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RSVP - % of "No's"

raangoliraangoli
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in South Asian Weddings
Hello ladies...

I know that there is always a percentage of No's that will come back in RSVPs, but I wondered if in south asian communities that holds true, too?

FI and I are thinking of having a Sunday wedding in November, and I am trying to figure out if all the desi aunties and uncles will actually come. Something tells me yes, but I wanted to see how many people declined from the desi side? Does the same rule of thumb hold true for desis?

Thanks for your help!
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Re: RSVP - % of "No's"

  • kavita85kavita85 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think it really depends on your specific guests and whether they are local or out of town. You won't know exactly how many people will say no until you get the RSVPs back. For example, I was expecting to get declines from some people that are out of town and did get declines from them. I  have also been pleasantly surprised to get acceptances from people I wasn't expecting to come. There are also those who I was expecting to come (mostly local), but can't make it for whatever reason.

    My RSVP deadline is actually today. The one thing I did notice about my (Indian) side compared to his (non-Indian) side is that I still have a ton of no responses from my side, while his side has mostly already RSVPed. I also don't know if your wedding being on a Sunday will make a difference for those who are out of town.

    I have to say, it has been fun to open my mailbox everyday for the past few weeks and see those little response cards waiting for me!
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  • raangoliraangoli
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Thanks, Kavita!

    I feel mean hoping that people will say "No", but we want to keep it small (well, by desi standards anyway.)

    I am sure that we will find the same thing happening - where I will need my parents to call their friends to see if they are coming and his side (non-desi) will have replied as requested. Got to love those cultural differences :)

    How exciting that today is your deadline! You must be a month out or so then?
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  • kavita85kavita85 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Haha, I also wanted some people to say no, esepcially my parents' friends whom I don't know (seriously, my parents have 100+ "close" friends?). I completely symathize with you wanting a smaller wedding. I just remembered, another RSVP issue is people putting down more people than we invited. It has only happened on my side.

    Yes, my wedding is coming up next month. I feel like the time has flown by!
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  • mkjasanimkjasani member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hi Ladies... we are targetting 200 people - but invited 220... Hindu ceremony - I am Indian, FI isn't.  So small for Indian standards I guess but still much bigger than I wanted.  Our wedding is less than 2 mos away and I already am getting no's (since everyone has to travel from out of town to get to wedding we sent a little early).  I actually already have 20 nos - so we are sending out 2nd round (got rsvp cards w 2 different dates - I know, I know).

    On my parents side the family (well those that have rsvp'd) are still coming...the regrets I received (only a couple) are family friends who live in the same town as my parents.  On our friend side though we have several who can't make it - either childcare issues or since it is a Sunday evening (work Monday)

    I will agree with PP that the non-Indian side is better about rsvp-ing - I have almost all of theirs in!  Also on the Indian side as PP said - people will rsvp for 'extra' people who weren't invited and also with their kids - I remember this from my sister's wedding.  I will call people and explain we have capacity constraints etc if that happens (I already called my cousin and told him he couldn't bring his 2 small children since it was adults only - the only exception being my niece and nephew)

    Good luck!
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  • raangoliraangoli
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I was just reading your responses to FI and we agreed that it's not unreasonable for you to call and tell people that they can't just invite whoever they want! I am afraid of that happening, too, but I tried to accomodate for where I thought that might happen.

    We are targeting for 150, so hopefully we can make that or even under (won't that be nice!)

    Kavita - I totally laughed at your comment about your parents having 100+ "close" friends...my parents are inviting more friends than we both are together!
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  • vaishali10vaishali10 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am very jealous of all your guest counts.  I wanted a small intimate wedding but it's turning to "my big fat Indian" wedding of 800!!  And this is with my parents cutting out a good 200 of their "close friends"  FI and my close family itself totals over 300 people.

    I was told that even for Indian weddings expect a 10% negative response.  But again Indians don't like to RSVP and always show up with uninvited guests.  I am planning on doing assigned seating. YIKES! 
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  • SonaliPopSonaliPop member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Why don't Indian rsvp? I don't want to accomodate uninvited guests or people who don't even bother to call me or email me that they can't make it. How much more easier can technology make rsvp-ing for them?!
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  • raangoliraangoli
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Holy moly Vaishali! 800 guests? I think I just had a mild heart attack for you. That is the size of a small village. Sorry, I know I am not making it easier to digest for you I am sure. But I give you kudos for planning a wedding that large!

    I have NO idea why Indian people don't RSVP. It's similiar to how they don't seem to understand how to wait in a line...I don't get that either. But I digress...
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  • HinajHinaj member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Indian RSVPing for some reason never happens!!! I don't understand it either, but for anyone doing assigned seating, it is a logistical nightmare!!! 
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  • Jeff and DeepthiJeff and Deepthi
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have to say I envy those numbers too.. We are having 400 and that's small! My sister had 650 something and my cousin 1,000... So mine is tiny!! But with my sister there were many people we had to track down and call. Some said they would come the week before and still didn't show up that day.. She said it was at least 8% or something crazy like that. It's annoying cause you have to pay for them and they dont' seem to understand that!!! Some people said all 5 people in thier family would come and only 2 would. My sister was frustrated. i would take that into account when you are planning this.
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  • sciXhisciXhi member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, the reason many Indians don't bother RSVP-ing is because it traditionally isn't done in India. Since 99% of weddings are huge, venues are usually very big and food is usually prepared with a wide margin in mind (plus or minus 50-100 people), so people don't really fret over trying to get an exact number of guests. Of course, this is not the case here and someone should explain the importance of RSVP's to relatives from India.
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