Help! Confused on Save-the-Dates or Formal Invitation

MYUKWG · June 2011

I wanted to know how the fellow Hawaiian Destination Brides to be are doing with this topic. I'm just a bit confused as how to handle the STD and Invite situation and hoping that some of you can shed some light on the topic.

I was wondering how many of you sent out STD's for your destination wedding, or did you guys just spread the date and idea by word of mouth, and other informal ways and didn't bother sending out STD's. If you didn't bother sending out STD's, then I'm assuming you just sent the formal invitations? What about the other way, if you sent out STD's with information, do you really need to send out wedding invites as well?

Here is my dilemma, I am thinking that most of my guests will know about our destination wedding way in advance, and they should know months in advance so that they can plan and save for the destination. Since they already know about the wedding, I find that sending a wedding invite will be just a waste as invites are only to be sent 3 months before the wedding day, right? By that time, we would already know who will be coming and who can't make it. By that time as well, our guests would've already had to book their flights/accommdations and are well aware they are going. So.... what about just sending only either STD (w/ all the info, and accept it also as their wedding invite) or send wedding invitations wayyy in advance (8-10 months) prior to the date?

I'm so confused what the proper ettiquette is on this topic. Hope you guys can help and share with me what you've decided to do

THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!

WinstonsGirl · June 2011

I don't think I can help with "proper etiquette", but we spoke with close family and friends and told them in person first. We've then sent out an electronic STD that links everyone to our website and a RSVP page to our "A" list. Lots haven't used it, but oh well. We're going to send out real invites to everyone on the list (A and

about 3 months before. We figure this way, not so close family (B list) won't feel left out of not getting invited, but the chances of them being able to make the trip are slim. But if they can make it, then cool too. It's helping us trim the guest a little, and not upset family who I haven't spoken with in 3-5 years. Hope that helps, but do whatever works for you. It's your wedding.

ktabin · June 2011

We sent out STDs and are planning on sending out formal invites about 5 months in advance. From what I've read you don't need to stick to the same timelines for sending out invitations for destination weddings because your guests usually need more notice. So we sent out the STDs about 10 months prior and included a link to our website where we update info as needed. We've been really lucky and the uptake has been great on the website. I've had some friends just send out group emails with all the important info instead of formal invites for destination weddings too so it really is just about what works for you.

kaesha · June 2011

We did STDs with wedding website info (where to stay, what to do, how to get there, etc) 11 months out and then formal invites 4 months out.

kimmykupcakes · June 2011

We've already shared by word of mouth with those that are invited to the destination wedding. We are then sending out save the dates exactly 1 year to the date of when our wedding will be. A few months later we will send out the actual invitations. Even though you tell ppl they are invited, they still like a formal save the date and invitation to make it real.

breaness · June 2011

Our wedding is just us and our parents and everyone booked their trips within a week of each other so no invites or save the dates were sent. But we are having an at home reception and we sent out STDs for that so that people knew they were going to be celebrating with us when we return and it was also a good way to get the plan out.

iallrd8itWed196457 · June 2011

We sent out email STDs about a year and a half in advance (as soon as we booked our venue) so people would have time to plan aned save. Our STDs had links to our wedding website where we had tons of info on the islands, travel, acommodations, our wedding site, excursions etc. We sent out our actual invitations about 6 months before the wedding with a link to RSVP on our website. As for people who didn't RSVP we kept sending group emails for wedding related things and would just say at the beginning "you are receiving this email because you have either not RSVP'd yet or have RSVP'd yes" and it got all the stragglers to RSVP. Hope that helps

fabutan · June 2011

We also sent out e-mail STDs about a year in advance of our wedding. In our case, we found most guests preferred (i.e. were more responsive) if they actually received it in paper (it was easy for guests to overlook their e-mails and this way, they would have something material to refer to, post on their fridge, etc.....less likely to forget!). So we mailed a paper STD about 9 months in advance with basic info, such as website and wedding date and location.

Even with the STD, we were surprised how last minute some folks were when it came to the RSVP'ing. Some folks even said they were waiting for the formal invitation before booking travel arrangements. Some guests were on top of things, but some weren't.

We sent out formal invitations about 3 months in advance (we were a bit late - I'd definitely recommend an earlier mailing for destination weddings, if you can). The benefit of a formal invite is the ability to include lots of finalized info - ceremony time, other activities (rehearsal dinner, farewell brunch, etc.), wedding map, rsvp card, etc. HTH!!

AKWinterBride · June 2011

I sent out our STD's a year out from the wedding, the formal invitations were due back April 1st for our July wedding. It was nice to have solid numbers ahead of time so we could add/remove other items in the wedding based on budget.

FSForever · June 2011

We just sent our STD's on the year mark. I called my oldest brother and he asked if that was the invite and teased me for being way to early. He's not married and doesn't get the STD idea. Anyway all of my brothers will book the trip a few weeks to a month before the wedding. It doesn't matter that they will pay more or that I need a count that is just how they are, but I know that and I know they will come. We will send the formal invite 3 to 4 months before the wedding. STD's can be a fun way to get the information out. We did flip flop luggage tags in small vhs boxes with shells and paper to look like sand. Everyone loved them and it now helps to set the mood for how we want the wedding week to be.

Tanq&Tonic · June 2011

We did STDs at the 7 month mark and formal invites at the 2 month mark. However, our total engagement was only 10 months. Agree with fabutan -- some guests will wait until either formal invitations are received, or just until they are ready to book. It kind of depends on your guests and their travel style.

My one piece of advice is to be sure to send a formal invite in addition to the STD -- and send one to everyone who received an STD even if you know they can no longer make it (just handwrite a short note like, "in case the situation changes and you can join us!"). A lot changes in a year, and some folks who were available when the STDs were sent were no longer due to life changes by the time invitations went out (and vice versa).

MYUKWG · June 2011

Thanks everyone!! Your personal choice and advice has been really helpful for me.
We've decided to send out electronic STD's and then our formal invites probably 3-4 months before the wedding. It's nice to hear what others are doing, sets you a guideline on a tricky, unsure situation

Help! Confused on Save-the-Dates or Formal Invitation

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