Future sister in law has her own guest list

kag0134 · November 2010

How can I politely tell my future sister in law that she cannot invite her own friends to our destination wedding?

Thanks!

mypalbabs · November 2010

I need more sleep because I read this as "Figure skater in law has her own guest list"

danieliza1127 · November 2010

Is she just wanting them to come for the vacation part of it, or the wedding too? I think as long as she understands that they wouldn't be invited to the actual wedding and reception, it might be okay if she brings some friends to spend the rest of her vacation with, if you're cool with that. If you're not though, your FI needs to tell her that it's just not okay and that you guys are only inviting your own friends and family members.

zitiqueen · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_future-sister-law-her-own-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e68aa332-8665-4b66-a834-c18a2770b417Post:0c434e0e-9470-4442-9db0-69e1bc1db996">Re: Future sister in law has her own guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]I have the same question danieliza raised: is she actually inviting them to the ceremony/reception? I disagree, though, that it would be okay to tell her that she can't invite them to join her otherwise. If she's spending the time/money to travel, what's wrong with making it into a real vacation that she can enjoy with her friends, too?
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

I agree with this, and if she wants to invite them to the wedding and recpetion, the answer to your original question is, you don't. It's your FI's resposnsibility to reign his family in.

palmettogirl924 · November 2010

Unless FSIL is paying for your wedding, then just tell her you can't accomodate... however, is her mother paying for the wedding? Because if your FMIL wants FSIL friends there (and she's paying) then they get to come

. However, if this is not the case... then just tell her no. If her friends want to vacation then that's fine, as long as they don't crash the ceremony/reception. Where is the wedding? If it's in a desireable location they are probably just hoping to take a vacation, not ruin your wedding.

zantster · November 2010

I would tell your FSIL that you are budgeting for and limiting the guest list to close friends and family of you and your FI only. And that while you are sure they are great friends of hers that you nor your FI have a real connection with them. So they are welcome to have a vacation with your FSIL. But unfortunately you won't be able to stretch the budget for people that you don't actually know or interact with aside from a quick "Hi" if you bump into them when FSIL is around. And then thank her for understanding and explaining the situation to her friends (in case she's already told them they could come).

ckonidak · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_future-sister-law-her-own-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e68aa332-8665-4b66-a834-c18a2770b417Post:8a797d3d-de5f-48a9-8aee-3a99866604dc">Re: Future sister in law has her own guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]"FSIL, I'm sorry, but we just can't accommodate your friends at the wedding. The resort may have additional rooms if they wish to vacation at the same time, but they'll need to have alternate plans for the RD, Reception, etc." You can't stop them from vacationing at the same time. But you don't have to invite them to the wedding festivities that are by invite only.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

-This is perfect. I think she'll get the point.

2012JulyBride · November 2010

I agree with what everyone's said. You can't stop people from being at the same place at the same time but, depending on who's paying for it, FI can inform her that they will not be attending the wedding events.

SeptemberFall2011 · November 2010

I am the lone ranger on this thread apparently. I think you should just point blank tell your FSIL that her friends are welcome to vacay with her but when it comes to the wedding it is for your and fiance's close friends and family. Say the location or budget can't accomondate them if you need to. Making your fiance rein her in is quite dumb because eventually you're not going to like how she handles something like punishing your kids and you will have to speak up for your own self then. Better start now.

bdriley · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_future-sister-law-her-own-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e68aa332-8665-4b66-a834-c18a2770b417Post:1933fc8f-8a18-4377-a393-5a34389b1bcb">Re: Future sister in law has her own guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]I am the lone ranger on this thread apparently. I think you should just point blank tell your FSIL that her friends are welcome to vacay with her but when it comes to the wedding it is for your and fiance's close friends and family. Say the location or budget can't accomondate them if you need to. <strong>Making your fiance rein her in is quite dumb because eventually you're not going to like how she handles something like punishing your kids and you will have to speak up for your own self then. Better start now.</strong>
Posted by SeptemberFall2011[/QUOTE]

I agree with this to an extent. You can't always make your FI be the buffer between you and his family. Eventually you will have to stand up for yourself. You can't always have your words filtered through a middle man.

kag0134 · November 2010

Thanks everyone! Everyone's posts have helped me at least get started. We're getting married in the Dominican Republic so I highly doubt these freinds will be able to afford it and weare certainly not paying for them to attend our small wedding.

Again, Thank everyone so much!!

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