

luualita · May 2011

I have no idea who the pc rep is.

DramaGeek · May 2011

It sounds like you would prefer more of a cooking class or competition for the shower rather than a PC party. Any chance you could arrange another iron chef thing or even do something silly, like put out random ingredients and everyone needs to make something in 20 minutes, then you and the groom sample and choose the winner? That sounds fun to me.

luualita · May 2011

I just tried telling my mom I was concerned it wasn't polite to have that kind of shower.

She groaned and said 'I wish you had never gotten that ettiquite book'

I am now torn between laughing and hitting my head against the nearest wall.

Brandiewine11 · May 2011

While you get to taste the food, the demo part of every Pampered Chef party I've been to was about 20 minutes long. The "party" was a 2 hr sales pitch really. It is definitely not "entertainment." I have a couple of items that are nice from PC but unless you are asking for these items for your gifts, then I would explain this to your mother and cancel that part of the shower. Or you need to decline the shower overall. From what you're describing it would be awkward and not really fun. (Your FI might like it but I do not know any other guys who would enjoy this at all....and my FI is really into cooking.)

DramaGeek · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-shower-question-cn-bottom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:305203ef-3d4c-471b-8208-dbac8ef61a64Post:643997b3-5d51-4b75-a530-14289019153c">Re: Couples' shower question (CN at the bottom)</a>:
[QUOTE]I just tried telling my mom I was concerned it wasn't polite to have that kind of shower. <strong>She groaned and said 'I wish you had never gotten that ettiquite book'</strong> I am now torn between laughing and hitting my head against the nearest wall.
Posted by luualita[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cry.gif" border="0" alt="Cry" title="Cry" />

thesequel · May 2011

The last PC party I got invited to was one big sales pitch. It was like a Tupperware party or something of the like.

If you don't want them to buy PC products, then why have the party with a PC host?

luualita · May 2011

I don't think she has, she told me my FI was ok with it, and I called him and he confirmed that and I checked with one of our other friends who I thought would think it was rude and she said it was fine. Since her and her family/social group were the ones I thought would be side-eyeing us over it I'm not so worried anymore.

Fi says we dont' have much baking stuff on our registry and baking is our favorite activity ( We want to make our own buisness in that) and we're low on decent supplies for it.

My mom is very polite and well mannered, she just thinks some of the nit-pickier wedding rules can be a bit over stressful and doesn't think people care about them too much.

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2011

PC is expensive overall.

cac7777 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-shower-question-cn-bottom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:305203ef-3d4c-471b-8208-dbac8ef61a64Post:8319b7e7-40de-4738-88ba-fa9f790f093a">Re: Couples' shower question (CN at the bottom)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Couples' shower question (CN at the bottom) : Will they enjoy being asked to buy things? Sorry, but I see PC along the same lines as a jewelry or tupperware party and don't go to them. The demo part is usually fun and then it gets awkward. I HATE when my friends trap me in a room and have someone try to sell me crap.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah... I agree. </div><div>
</div><div>P.S.--Duds, I love your siggy pic. What flowers are those?</div>

Ghoti · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-shower-question-cn-bottom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:305203ef-3d4c-471b-8208-dbac8ef61a64Post:868493c2-9e0d-4ea5-8784-e5b6a894a90a">Re: Couples' shower question (CN at the bottom)</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think she has, she told me my FI was ok with it, and I called him and he confirmed that and I checked with one of our other friends who I thought would think it was rude and she said it was fine. Since her and her family/social group were the ones I thought would be side-eyeing us over it I'm not so worried anymore. Fi says we dont' have much baking stuff on our registry and baking is our favorite activity ( We want to make our own buisness in that) and we're low on decent supplies for it. My mom is very polite and well mannered, she just thinks some of the nit-pickier wedding rules can be a bit over stressful and doesn't think people care about them too much.
Posted by luualita[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This isn't about being nitpicky or following an etiquette rule. And people here are telling you what your friends wont say to your face. It's uncomfortable to go to a shower where someone throws a pressure sales pitch at you. Add in peer pressure and the "oh look if you get this and this then your bride gets this!" and you'll end up looking like a shmuck while your friends pay out more than they wanted to because they didn't want to be "that guy" who doesn't buy anything.

