I'm going to elope.

marcellah · January 2012

I've tried not to complain this entire time. We've been engaged since November of 2010, and other than the first week of our engagement, my mother has not cared or shown any concern, any desire to help, or ANYTHING.

I ask if she can proof read invites? It is a giant issue.

I'm 21, her first daughter to be married, and I still live at home. This isn't like I live on my own and have for a long time.

Not only that, but my dad promised to help pay for the wedding. He gave a sum amount that he would help, and how much have I seen? Other than paying for half of my dress? I called him this weekend and had to finally ask for money. (Which, if you promised it, I shouldn't have to do, right?) He sent a check for $250. I PAID $100 ON MEDICAL BILLS TODAY. $250 is nothing.

I'm running away.

Sorry to be a downer. I just don't have many people to talk about this stuff with. I adore my MOH, but she hates weddings. Loves me, so she wants to be by my side, but hates weddings. (She did elope...lol)

GAH you can ignore this. I just needed to send it out of my chest. lol

marcellah · January 2012

And to add to this...

it isn't so much the money, I just want my mother to CARE. She didn't even go with me to the dress fitting. Also? she doesn't work. It wasn't like she had to be at work...she was home.

OK i'm done.

em01092 · January 2012

I'm really sorry you are going through this. That is really sucky when you don't have a good support system around you. That's what we are for!

I don't really know what to tell you about your mom. Does she have big things weighing on her right now? Bills, medical issues, etc? Does she not approve of your marriage/FI? Some women just are not big into weddings. She may feel it is a waste of money and you should just go down to the JOP? I'd just keep asking her to do stuff, and maybe have a heart to heart with her. Let her know you want her involved.

As for your dad, I think that is just awful. I know that parents are not obligated to pay and that showers/parties and all that are optional, but I think it is SO wrong for people to offer things like that and then fall through. I understand things happen, so did your dad have any unforseen expenses come up? That's the only reason I'd tell you to be understanding. That said, even though it's a diickmove to promise money and then fall through, what can you do? One of my BMs FFIL is like this. He promised to pay for their HM to France, and now he isn't even speaking to her FI.

I would just plan for what you can without your dad's money. If by some chance you booked a vendor or venue under the impression that you would be getting X from him, I would call him and just ask what's going on. That's not rude, IMO, since he offered and you need to know if that money is coming or not.

XxMari518xX · January 2012

I truly understand!

I'm older than you at 27 and have two older sisters and my both parents. Besides begging involvement at one point (my sisters got better), I handwrote 70 out of 80 envelopes myself even though both sisters promised to help (my sister helped with 10 and got bored, and stamped all the RSVP envelopes myself ). I asked my mom to proofread the invites and it took her 4 months and there were still things she missed. She almost didn't come to select my dress because she had to go grocery shopping.

SOO ... I promise I know what you are going through (including the money issue).
But try not to let that ruin YOUR day ... I am still trying to figure it out myself. But your wedding is for YOU and YOUR FIANCE. Try to do bonding things with him.

Maybe just try to talk to your mom one more time and tell her how important it is that she be involved.

marcellah · January 2012

Thanks, ladies!! You guys are great.

As for my mom...Not anything other than being too wrapped up in her own life to look into mine. She calld to vent about her sister-in-law, (not my aunt.) and then I mentiond, my first dress fitting is tomorrow!" Her response? "Yay! AND THEN SHE SAID!"

I had my gay best friend come with. (My MOH was SICKSICKSICK, poor thing.)

My dad? no. He should be more than fine with money. If he doesn't have it, it is his own fault.

My two sisters are young. (Two of my BM's.) And my other best friend lives in Michigan. I've done everything myself, as well, XxMari518xX. The worst part is I'd do it all over again by myself if my mom just cared.

I honestly feel like yesterday's trash that they forgot to take out, but aren't worried about it, because in 108 days it'll disappear.

However, my GBF I mentioned before made a very valid point, and I quote, "You're GETTING MARRIED! I know your family is being lame, and that truly sucks, but in a hundred and eight days your BEST FRIEND will become your family in every sense of the word."

*tear* what would I do without him? haha!

FI JUST NEEDS TO GET HOME AND HUG ME, DARNIT!

Honeybumble · January 2012

I'm so with you on this. In fact, my mom's indifference is the BIGGEST issue i'm having with this wedding. And actually? It hurts my feelings really, really badly. We've been engaged for what, 19 months now, and for the first year, anytime I brought up the wedding, the dress, ANYTHING, I'd get one of two responses: "We'll talk about that when it comes up." or "I just don't like it." It just hurt me when I didn't get *anywhere near* the response I was looking for. It really threw me for a loop, since my mom is a hyper, super-planner type-A personality. Like the OP said, I JUST WANT HER TO CARE!

This "destination" luncheon for 50 is the closest thing we're doing to a banquet-style wedding. It's also only one step from eloping, and YES, we were that close to it! You're definitely not alone! I hope it works out for you so you can have a great wedding.

(Edit: for brevity...)

blgrout · January 2012

Oh Marcellah, I'm so sorry that you're going through this!

Your GBF is right, in 107 days you'll be family with your other half, and that day is all about you. You have every right to feel the way you do, unfortunately it may not change your parents' ambivalence towards your wedding.

At least you have GBF, and your FI, and us to lean on. Your wedding will be wonderful!

*hugs*

I'm going to elope.

Re: I'm going to elope.

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