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Feelin' like a loser...

kosmickoalakosmickoala
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
I'm about 3 weeks away from getting married, and nobody has offered me a bridal shower. I remember my Dad telling me nobody ever threw my Mom baby showers for any of the 4 children she had. I'm starting to feel like that's going to be me. I don't have many friends close by. I know it's supposed to be a gift from a friend, but I've seen all the girls I know have them. Are they just more popular. It's like high school. I've come to find out now that i'm getting married, that I don't have as many close friends as I thought I did. I'm feeling really depressed. I don't care about the gifts, just that someone cares enough to throw me a party. Is there anyone who didn't have a bridal shower? Is it normal not to have one? I'm a really sensitive person, like my Mom, and i'm easily hurt. Can anyone give me some words of wisdom that will help me cope with feeling like this?
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Re: Feelin' like a loser...

  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Lots of people here didn't have a bridal shower.  Please don't let that spoil your feelings around your wedding.  Shake it off, and enjoy the rest of your time left before your wedding.  Congrats in advance!
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  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Pre-wedding events are not required.  You don't get one just because you are getting married.  It is not a show of your popularity among the people around you.  There could be a lot of reasons why no one has extended the offer.  Money, time, planning and executing a shower can be overwhelming to people.  Don't get hung up on this.  Remember, no one will be as excited for your wedding, and the planning process, as you are.  It can be a tough pill to swallow, but this is not personal.  I had a small shower, maybe 7 people showed.  I did not have a bach. party.  Nobody offered--not even my wedding party.  It was not the end of the world.  You have move past this and keep your eyes on the end result.  Don't hold your friends and family emotionally hostage and don't allow your emotions to bring you down. 
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  • rknox88rknox88
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It is understandable that you are feeling disappointed-I would too.

    But like a PP said-just shrug it off. There are all sorts of reasons people may not have offered-money, time, travel, etc.

    It is disappointing but try to look forward to your wedding day and the thoughtful party you and FI have planned for your family and friends to enjoy :)
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  • loop0406loop0406 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would talk to my mom, I'm close to her so I would mention feeling hurt and upset. She might not know that it matters so much to you and offer to throw it for you
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  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_feelin-like-loser?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:0e9f93be-8324-40db-b627-4800aee5ce8ePost:7696d4d3-ef67-4930-acef-99f15c0f3959">Re: Feelin' like a loser...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would talk to my mom, I'm close to her so I would mention feeling hurt and upset. She might not know that it matters so much to you and offer to throw it for you
    Posted by loop0406[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this..

    I'm sorry you feel this way, but as pp's pointed out a lot of people don't have pre-wedding parties and what matters is that you're getting married!

    Who knows.. maybe your mom or one of your friends are planning a surprise shower for you. Just keep focusing on your upcoming wedding and all the wonderful plans you have in the works for that and enjoy the last days of being engaged with your FI.
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  • kosmickoalakosmickoala
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the comments. I know it's not as important as the actual wedding. I'm sure by the time I get there, all that other stuff will be in the dust! :)
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  • tawanancorkytawanancorky
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    awe that really sucks.  I would take the suggestion and speak with my mom about it or maid of honor.  You don't have to ask them to throw you one but you can just say something like "is it weird not to have a bridal shower before the wedding?" Act like you have completely forgot about it or something and then maybe they will be like "oh yeah!" There has to be someone in your family you are close to that you could talk about it with without actually coming out and asking them.  I would be offended but only because I know how much it costs to have each of those guests at your wedding! But you know guests still bring gifts to the wedding so really showers are just extra.

    Keep your head up!
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  • glam70sglam70s member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_feelin-like-loser?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:0e9f93be-8324-40db-b627-4800aee5ce8ePost:334e107e-76cb-4d2a-8ece-93da497cd098">Re: Feelin' like a loser...</a>:
    [QUOTE] I would be offended but only because I know how much it costs to have each of those guests at your wedding! But you know guests still bring gifts to the wedding so really showers are just extra. Keep your head up!
    Posted by tawanancorky[/QUOTE]

    A gift is not required, and if someone does give you one it's not to pay you back for the money you put into <strong>your</strong> wedding. Maybe you didn't mean it that way, but it comes across like you're expecting gifts at the wedding in exchange for allowing each guest to attend your party.

    OP, I'm sorry that you feel this way. I do think it would be rude to talk to someone about it though. With three weeks to go, that's not really enough time for someone to throw you a shower, so mentioning it to anyone now may just make them feel bad. I think your best bet is to just shrug it off and be thankful that it's one less thing you have to attend to before your wedding!
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  • ekelly83ekelly83 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am not getting a shower either. I was a little bummed at first, but not so much anymore. The majority of our wedding guests are coming from out of town, which means they cannot come for every wedding party that would be planned. My WP is going out of their way to host a huge bach-party, though. I am super excited for that, but I don't see a need for extra gifts at a shower and that is what that seems like to me!
    We will be married to the loves of our lives soon, which is the goal of all of this anyway. Keep your head up, goal accomplished!
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  • asialee2asialee2 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Talk to your momma and I'm sure she would be more then happy to throw one for you. Personally i would be happy to get away without a bridal shower... they are dull and stuffy. I was at one last year and I couldn't wait to get out of there! 
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  • StephieBowStephieBow member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_feelin-like-loser?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:0e9f93be-8324-40db-b627-4800aee5ce8ePost:6dc1b05e-d09a-4a66-a48f-5fb0c832f75b">Re: Feelin' like a loser...</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is understandable that you are feeling disappointed-I would too. But like a PP said-just shrug it off. There are all sorts of reasons people may not have offered-money, time, travel, etc. It is disappointing but try to look forward to your wedding day and the thoughtful party you and FI have planned for your family and friends to enjoy :)
    Posted by rknox88[/QUOTE]

    Couldn't agree with this more!
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  • sabatronsabatron member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm really sorry to hear that.  Parties aren't really a requirement so much as an extra fun thing, but I understand how disappointed you feel.  Don't let it bother you, and don't take it personally.  You have a lot to look forward to! Do you have a registry?  One great thing about them is that a lot of times, after the wedding, you can buy stuff on them for a big discount. It's fun and makes you feel smart. :)
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  • heinz11mswheinz11msw
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am sorry you are feeling this way. I would feel the same way, too.

    I think the PP's words of encouragement is awesome :)

    Try not to let it spoil the fact that you are marrying your love!
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  • mugepugy24mugepugy24 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    My little sister got married 3 years ago and EVERYONE in my family made a huge deal out of it.  Even my grandparents wealthy friends all jumped at the chance to throw her a shower, and build these over the top flower arrangements for her wedding.  But I get married and NOTHING.  Other than my mom trying to help when she has time my family has done nothing to help me with my wedding.  No one has offered to do anything.  It's so funny because for my sister's wedding and for all of my friends and family events, I am always the one organizing and planning everything.  They always look to me to make everything go smoothly, but when it comes to my big event no one is around.  Funny how that works.  Maybe I will throw myself one.  I feel like the Katherine Heigle in 27 dresses, but not as pretty.

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  • lcsnowflakelcsnowflake member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It seems like this is not all about the shower.  I found that planning a wedding forces you to look around and take stock of who matters in your life.  By focusing on feeling like no one loves you or that you don't have alot of close friends, you are missing out on appreciating the people in your life who really care about you.  I'm sure that even though you didn't have a shower, you will still be surrounded by people who love you and care about you at the wedding. 
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