</div>

katieisawesome · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-shower-question-cn-bottom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:305203ef-3d4c-471b-8208-dbac8ef61a64Post:c0455ad0-57fb-4522-9af2-cea60f2d97b1">Couples' shower question (CN at the bottom)</a>:
[QUOTE]I had once told my mom that I didn't enjoy most of the bridal shower games I'd played at the bridal showers I had been to. Most of them were just not my thing I guess. Anyway she's helping my little brother (Man of honor) plan my bridal shower and she told me they decided to have a pampered chef demo instead of party games. Now my fiancee and I are total foodies and having a cooking demo at our couples shower sounds like a ton of fun and I'm all for it. But I'm not comfortable with the people having to buy stuff part of it. I told her that and she said I was making things more complicated than I had to, but I'm pretty sure it's not in line with ettiquite. It's kind of a moot point right now. She's writing the invites out as we speak and she's listing our registries and that there's a pampered cheft demo as entertainment on them. And I don't want to seem like I'm being ungreatful for the party she's trying to throw for me. But anyway, is a Pampered Chef party a no no for a Couple's Shower?
Posted by luualita[/QUOTE]

<div>Wait, so it's a Pampered Chef party where the guests buy items for you out of the catalog? Yeah I think that's gross personally but I don't know if it's exactly... wrong.</div>

jessicabessica · May 2011

It seems like the least rude thing would be if the guests didn't get you presents beforehand and just got you stuff from PC, because then at least they would be expecting to buy the gift at the shower rather than giving more than they intended because of pressure from the rep. But it sounds like you don't even want that much stuff from PC. Can you explain that to your mom? IMO, it's not really fair to the rep to have them to a party just to do a demo if no one is planning to buy anything, which maybe is what your mom is thinking will happen? (I don't have any particular sympathy for the reps, I just don't like to lead sellers on if I know I'm not buying.)

If she wants a cooking demo, are there any culinary schools in your area? Maybe someone could come in and do a demo. Some farmer's markets also have cooking demos with local ingredients, which would be really fun to have personalized to your tastes, I think. I have done an organized Iron Chef competition before, and while it was fun, I don't know how it would work for a shower.

MissKate2011 · May 2011

I don't think it's that bad since the guests will be buying items for themselves right?

I've been to a pampered chef party and it really depends on the consultant. They do their cooking demo then give you a catalogue and an order form. If you want something you order if you don't then you don't. You still get to enjoy the yummy food they prepared and then you can socialize. It's not that long.

Isn't it kinda rude to tell your Mom how to host a party in your honor that you're not supposed to have imput in?

noodle_oo · May 2011

I’ve been to Pampered Chef parties before and I personally hate them. I hate feeling put on the spot to buy stuff. It is usually a pretty high pressure sales pitch and you feel peer pressured into buying stuff. The person who throws the party gets a ton of incentives based on how much the guests buy, which also makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like them in general, but I think they are even worse for a shower. I think it is really rude to put your guests in a situation where they feel trapped and pressured to buy you stuff on the spot. Personally, I would decline this shower and just tell your mom you are not comfortable with it. Your friends and family will not tell you to your face that they think it is really tacky, but they will be saying it behind your back.

luualita · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-shower-question-cn-bottom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:305203ef-3d4c-471b-8208-dbac8ef61a64Post:5df4eadd-b503-4d35-b773-58d04b3a4ccc">Re: Couples' shower question (CN at the bottom)</a>:
[QUOTE] Isn't it kinda rude to tell your Mom how to host a party in your honor that you're not supposed to have imput in?
Posted by MissKate2011[/QUOTE]
I know. I should just be greatful she's throwing me a shower at all. It's just the more I think about it the more turned off I get. Though that could be because of my epicly bad day at work today.

Couples' shower question (CN at the bottom)

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