sad/bs family news

caterpillar85 · February 2012

So back during Christmas, my aunt and her husband came over for my parent's party. He was hammered. Actually he is always drunk so it wasn't surprising, but a little annoying. He was cussing like crazy in front of the kids, and spilled his beer all over the carpet. He just said "oops" and started laughing... my mom had to clean it up. My dad said "are you an idiot? Don't get so drunk and spill shiiit in my home." So he got a little mad and they left. NBD, right? WRONG!

Yesterday (month and a half after the fact) my aunt comes into my mom's shop and got a little snippy at my mom and said that she didn't care for what dad said to her husband, and it was rude. My mom was all "sorry, but he was being a jerk." And my aunt went into rage mode and flipped out on my mom and said that they won't be coming over to our house anymore and don't even bother trying to call her because she won't answer...
Ready for the cherry?
She said that she won't come to my wedding because of this, that they don't want to be in the same room as them. WTF?!!! What did I do? And how is that even remotely an excuse for not coming?

Her husband is a total loser, he is clearly some kind of alcoholic (he even takes drinks to work with him) and he is super controlling. She can't even go out to lunch with my mom without him calling every five minutes. He helped her push away her other sister, her mother, and now my mom. Congratulations, she now has no family other than his side, his job is complete!

When my mom told me about what she said I just started bawling... how could she be so... ridiculous? I don't know if I should be pissed off or sad. I want to throw a fit on her Facebook wall but I don't want to accelerate it. But I don't want to sit there and let her act like that and get away with it. UGH!

DirtyWater · February 2012

I would call her and speak with her yourself. Not in a confrontational way, just state that she is your aunt and you would be extreamly hurt if she took out a disagreement with you parents on you. Keep her husband out of the convo.

ekk120 · February 2012

Oh no! What a stinky situation

I am sorry this happened!! I know what you mean by not wanting your aunt to just get away with it, but I think its really important that you take the high road. I would wait a few days to calm down a little, in my opinion. She's going to look pretty bad when she doesnt show up to the wedding over something like that. And not to make light of the situation... But this way you won't have to worry about him getting drunk and being a jerk at the wedding now!!

SCogs18 · February 2012

1. I will say, alcoholics are not bad people. My mom has been sober since September 17, 2011 an it is amazing. She used to do/say awful terrible things when she was intoxicated and was a totally different person when she was sober. Your uncle sounds like he needs help.

2. Worst case senario, they don't come to your wedding. While it would be very hurtful, do you want your uncle to be a hot mess at your reception?

If you want to try and smooth things over, I would call her or sit down and have lunch with your aunt. Don't make a fit over facebook, that will just make it worse.

mamameech · February 2012

It is really unfortunate that they have brought you into their fight and I'm sorry that they are hurting you like that? I agree that you should have a little chat with you aunt just to express your wishes to have her present at your wedding; I wouldn't bring up her husband or anything like that. She may not be even realize that this is hurting you; sometimes we don't think clearly when we're upset about something, not that it's an excuse.

I hope they can put their differences aside for your big day - big hugs!

jessa1228 · February 2012

That's really unfortunate that you're being used as a pawn, but it might be better in the long run - less of a chance for drama at your wedding. Also, I would be really concerned about his alcoholism and the effects its had on your aunt's relationships with her family. Has anyone talked to her about this before?

caterpillar85 · February 2012

We (the rest of the family) has commented to her about his drinking but she won't listen. They were in a rough patch a couple years ago (his son is a menace and ripped up her clothes, stole her grandmother's silver to sell for drugs, and wrote c*nt on her car) and she basically said either I live here with you, or he does, not both... it took him a long time to figure it out. The son now lives with his sister. But during that time she thought they were going to get divorced, and she wanted to because of the hurtful things he would say to her "well maybe you deserved it." At that time she acknowledged his problem. Then he decided that he would make son move out, and she started to deny it again.

She used to be a drug addict in the 80s and early 90s so I can see how hard it is for her to deal with interventions and telling someone they have a problem. She hated hearing it and I don't think she wants to hurt him.

I know I need to talk to her but I don't really know how to start... I'll give it a couple days. And I hope that it will all blow over and be resolved soon so this won't really be an issue, but my family holds grudges so I might be holding on to nothing.

Thanks ladies.

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