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Wedding Etiquette Forum
murphyr6
member
Vent from a Bridesmaid about a Bride's lack of etiquette
My friend is getting married next weekend and thank goodness, because her complete lack of etiquette is finally getting to me. It has been a long year. It stinks because I started off being so positive and honored to be a part of this experience, and now I'm just ready for it to be done.
The latest issues:
We bought bridesmaid dresses at a salon 1.5 hours from where we live because the bride liked the salon better than the one 20 minutes away. The dress was 40 dollars more at the salon she wanted, but we went with it to make her comfortable. They butchered our dresses and we had to pay someone else to fix the alterations.
The bride told us that the rehearsal dinner was 325 dollars a plate and that we must be dressed up and gracious to the groom's family. She went on to say that the wedding is 200 dollars a head and she hopes people realize that so their gifts match the costs. We were all so dumbfounded that she was telling us the costs that we couldn't muster up a response. I think I managed an "OK".
The bride emailed us a detailed agenda for the weekend that starts at 3 o'clock Friday afternoon, continues until midnight Friday night, then begins again Saturday morning at 8 am and continues until midnight again. There are specific tasks we are expected to complete. She sent this to us yesterday, one week before the wedding. I'm less annoyed by the presence of a schedule, but instead the mandatory socializing (drinks with the groom's family at 8, drinks with the bride's family at 9, breakfast at 8:10).
She also sent an email asking us to organize snacks for Friday afternoon, for the salon on Saturday morning, a plan for lunch, snacks for the time between the ceremony and the reception, and then a gift basket of snacks and drinks for the honeymoom suite. She put in suggestions of what to purchase.
When I talked to her on Friday, she asked that I bring my gift to her house this week. She asked me to "spread the word" to other people to bring their gifts too because she isn't set up for a gift table at the reception... I asked who I should tell, because maybe some people weren't planning to give a gift (I wasn't actually- I've spent so much on this wedding and I've given several gifts already). She said everyone will give a gift, so tell everyone.
The last straw was the email requesting payment for our hair and makeup by Monday night to her. I wasn't planning on getting my makeup done. I was planning to get my hair done, but she calculated the tip, which I think should be done when we see the work.
Ok sorry for the long vent.... I think I just need to let all this go and try to enjoy the day... try to think of those original thoughts of honor and excitement. I hope I can find them by Friday.
The latest issues:
We bought bridesmaid dresses at a salon 1.5 hours from where we live because the bride liked the salon better than the one 20 minutes away. The dress was 40 dollars more at the salon she wanted, but we went with it to make her comfortable. They butchered our dresses and we had to pay someone else to fix the alterations.
The bride told us that the rehearsal dinner was 325 dollars a plate and that we must be dressed up and gracious to the groom's family. She went on to say that the wedding is 200 dollars a head and she hopes people realize that so their gifts match the costs. We were all so dumbfounded that she was telling us the costs that we couldn't muster up a response. I think I managed an "OK".
The bride emailed us a detailed agenda for the weekend that starts at 3 o'clock Friday afternoon, continues until midnight Friday night, then begins again Saturday morning at 8 am and continues until midnight again. There are specific tasks we are expected to complete. She sent this to us yesterday, one week before the wedding. I'm less annoyed by the presence of a schedule, but instead the mandatory socializing (drinks with the groom's family at 8, drinks with the bride's family at 9, breakfast at 8:10).
She also sent an email asking us to organize snacks for Friday afternoon, for the salon on Saturday morning, a plan for lunch, snacks for the time between the ceremony and the reception, and then a gift basket of snacks and drinks for the honeymoom suite. She put in suggestions of what to purchase.
When I talked to her on Friday, she asked that I bring my gift to her house this week. She asked me to "spread the word" to other people to bring their gifts too because she isn't set up for a gift table at the reception... I asked who I should tell, because maybe some people weren't planning to give a gift (I wasn't actually- I've spent so much on this wedding and I've given several gifts already). She said everyone will give a gift, so tell everyone.
The last straw was the email requesting payment for our hair and makeup by Monday night to her. I wasn't planning on getting my makeup done. I was planning to get my hair done, but she calculated the tip, which I think should be done when we see the work.
Ok sorry for the long vent.... I think I just need to let all this go and try to enjoy the day... try to think of those original thoughts of honor and excitement. I hope I can find them by Friday.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent from a Bridesmaid about a Bride's lack of etiquette
If I was you and put up with all of that, I would pick something off her registry that was about under $50 or so and leave it at that. I most certainly wouldn't give into this selfish, inconsiderate girl.
