August 2012 Weddings

More sister drama.... (sorry, long vent)

Let me start by saying planning this wedding has been so smooth and stress free, I should have known all of this way coming.
My sister and her ex (my BIL) went through a nasty divorce some years ago.  I've tried not to take sides or place blame, it is what it is.  Because my BIL has primary custody of the kids, I see him frequently.  I rarely see my sister.
Their kids (twins) are our flower girl / ring bearer.
There has been drama with my sister about her ex (my BIL) being invited to the wedding and rehearsal. 
Anyway, today's new drama is, she claims to not know that she wasn't allowed a guest (why would I cause MORE drama, she doesn't have a boyfriend, and we don't have space/money for random person).  He is not bringing a guest either, and I am not seating them together.
So TODAY, she decides to tell me that she is going to take her kids (my niece and nephew, flower girl and ringer bearer, my godson) on vacation the week of my wedding and none of them will come.  Because she can't bring a date. 
I tell her to grow up, she fires at me for not being a "sister" to her.  So I tell her, fine, briong someone, who are you going to bring?  And she tells me it's none of by business.  I tell her I'm just trying to understand where she is coming from, and I'm concerned that if BIL is possessive and angry like she states, that her bringing someone is NOT the solution to this problem.
My mom says I should let her bring someone and she will tell everyone to behave or they're out.  I told my mom we shouldn't have to tell the GROWN adults how they're supposed to behave.

If it weren't for the kids, at this point, I could care less if she came or not.  But I have been a large part in these kid's lives, both before and after the divorce, and it's not fair for her to use them as leverage.  At this point, they know about the wedding and seem excited.  We picked out their outfits and started explaining what their roles are to them.  They're 6.  Poor kids.

Don't really expect responses to this, just needed to get it on here and try to get it out of my head.

Re: More sister drama.... (sorry, long vent)

  • Yikes.. sorry you have to deal with this so close to your wedding. I agree that you shouldn't have to tell adults how to behave, but age doesn't equal maturity, so maybe it's just easiest to let your sister bring a guest if it's the only way to get your niece and nephew there. And she had the balls to call YOU a shitty sister?
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Going off of what PP said about allowing her to bring a guest to end the drama - I have a couple questions.  Are you close to BIL?  It sounded like you see him more often since he has the kids.  If you and him have a decent relationship where you can be open with him, you may consider cluing him in to what she is saying/doing.  I guess, letting him know she is demanding a guest and you have no idea who it may be might just make him more ready for it and avert a fight or hard feelings about his not having a guest.

    Also, if he has primary custody, how would she be able to take the kids away the week of your wedding?  Wouldn't he have a say?  Sorry, I don't know much about these situations.

    Your sister is being a big baby and putting undue stress on you.  Good job keeping your cool - I would be raging mad and my mom would be on her!!
    image
  • Sorry to hear about this DRAMA!! Unnecessary iin your life right now. I agree with Rungirl12, if your BIL has primary custudy, how does she figure that she would have the children wihen they are in a wedding. What judge does she think will allow that to happen? Your sister is just trying to make this about her and stress you out b/c she thinks she can. If she decides not to come, fine. Just let BIL know that having the children there is important to you and your FI and he will get them there.
    Anniversary
  • Thanks girls.
    I'm not really sure how their custody agreement works, so I'm not sure about the kids going where, but I do think it it's her "vacation" from work, it is one of the time she "gets" the kids.  My mom has clued in BIL and I have advised my sister she may bring a guest but she better make up her mind soon about what she's doing.
    I do wish I had a better relationship with my sister, but that's a two way street!
  • WOW!  I remember some earlier BS drama you had about where the kids were sitting - with mom or dad. It really, really sucks that she would be ok with yanking the kids from your wedding, especially after they are so excited about it.  Allowing her to bring a guest does seam like the simplest solution and sometimes you do have to negotiate with terrorists! I agree with rungirl about talking with BIL. If you think he is controlling/possessive as your sister claims, a "surprise" guest may set him off at your wedding (and worse, in front of the kids!).  If you think he won't care a bit, a heads up would still be appreciated.

    I think you should enlist a "crisis negotiator" to deal with any BS drama between now and the wedding. Maybe your mom or dad?
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Mom has already established herself as the peacekeeper, who will advise my brother if anyone needs to be dismissed lol.
    Spoke with BIL today on unrelated issue who said he will do whatever we ask (bring the kids, not come, sit elsewhere) and will NOT be causing any more stress than my sister already has.
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