Help with a bad ex-fiance?

K8NKC · September 2011

Hi Ladies,

I'm not sure where to post this, but I am looking for some help/advice. My ex-fiance, who I had been with for 4.5 years and lived with for 1 year (been engaged for 1 year) went to dig up things in Italy for 6 weeks this summer. During that time he decided he no longer wanted to be with me and when he got back to where we live, sent me an email stating as much while I still at home with my parents, planning our wedding. He then proceeded to move all of his stuff out of our apartment (we had just signed a year lease in May) before I got back.

He said at first that he would pay for all the wedding expenses we'd incurred so far, which wasn't too much, we had hired a wedding planner and put down the deposit ($500) and I had just gotten my wedding dress (~1400). He now believes he should only have to pay for half (because I did something half way wrong? um no. because he half way gave me an indication that this was going to happen? uh nope. why, I don't know). What my parents are planning to tell him is that he should pay for everything and that once he pays off the dress, it will be his and he can resell it on ebay or craigslist or whatever. My parents are in the middle of moving, so they can't be in charge with selling or keeping track of the dress. So in the end, I would assume he'll get back 800-1200 dollars for the dress. Does this seem fair? I have it in writing in an email that he would cover the wedding stuff.

He also doesn't think he should have to pay (his half) to have our place cleaned when I move out at the end of the month, since he won't have lived here for about a month and a half. He's also not helping with getting the place re-rented, which is a pretty big deal, since if it doesn't happen I'll have to pay his half of the rent, my half and my rent at the new place.

Sorry for bringing such a depressing topic to this usually happy boards, but I don't know what to do and I'm hoping someone has experience or legal knowledge or something here. Thanks!

kelsey+brandon · September 2011

I think that you definitely need to save that email as evidence. Also, is his name not on the lease as well? If it is, he is responsible for half of the rent. If he continues to give you a difficult time, I would let him know that you're going to contact a lawyer and if he still doesn't give in, I would actually contact a lawyer. Good luck! Sorry you're having to go through this!!

Astrid821 · September 2011

The best thing might be to find out what you need to do to take him to small claims court. If you have in writing that he was willing to pay for things and his name is also on the lease then he has an obligation to pay up. Write it all out and tell him you'll take him to court unless it's all taken care of.

Actually, don't tell him, (he sounds like a dog) just take him to court. Don't forget to add up half of all utility bills until your apartment is re-rented (because that's an expense that goes with the apartment) it's not your fault that he chose not to live there.

Right now I doubt you can convince him to do...anything, which is the way with ex's. If you put the matter in a judges hands either the judge will tell him he needs to pay for what he agreed to pay or you both need to split the wedding costs. Either way, you will not get stuck with more than half the costs and he will be compelled by a judge to pay his share. Heck, you may just convince him to give you the money before you even get to court; the threat of legal action does that to people.

You don't need a lawyer in small claims court and you can take someone to court for up to $5000.

And don't worry, this may be a board for women planning weddings but some of us have been burned so we know that it can be tough.

Beth0882 · September 2011

As far as small claims court, I would suggest doing some legal research on the wedding costs before filing anything. Oral promises don't often mean much legally (although they can), and it would suck to spend more money filing a court case (I think they just raised the filing fee to over $100 for small claims) just to lose, and still have to be stuck with the wedding expenses. Yes it all sucks and he should have to pay, but he may not be legally responsible for what your family has spent and a judge may not be able to do anything about it. So just be sure before you go that route and spend more money. See if you can find any NC cases on the subject that deal with wedding costs.

Help with a bad ex-fiance?

Re: Help with a bad ex-fiance?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards