Big local mexican wedding or an intimate wedding with only our closest friends and family?

lyssalou89 · June 2011

I come from a big Mexican family with over 100 first cousins and countless uncles and aunts (lol). My fiance comes from a much smaller family. I have been planning an intimate wedding for our closest family and friends, but after reviewing flight prices I'm worried even my closest family can't make it to our Hawaiian wedding while my fiances family can. Family is very important to me but the last thing I want is a traditional big drunk Mexican wedding with people I don't know. Also, it has always been mine and my fiances dream to marry in Maui and I already have a planner, venue, and photographer tentatively reserved. I'm just worried it won't be the dream wedding if our closest friends can't afford to go. The reason I don't want to have it here in California is because I know that by having it in California I will feel obligated to invite first cousins, 2nd cousins, 3rd cousins, so on and so forth and people I don't even know! So which would you think? I don't want to be thoughtless and not consider those who want but can't afford to go by wedding in Maui, but I also don't want to be forced to throw a huge party locally for distant cousins and such. I felt like Hawaii was a way to not only have our dream wedding but to also help make it a more intimate ceremony. Thanks girls for any advice you can give!

Tanq&Tonic · June 2011

Welcome!! You're pondering on some great thoughts that I think many of us grappled with during the decision process. And there's no right answer, but I can offer some advice from my experience, and the other brides on this board can as well. You might also find the destination wedding forum a useful reference, too, as it reaches a broader audience of DW brides outside of just Hawaii.

I'm going to ramble in bullet form...

- Having our wedding in Maui is the single best decision we made in the process. It was tough to get everyone on board, but I don't regret it one bit. In the end, it was the right thing for us. I have a huge family. None of them besides parents and our own siblings got an invite to Hawaii. We compromised and threw a 350 person AHR when we got home (500 invitees)... Hawaii was our day, AHR was our parents'.

- Having family there is clearly critical to you. Do you have options to help ensure your family can be there? Planning further in the future to give people time to save up, or yourself time to save up so you can help cover some travel costs, etc? Many of us also rent houses, secure group rates at hotels, or secure airfare discounts to help ease the burden of travel.

- Maui may be your dream, but perhaps you can use that destination for a honeymoon and hold your wedding in a "less taxing destination"? You're in Northern CA...what about a wedding in San Diego? Not all 100 cousins would make the trip, but it's less expensive that flying to Hawaii. Would that help your close family attend and still keep others away?

- You can always have a giant wedding but still customize it to feel like a small one. My best friend officiated our wedding. She wrote the entire ceremony with stories about us, likes/dislikes, and milestones in our live together. She could have read that in front of 500 people and it would still have been fully personal and intimate because it was OURS. And you can keep adding personal touches by tailoring how the reception goes, your theme, your food, your music, etc.

- Or you can just have a local wedding and be brutal with the invite list. I defnitely understand the obligation factor, but if you can get your parents comfortable with where you draw the line on the invite list, it may not matter at all where you have the ceremony because the invite list will consist only of those you really want there.

Not sure if that's helpful, but hopefully it gives you a few possibilities to think about. I think the biggest thing I learned in this process is that a wedding is about learning to compromise. So, in this case, do you want to compromise on your guilt/obligation, attendees, cost/money, or location/dream, etc?

[Deleted User] · June 2011

I so agree with all of Tanq's points!

My brother's wedding had 400 people and it was such a fabulous event! For me and my fiance we wanted something small and intimate with only the people we cared most about. That's why we dreamed up the destination wedding.

I know our wedding is going to go off wonderfully and what exactly what we wanted and I don't regret our decision. BUT right now we're dealing with a lot of no rsvps and some people that I thought would be able to just weren't able to make it. We knew it was going to happen and there would be disappointment but I have to remind myself that this is what we wanted.

The biggest question I would ask is how intimate do you want it and who do you really need there?

Next call up those people on the top tier list and ask whether they could do it (taking time off work and whether they could save the money to do it). Also give them a heads up as soon as you finalize your decision and the date.

Another idea I think is a great suggestion from Tanq is having it somewhere in California but far enough where it's still a destination. There's Tahoe, San Diego, Napa Valley for a start.

lyssalou89 · June 2011

Thank you both so much for the advice! After reading the posts I sat and thought about it and realized that I would rather have those closest to me there rather than a big bash locally. I mean, I knew this before, but I realized that having our Hawaiian wedding is my dream and I get sad just thinking about having it anywhere else. I mean this is what I have always envisioned. Not only my dream either, but my fiances. I don't think it's fair to shortchange him of his dream just because I want to accomodate all of my extended family (even though I know he would be willing to for me). I also discussed this with my closest friends and family as you both advised. They all told me that they were more than happy it was being held there and have been saving since I mentioned it would be in Hawaii. They also said they saw it as a vacation as well and gave them all an excuse to take a trip to Hawaii they wouldn't have otherwise taken. My parents also were so supportive and said that they know this is what I've wanted and what they want for me and they both think I should have it there. That was all I needed to hear. Today, I'm sending in the deposit for my coordinator and my photographer. Yay, its happening!!! Thanks again girls!!!

Tanq&Tonic · June 2011

WOOHOO!!! And an official welcome to the board! We're thrilled to have another Hawaii bride. Can't wait to hear all about your plans!

Who did you pick for photography and coordination?

lyssalou89 · June 2011

Kara from Your Aloha Wedding Company and Anna Kim for photography!

Big local mexican wedding or an intimate wedding with only our closest friends and family?

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