Bridal Party Drama

Re: Bridal Party Drama

• AutumnFair member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridal-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:33468032-a154-4db3-9dc3-a8b93af30350Post:690f62c0-dffe-4849-9071-51eb344e9064">Bridal Party Drama</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'm sorry this is long! I tend to type a lot. Since my fiance and I got engaged, I've been having a lot of issues with my bridal party selection. Some of the problem stems from the fact that my fiance was pretty clear about wanting a smaller bridal/grooms party. He had picked out a best man and four groomsmen effectively the day we got engaged! (Kind of cute :). Limiting my bridal party to five people was difficult because I have a lot of very close friends from highschool, as well as friends from college. In addition, myself, and my family, really wanted to include my cousin. I ended up selecting my best friend from highschool as my MOH (I'm an only child), and three of my closest college friends, as well as my cousin as bridesmaids. During college, my three friends and I were very close all four years of school and did everything together; we continued to be close after graduation, but lately in the past year some of us have drifted apart. Myself and one of them had an unspoken falling out for a while that really hurt me; we've since made up but things haven't been the same. I ended up asking all three of them to be in the party, as I felt like there was no way I could break up the group (I didn't want to hurt her feelings). I had suggested having one of them be a 'representative' for the group to one of them, but she informed me that the others would be extremely angry and hurt if i left themout. Long story short, I filled up my bridal party pretty quickly: Yet later realized that by doing this with my college friends, I ended up leaving one of my long-time highschool friends out. She's super dear to me, and although she has been supportive and hasn't said anything about not being in the wedding, I still feel terrible that she's not in it, especially when some of the other girls and I aren't as close anymore. It's a few months later, and not having my HS friend in the wedding was really bothering me; So I mentioned it to fiance to see if he would bite on adding another member to our party, and he wasn't very receptive. Things are difficult for us right now as we just moved, he just started a new job, we are a little strapped for money, and I know he is worried that adding another person means adding another expense. He said that he thinks it will look weird to have an uneven amount of people in each party, and that having five people is already too big..plus there is the additonal cost of another dress, and possibly another groosmen..at the end of all of that he told me if it really means a lot ot me to do it, but I feel like I can't because I would feel guilty knowing it's not what he wants. In the end I'm kind of a mess. I don't want to pressure him or stress him out, but I am feeling a little sad about leaving out my friend, and I"m not really sure if it's even that big of a deal. We still have over a year before our wedding, and fiance has said to mention it again after we're more settled; but I know how he feels about the goup size, and having to possibly add someone to his party isn't going to change. Not really sure if I should let this one go, or pursue it further. :-/ I know we both have to compromise on what we want, and I don't know which things to push and which to let go. I think my friend will be fine not being in the bridal party, but I will still be sad that she isn't. -May
  Posted by littlemuffin[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>If you still have a year to go before your wedding you need to WAIT before deciding if you want this friend in your WP. Like you already said, you picked way too early and now you aren't close to college friends. What happens if you add this girl and you get the same "not as close" feeling in another 6 months. </div><div>
  </div><div>My advice, wait for another 4-6 months before officially deciding if you want this girl or any other close HS friends in your WP. As for your FI not liking even sides, tough for him, YOU get to pick who YOU want as BMs and HE can pick HIS GMs. Once again symmetry should NEVER trump people who you are really close to and want to honor making them a member of the WP. If he wants to add random guys to make even sides that is his thing but HE should NOT be forcing or guilt tripping you into leaving out people who you really want in as a BM.</div>

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• Keb1216

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Uneven sides are fine. No one will care if you don't have even sides.

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• 4LeafClover3

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  First, you should never pick your bridal party more than 6-9 months before your actual wedding. Relationships can change a lot in over a year and who you were close to then might not be who you are close to right before the wedding. Also, you don't invite someone to be in your wedding party because you don't want to hurt their feelings. You should only invite those people that you are super close to. But... since you already invited people to be in the wedding you can't take it back now.
  
  Now to address the friend. Again, you should have whoever you want in your wedding party. If he only wants a certain number of guys on HIS side then that is his prerogative. Uneven sides are perfectly acceptable and no one notices if they are uneven. Look at it this way... is having even sides more important than your dear friend who you are agonizing over being in your wedding? Invited her to be in the wedding. Oh and I don't know why another dress has anything to do with your expense. It is customary for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. And if you invite your friend to be in the wedding (and I hope you do) don't have FI add another guy to have even sides. It is so rude to be like "hey dude, my sides are uneven. We need an extra body. Would you be in my wedding party so I can have balance?" Obviously you won't say it that way but still... picking a guy that didn't make the initial thought of being a groomsmen is a bad friend move.
  
  Bottom line, invite your friend, tell fiance to chill and uneven sides are fine, and don't let him pick another guy for the sake of even sides.

  

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• littlemuffin member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  The advice is appreciated. I didn't realize it then, but making that desicion so early was not a good plan. I think since he had picked so quickly (and literally asked them all that same day), I felt really pressured to hurry up and do it too, even a month later. :-/
  
  I don't think he will need to add someone to his side, especially not to make things even; but I am worried that if I ask her a few months before (even if I were to ask her now), she will feel like a last minute addition. She already knows I've selected my bridal party, and it didn't include her. 

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Truthfully, I think you should stick with who you have.  Since she already knows that you have picked your BP there will be no way for you to make her not feel like a last minute addition.  Try and work on the friendships that you have with your current BP.  And remember that being a guest is an honor as well.

  
  

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• AutumnFair member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Usually I don't support adding someone but in this case I think you had the "symmetry" mindset and realized it doesn't matter so it is cool. I would be honest with her, "friend, I thought I needed even sides but for the pass X months I realized that it doesn't matter and I really would love you to be a BM."

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• LittleMissCutiePie

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  It's a very old-fashioned to have even sides. I myself am having even sides, but it's truly because my fiance and I can't think of anyone else we'd want on our sides. You definitely can tell your fiance you're adding a bridesmaid, but he doesn't have to add a groomsman.

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