RSVP Heartache

ElyseE25 · July 2012

So I know we talk about this topic to death on this board but does anyone else get like personally hurt when people just don't send in their RSVP's? Like I take it as a personal insult, I mean how hard is it to put the stupid thing in the mail, it already has a postage stamp on it. Seriously I know they aren't doing it to hurt me but I really makes me want to cry and honestly makes me not want them to come anymore. Which I know is an over-reaction but I'm just being honest and saying how I feel. Am I alone?

MelissaH21 · July 2012

No, I totally understand how you feel. We've only gotten 1 RSVP in the last week or so. We've gotten gifts from people who can't make it which we really appreciate it but getting RSVP's back from people would be a gift in itself.

Hang in there. You are definitely not alone! I can't speak for other days when I was a little down about it but today I am doing everything I can to concentrate on the good stuff like seeing my handsome FI that day and leaving for the honeymoon soon after. Just trying to keep the positive stuff on my mind!

brij2006 · July 2012

I'm in agreement here. We have a lot of family that lives out of town, and out of state. Some know for a fact they are unable to make it, and others have already e-mailed us that they have their flight and hotel booked. But those same people, have not sent us their RSVP back.

If you look at my siggy, you can see that we have over 400 people invited, and our acceptance rate has been at about 52% so far. It hurts a little when you see a "no" come back from people that you talk to constantly, and you figured would come. But then we've also been happy when the "no's" have been coming from FI's step-moms side that she insisted on inviting 50 of, that we have never met. In the end, the people who matter and care about you will be at your wedding, happy to watch you and your FI get married. And those are the ones who sent their RSVP's in with definite Yes'.

KT020803 · July 2012

I am trying not to take it personal, I just know that people have a hard time commiting to things and people are so into technology things just get pushed aside. At this point I am almost hoping we get mostly no's (our of the 87 RSVP's I am still missing) just to keep our person count down and we'll be able to spend more time with the people that matter the most.

I would think you are just anxious to get everything squared away and this is one more thing to stress us brides out! Try to keep the big picture in mind and I'm sure it will all work out.

ChristineNB · July 2012

I don't take it personal at all. In fact, I have told friends/family that as long as I know if they are coming or not, and they actually tell me (I am not guessing), they I could care less if they mail it back.

i2012do · July 2012

i'm also trying not to take it personal, but I haven't even received my Matron of honors rsvp. I know she is busy and traveling for work- but I figured hers would be one of the first.Also, My MOH hwho is kind of all over hte plce LOST hers. She thought she mailed it, and couldnt remember. And when i was like "well i hope you find it" she was liek "well i know we are both having the fish" and i was like... o ok so now I am supposed to keep track of your dinners...

and i am kind of like "you lost your best friends RSVP!! seriously?"
i mean thats kind of irresponsible and annoying. and I KNOW that her and her boyfriend are coming and that they are HAVING FISH. so maybe i am overreacting. But we sent out a lot of invites and its like she's not my only guest. And I'd think she'd know that and be a bit more helpful.

We also have yet to get back my FILS, SIL or BIL's response. I sent them three invites and said they just had to send one back and they havent sent back any. I think my fiance gets upset when he sees rsvps coming in and not one from his own parents!!

I am kind of getting hurt that some peoeple i talk to ALL the time haven't sent it bck yet,but I kjeep reminding myself that my RSVP date isnt until 7/20 so I have to relax and maybe people have it and are just waiting until its convenient for them to drop it in a mailbox or something?!

also my grandmother passed away last week so i thought maybe people held off a few days on sending them. Maybe thats nuts But I think people were busy at the wake and funeral and maybe didn't want to overwhelm the mailbox with RSVPS?
I have obvisously given a LOT of thought to this!

EDIT: as a side note, the other day my mom found one in the middle of the ROAD!! the maillady must have dropped i when she was putting in the mail. (My parents have mailboxes every 3-4 houses on their street so theirs is one house down across the street)

[Deleted User] · July 2012

I know how you feel. We are waiting on 6 rsvps from our bridal party. They are obviously coming why can't they send in the RSVP. Then we mentioned how FI cousin hasn't RSVP'd and FMIL said well she is not coming..... Well then why can't she mark 0 and send it back! Is it that hard.?? People are rude!

iriscarmendiaz · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_rsvp-heartache?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:4d4d849c-7de1-499f-ab8c-b392f87762fbPost:37e3b1ff-0fa2-4927-8356-f67b5610dc72">RSVP Heartache</a>:
[QUOTE]So I know we talk about this topic to death on this board but does anyone else get like personally hurt when people just don't send in their RSVP's? Like I take it as a personal insult, I mean how hard is it to put the stupid thing in the mail, it already has a postage stamp on it. Seriously I know they aren't doing it to hurt me but I really makes me want to cry and honestly makes me not want them to come anymore. Which I know is an over-reaction but I'm just being honest and saying how I feel. Am I alone?
Posted by ElyseE25[/QUOTE]