Practice saying: "I'm sorry, Bride, but I don't feel comfortable doing/can't afford/don't have time for this." Repeat as neccessary.
And please come back after the wedding to tell us what she does when they do not make all of their money back in gifts.
See, I couldn't be this nice.
I would get her wasted at the bachelorette, take a very unflattering and suggestive picture of her with a Chippendale, and send it to her fiance in hopes of destroying their entire relationship just so I wouldn't have to take part in that wedding.
But I am an evil, evil person.
You are a patient, wonderful friend who doesn't deserve to put up with this. I hope the bride comes to her senses soon and apologizes for being a (insert explicative word of choice,)
[QUOTE]Bridezilla much? This girl sounds very ungrateful and inconsiderate of other people. What does she think she is going to recoup some of the expense of the fancy reception dinner by getting super expensive wedding gifts? I don't think so. If I was you and put up with all of that, I<strong> would pick something off her registry that was about under $50 or so and leave it at that.</strong> I most certainly wouldn't give into this selfish, inconsiderate girl.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]
From the sounds of it, I'd be surprised if she HAD anything under $50.00 on her registry.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent from a Bridesmaid about a Bride's lack of etiquette : From the sounds of it, I'd be surprised if she HAD anything under $50.00 on her registry.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I guess that's true. If that is the case for this bride, then after all the money the OP has spent on being in this wedding, I would simply get her a nice card and be done with it considering how much money she has spent already conforming to this brides every wish and desire.
I'm sorry you have to put up with this.
Clearly her expectations and reality are not even in the same universe. Your call obviously, but I'd have something to say about this schedule of events. It would start with "hell no" and end with "absolutely not."
YA really she seems to be very selfish if i may put it that way. she can't expect people to give her 200 as a gift because that is what she chose to have. Well good luck to you and technically if she is having you get makeup and hair done by a professional she pay's for those things she must not have read and etiquette books or anything.
op, come back and tell us about the inevitable meltdown she'll have at her wedding.
When it comes to gifts, just say, "Well I can tell the BMs that's what you're wanting but I'm not comfortable telling anyone else."
And if she brings up the "Cover your plate" again, just say, "Oh honey, if you wanted me to cover my plate, you should have let me pick the place."
She sounds like a peach. Is this how she normally is?
I kinda wonder why people are good enough friends with people like this to be in their wedding. I would be appalled if anyone I knew behaved like this. I've never seen any of my friends be half this selfish. Do you see your friendship continuing after seeng this side of her?
You are more patient that I would have been. Let us know the many ways she flips out the day before and the day of the wedding.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent from a Bridesmaid about a Bride's lack of etiquette : Yeah, I guess that's true. If that is the case for this bride, then after all the money the OP has spent on being in this wedding,<strong> I would simply get her a nice card and be done with it considering how much money she has spent already conforming to this brides every wish and desire.</strong>
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]
Ha, I'd put reciepts in the card or a detailed list of everything I paid lol. End it with "HAPPY WEDDING!" lol. You're patient. And I agree with 925 - please please please take some awesomely horrible pics of her at her bach party.
I'm doing Team in Training for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!
also- what the hell are you eating at the RD that makes it that expensive?!
The bride told us that the rehearsal dinner was 325 dollars a plate and that we must be dressed up and gracious to the groom's family.
Seriously, I want to hear about this rehearsal dinner. The food better be really good for that price. Come back and tell us about it.
She also sent an email asking us to organize snacks for Friday afternoon, for the salon on Saturday morning, a plan for lunch, snacks for the time between the ceremony and the reception, and then a gift basket of snacks and drinks for the honeymoom suite.
This woman is out of her mind. She wants you to prepare a gift basket of snacks and drinks for the honeymoon suite? I've never heard of anything so presumptuous. Don't do it.
Has she been this bad all along?
Seriously though, if you're really close enough with her to be a BM, please put your foot down. No paying for hair, no paying for makeup, no buying snacks, no telling people to give her gifts, no getting her a gift. Honestly, please don't buy her a damned thing besides a discount card. I kind of want to smack her.
Planning!.....Married!
The bride told us that the rehearsal dinner was 325 dollars a plate and that we must be dressed up and gracious to the groom's family.
First off, does she think you all would not be gracious to the groom's family even if it was a $20 per person barbeque? Secondly, who the heck has a RD that is more expensive than the meal they're having for their actual wedding (which $200 is ridiculous as well)?
