Is it rude to ask..

xtina1224 · June 2010

My future SIL to wear flats in my wedding? She's only 14 and she already towers over me. If she wears heels she might be as tall as my husband, who's 6". In pictures I dont want her to look ridiculously tall next to me and my average size bridesmaids. Should I ask?

AmandalovesAl · June 2010

Is she in the wedding party? If she is, you can ask her, but if she is not, I don't think it is your call. If anything maybe MIL could say something to her...but I wouldn't open that bag of worms.

xtina1224 · June 2010

Yes, she is in the party. She's supposed to be a junior bridesmaid but because she didn't like any of the junior bridesmaid dresses, she ended up getting the same dress as my bridesmaids (smh). She's one of those teenagers who really push your buttons.

Ana_2985 · June 2010

Yes, it is rude. It will probably hurt her feelings if you tell her you don't want her to look "ridiculously tall."

opalsky007 · June 2010

I'd let it go--it's not worth the fight, and all eyes will be on you anyway. In your formal shots, you could always have the BMs clustered in a group around you, with her in the back. I think it would be cute.

meenamoo · June 2010

I had the same issue (but with a BM) and everyone here said, "It's so rude, how could you do that" etc but then I went ahead and asked her. Her response: "Of course I don't mind!" One caveat is that we are BFFs, so I was pretty sure the request would not shatter 16 years of friendship.
In conclusion, I say go for it.

mstar284 · June 2010

Why does it matter if she has the same dress as the bridesmaids? At 14, she probably doesn't want to feel like the little kid of the group. That is the age where she's trying to be more grown up and just wants to fit in with the other BM.

bethsmiles · June 2010

I think you are overthinking...you are the bride it doesn't matter is someone is taller than you, you are still going to be the center of attention that day. You pictures will look fine, its really not a big deal.

gottahavashorti · June 2010

Yes, it would be rude. I would be unhappy if someone asked me to wear 4" heels for the sake of pictures because I'm small.

frenchy730 · June 2010

You should not dictate what style shoes she wears. Let her wear what she feels comfortable in. If she towers over you, it's not a big deal. Some people are taller than other people. I think you are overthinking this.

SheDiva4 · June 2010

If you wanted to ask her to wear flats because you think heels would make her look much older than 14 and you are concerned about (single guys young girl thing) that I could understand but because she would be taller than you is a brizezilla move.

Does she even wear heels at 14? It could be a non issue.

rknox88 · June 2010

I think if you straight up ask her, her being a teenager, she will probably do whatever it is to defy you. If you are picking out the shoes for your wedding party I say give each girl a flat option and a heel option that coordinate with one another. If you don't single her out she might be more likely to choose the flats simply for comfort's sake. And if you are really worried about her towering over you have all your maids wear flats and you wear pumps. She might be taller than your maids but not much taller than you that way.

brilibby4 · June 2010

It would be very rude. A tall 14 year old girl is probably self conscious enough about her height. No one will say or think "oh my word that bride and groom had AWFUL pictures. Did you see that tall girl? Ugh how dare they allow her to be in the wedding!". Honestly, get over it.

KilleenBride · June 2010

Since she is part of the wedding party then I think you should get to chose , but I would ask FI, Her brother or MIL to maybe say something like "Here is the great shoes that (insert your name) found for you to wear for the wedding" and then they give her a pair of shoes that you bought for her.

elizabethm4 · June 2010

I'm pretty tall, and when I was 14 I was definitely self conscious about it. Don't confirm what is probably an insecurity by asking, just give them all the option of flats or heels

JeFlanigan · June 2010

Well, clearly the ladies have spoken... I'm not actuay offering an opinion, just sticking in that I'm 5'5" and my Fi's sister is 6'0"... it happens.

kevinslove · June 2010

I married into a family where the shortest woman in the family is 5'10" tall. I am 5'2 on a good day. My sister-in-laws wore heels so they were as tall as my husband (6'0") and the pictures turned out great. I stood on the top step and they fanned out around me. We also did a couple of sitting down shots. Height isn't that big of a deal.

*tinkertoy* · June 2010

Seriously?

aerinpegadrak · June 2010

Wow. You're getting off to a great start with someone who's going to be family for the rest of your lives.

emarston1 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_rude-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:fd645281-7a9e-4fb8-bda0-46616b6a39b7Post:cd09c86a-d207-4d5a-92bc-0fd2acd3561c">Re: Is it rude to ask..</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you have any idea what it is like to be 14 years old and 6 feet tall? Shame on you!
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
This. My FSIL told me to take off my 4" wedges for a picture at her bridal shower last year and it did not go over well. Granted, we don't get along very well in the first place but I certainly did not appreciate being told how to dress (or not to dress in this case.)

No one is going to notice her height. You are over thinking this.

miah_23_ncb · June 2010

I do not think its worht it you could hurt her feelings. but if its that big of a deal to you then find a nicer wa to present it to her

mbcdefg · June 2010

Her height is only going to be a big deal if YOU turn it into a big deal.

No, there's no polite way to ask her to do this. Loosen up and relax instead of worrying about something as stupid as someone else's height threatening your photos.

trisha_nybn · June 2010

Don't over think it. No one is going to notice it and point it out. My sister (one of my BMs) is a way taller than I am and my other 3 BMs are. And they are all wearing the same height shoes. She's taller than my FI too haha.

arv266 · June 2010

Yes, it is incredibly rude to ask anyone to do (or not do) something that is for your sole benefit. It makes you appear overly controlling and overly concerned with how you will look, and this is not how you want your future relationship with your in-laws to be.

A good rule of thumb.... if you have to ask the question "is this rude", odds are that it is.

knj92107 · June 2010

I don't even understand what the concern is... so what if she's taller than you?

sjersey86 · June 2010

I don't see why it would be a problem. I'm only 5' so EVERYONE (not just the bridal party) at the wedding will be taller than me w/the exception of the flower girl & ring bearer and possibly the one JR BM I have who is 8 but will most likely be my height by the time the wedding comes around.

c-dub · June 2010

"It would be very rude. A tall 14 year old girl is probably self conscious enough about her height. No one will say or think "oh my word that bride and groom had AWFUL pictures. Did you see that tall girl? Ugh how dare they allow her to be in the wedding!". Honestly, get over it."

--This. I was that tall at 14, and I was incredibly self-conscious about it. If someone had told me my height was causing a "problem," I would have been crushed. And, as others have said, this is not a problem. Incredibly rude.

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