I understand how you feel. I don't feel personally offended for a lot of people not coming (I get it, things come up). I got more offended by people not being considerate enough to answer the RSVP. I just want to know yes or no! I think I most offended by my fiance's family, since he has exactly one person coming to the wedding from his side.

rascal17 · July 2012

I am not taking it personally but its driving me nuts how many guests havent rsvpd. My deadline is the 15th so they still have time. I didnt even do card I just listed my phone number (which is a cell so they can call or text) and our website so they can do it online. I used the knots website (before realizing how much of a glitch fest it was) so I added info to let the guests know if its now working or they dont want to give up their email addys to just let me or my mom know in any form possible if they are coming or not. but out of 84 guests only 28 have responded. so thats a lot of people to contact after the deadline

i2012do · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_rsvp-heartache?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:4d4d849c-7de1-499f-ab8c-b392f87762fbPost:0941b14c-dcf6-42b9-91b7-5317eee2c2cb">Re: RSVP Heartache</a>:
[QUOTE]I know how you feel. We are waiting on 6 rsvps from our bridal party. They are obviously coming why can't they send in the RSVP. Then we mentioned how FI cousin hasn't RSVP'd and FMIL said well she is not coming..... Well then why can't she mark 0 and send it back! Is it that hard.?? People are rude!
Posted by halie520[/QUOTE]

i posted on my fianc'es local board (vs my own) and wrote "why havent people fro this area rsvp (since i know that traditions are vastly different in utah) and I basically got this answer "WHY woulod someone send back a card sayting they ARENT attending. you RSVP yes "and i was like OHHHH so that's why none of those people are answering...uh

cshuler · July 2012

Okay, I could see the unusal logic in why one would not send back a RSVP if you are not attending. But what about the ones who are attending. They really need to get wiith the program. (small vent)

[Deleted User] · July 2012

Well I will be calling the ones who don't answer even if we "know" from someone else they were not planning on coming to make it a point. People are just ridiculous.

iriscarmendiaz · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_rsvp-heartache?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:4d4d849c-7de1-499f-ab8c-b392f87762fbPost:efad81eb-30d3-4d82-b20b-595e834cd45b">Re: RSVP Heartache</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP Heartache : i posted on my fianc'es local board (vs my own) and wrote "why havent people fro this area rsvp (since i know that traditions are vastly different in utah) and I basically got this answer<strong> "WHY woulod someone send back a card sayting they ARENT attending. you RSVP yes</strong> "and i was like OHHHH so that's why none of those people are answering...uh
Posted by i2012do[/QUOTE]

I disagree. Pardon my horrible french, but I believe that RSVP means "respondez si vous plait" which means PLEASE RESPOND. Whether that is a yes or a no, a response is still required.

People are full of ish. Seriously.

lb1212 · July 2012

I know that "RSVP" can be a tricky phrase, so we went with "Please grant us the favor of your reply by" and in BIG letters (and a different color) "July 18th". So far, we've heard from 23%. Half of my family hasn't replied. My mom seriously thinks this is ok - "we know that they are coming." Also on that list - ALL of the wedding party....and there's a 99% chance that one of my BMs (her daughter is also a Jr. BM and her son is our ring bearer) will be a no-show. RSVPs are definitely making me feel bi-polar!

libby2483 · July 2012

Eh, I'm not really taking it personally. Based on everything I've read on these boards, people suck at sending back RSVPs. Our RSVP deadline is in a week, and we have heard from just over half of our guests. I am prepared to make a few phone calls once the RSVP date has passed. I am a little frustrated, though, because our friends and family friends have been really good about RSVPing, but we still haven't heard from several close family members.

20pearls16 · July 2012

I don't take it personally. It's their loss. I sent out a mass text this morning to everyone on my side who has not RSVP'd letting them know Friday is the deadline and if they don't send back that card that i spent .45 cents on, their seats will be given away. I even texted the Pastor who I know is coming. LOL

RichNicci4211122 · July 2012

My RSVP date was the 6th of July. I gave them a few extra days incase the USPS was a little slow. Then I started calling. There were certain people from FI's side of the family that weren't coming due to religious reasons, but I still called to double check... Stranger things have happened. But most of the people that I called are coming and just forgot to send the card back. It has been irratating to say the least that I have had to track down 120 people. Including MOG, both FSIL, aunts, uncles and cousins who all have said they were coming and now I can't get a hold of many of them. Just call me back and leave me a message with a yea or nay and a number attending if they are coming. What is so hard about all this with people? Sorry for the vent but it's annoying to say the least.