She also sent an email asking us to organize snacks for Friday afternoon, for the salon on Saturday morning, a plan for lunch, snacks for the time between the ceremony and the reception, and then a gift basket of snacks and drinks for the honeymoom suite.
Yeah, I would not do any of this and tell the other bridesmaids to not do this as well. When she asks what happened with all of th snacks, I would say "See I manage to feed myself when hungry, and I'll figure something out when the time comes." As for the basket in the HM suite, she it so beyond ridiculous it's not even funny. She is extremely presumptuous to ask you all to do that. She can get her own damn basket or order Room Service. Doesn't she realize that by asking you all to do these things vs. you all doing them without prompting means they won't mean as much.
Wouldn't it mean more for her and FH to arrive at their HM suite and you all had set out rose petals and a bottle of champagne without prompting. To me that would mean more than making sure you all had completed your task list.
This girl is Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs and you need to come back and tell us more BSC bridezilla stories about this wedding.
Are they paying for all of these madatory 'socializing" sessions? This is truly one of the most obnoxious and outrageous stories I have ever heard. I would NOT be friends with this person after this wedding is over.
Really, I think you should put your foot down and refuse to get your hair and makeup done. As one of the posters said very eloquently above, you can only be taken advantage of if you allow it.
She should have been taken down a peg starting with the BM dresses. Paying more for dresses and getting the alterations butchered just because she likes the salon better? Okay, if she REALLY wants to see you try them at that salon, drive the 1.5 hours, try them on, then go order them at the salon 20 minutes away that has them for 40 bucks less. Still a time-waster, but at least your pocketbook would have taken less of a hit, and your dresses wouldn't have been handled by scissor-happy seamstresses.
For the love of god, don't give this nutso any more of your money. Tell her to recalculate the cost for only your hair, not your makeup, and that you will tip as you see fit on the day. Don't get her a gift; a card maybe, but not a gift. The spoilt brat's bled you dry enough as it is.
And I'm with everyone else about the $325 a plate rehearsal dinner. Will everything be crusted in caviar? Are the steaks gilded as well as grilled? Did a dozen sherpas give their lives to deliver the grain that fed the chickens whose breasts now adorn your plate?
Unbelievable. I hope she falls flat on her face the second she starts down the aisle.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. You sound like you are very sweet, but I think people are right that you should have spoken up a long time ago, and need to politely talk to her about how you don't plan to pay for makeup, will tip afterwards, etc. I think a card is perfectly reasonable a this point.
Other than that, all you can really do at this point is just enjoy some ridiculously good food, alcohol, and partying (must be out of this world to cost that much money, right?). Good luck, and please come back to tell us how it went! (Bonus points if you can get her obligatory day-of meltdown on video!)
173 Invites are in the mail!
58 are ready to party!
32 are missing out.
83 are nowhere to be found.
RSVP date is November 1.
The girl hasn't always been like this. This is some sort of , as the wedding approaches, I will turn into a spoiled brat syndrome. Bridezilla, whatever you want to call it. Her family and the groom's family are very concerned about appearances and keeping up with the jones and this is her major focus right now. Most of the time, I'm in shock by her behavior because I know she is a great person who is focused on all the wrong things right now.
I've spoken up a few times, once after we saw our trashed bridesmaid dresses, once when she threw a fit that a relative "only" gave her a salad bowl as a shower gift. I basically said, I think you're losing focus on what is important. She took it well and was better for a few days.
At this point, I'm ready to just be in the wedding and be done with it. She has been very gracious after all the major events (2 showers, bacherlorette, her dress fittings) and thanked me profusely. I think she really has lost sight on enjoying the day.
And the $325/head dinner? I'm just as curious about what will be served. My SO and I have been to some fancy dinners and have never approached that level of cost. It will be interesting for sure.
I'm also curious to see what happens when things don't go her way that day (nothing is perfect and I can't imagine all of these plans will work perfectly). I'm hoping she can be the person who I am friends with and let it go and enjoy herself. I'll keep you guys updated.
What a Bridezilla! I feel realy bad for you. I would guess that she does not understand why two people get married. It's not about the gifts! Come on??? That is insane. A wedding is not a way to "make money" or to receive an "expensive gift."
I think this bride needs a reality check. That is very sad that she is trying to dictate every moment. Let it be. I am so thankful that I, a type A person, am just letting things be for our special day. I just want to enjoy all of it, not fret and worry about every detail. It will be over in the blink of an eye and she will have missed all of the fun due to her bitterness!
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