DeClue82 · July 2012

It's completely absurd how many people do not RSVP! The envelope has a stamp on it! What are you waiting for? There are a few exceptions that have extreme travel circumstances for our wedding and I understand why they are taking a while... but locals?? Really??

evalynn68 · July 2012

It was so hard for us also! Deadline was 7/1.... we were out of town from 6/30 - 7/6. When we came back we still hadn't heard from 9 people. We called and emailed them. Finally tracked them down

. Some said yes, others sent regrets.

It is a painful process - I hated going through it.

Eva

h1jung · July 2012

Our deadline passed a while ago and there's one person who still didn't reply via RSVP or later when i emailed her. So she's obviously a no but I think it's really rude to not only be late but also never respond. Then we had a guest who agreed to be a groomsman a long time ago, never sent in his RSVP, and only told us he couldn't come when my FI called him after the deadline. Aughhh. I understand if you can't go, but at least try to be responsible with your replies.

Eyejewel · July 2012

Yeah our rsvp deadline was yesterday. Im kinda hurt some people that i thought would come arent but what can i do. We thought the rsvps would speed up with the date so close nope all this week 2 a day. We still have over 40 people to track down. 203 people were invited so far 142 are confirmed. After tomorrow's mail comes in im texting a few of my cousins to see if they got the invites and if they are coming. Gave 2 days alot of the other people will have to be followed up over the weekend. Im working crazy hours and trying to do all the other plans so dont have time for this. It had a stamp- just cant believe people are so rude.

When my brother came home for his suit fitting i just told him to bring is rsvp card - figured it was the only way i was getting it back. Im gonna use the stamp on a bill for something else.

dawnp917 · July 2012

I don't take it personally. Your wedding will not be more important to the guests than it is to you. I had a pretty good idea when we sent out invitations who would come and who wouldn't I was surprised by 4 guests who are coming. I had a short list of VIPs my parents, sisters and 2 friends if these people couldn't make it that would be difficult for me other than that if people make it great if not that's ok.

Jojo714 · July 2012

I feel exactly the same way. The saddest part of all is that it's my "closest friends" that haven't taken the time to RSVP. I mean they are due on July 27th and all, but I feel like it's not that important to them. It wasn't bothering me at all before, but now it really is starting to get on my nerves.

There's one in particular that is actually making me more upset as the days pass. I have a friend who's wedding was in March. I was her first RSVP. I filled it out went to the post office and mailed it back the minute I went home on my lunchbreak and received the invite. Like- you just had your own wedding and were on facebook blasting people for not rsvp'ing and had about 25 people that never RSVP'd show up. Seriously? I would rather that she decline than not sending it in at all.

i2012do · July 2012

When people contacted the Non-RSVPers. Did they then send in their rsvp card, or did you just have to go off their email/phone conversation?
I hope people say yes they are coming then send in the card. I feel like that keeps things much more organized because you are able ot have in writing the people's names, the yes's the no's and not have to keep going through lists of people etc. Everything is all in one place

I'm still REALLY ticked 2 days later over my MOH losing her rsvp card.

I am actually down to getting ONE a day at this point. With 8 days left to the RSVP i better start getting more considering that I am still missing over 50!

Handrbailey · July 2012

I was in tears the other day too. My FSIL gave me an awesome gift though....

I posted on Facebook "Excited to get all of our RSVP's in the mail this week so we can make our seating chart." She commented, "I hope you got ours. Getting it in on time is my gift to the bride and you have worked so hard to make this wedding fantastic."

Suddenly, we got a flow of RSVP's!!!!

Handrbailey · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_rsvp-heartache?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:4d4d849c-7de1-499f-ab8c-b392f87762fbPost:ab28c689-a3f0-435a-acaf-34516a6fc892">Re: RSVP Heartache</a>:
[QUOTE]I know that "RSVP" can be a tricky phrase, so we went with "Please grant us the favor of your reply by" and in BIG letters (and a different color) "July 18th". So far, we've heard from 23%. Half of my family hasn't replied. My mom seriously thinks this is ok - "we know that they are coming." Also on that list - ALL of the wedding party....and there's a 99% chance that one of my BMs (her daughter is also a Jr. BM and her son is our ring bearer) will be a no-show. RSVPs are definitely making me feel bi-polar!
Posted by lb1212[/QUOTE]

I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling bi-polar!

paguilar9 · July 2012

OMG! I totally agree with you and feel the same way.

Slider_852000 · July 2012

i am 3 weeks away and still tracking people down that did not send in their cards i was crying about it last week when we didnt get any on the day they were due by we invited alittle over 200 and have 130 coming kinda sad but now I can spend more time with people and dont have to stress as bad the day of

DEE0979 · July 2012

I am disgusted at how rude and inconsiderate people are when it comes to rsvping! I will make a few calls, but that's it. And, I do take it personally because it MY wedding they are showing no regard for. This whole wedding process has officially sucked the "niceness" out of me. It has definitely be an eye opening experience, that's for sure. I'm just glad that the people I really wanted there did respond. I guess that is alll that should matter.

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