2nd Time bride and feel like I can't ask anyone to come

pigtails341 · January 2012

I had a big hometown wedding and many relatives flew here, paid to stay in a hotel and gave a gift. My parents paid for a lot of the wedding. So naturally I dont feel like anyone should spend any money or give us a gift, but I would love it if some of the family and friends come to the wedding to enhance the fun!

We are getting married in Vegas in June and we are paying for flights, 3 nights at Bellagio plus $350 spending/meal $ per couple. We can only afford to do this for the very immediate family though (7 couples).

What do I do about inviting others? I have some fantastic cousins who might make it so much fun, but I dont want to send them an invite because I think it makes people feel obligated to send a gift if they can't come.

Help!

Pookieson · January 2012

maybe this would be a question for the etiquette board. Something like how to word an invite so that they know you don't want a gift if they can't make it???

Grits8812 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_2nd-time-bride-feel-like-cant-ask-anyone-come?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:a9e033ef-455b-472f-8e9b-7e3baf2eba8cPost:205d8cd6-8503-4ede-9db2-c6cfbd3c0ad2">Re: 2nd Time bride and feel like I can't ask anyone to come</a>:
[QUOTE]Send out a casual invitation. "We're eloping to Vegas, and would love it if you came along! Here's the travel information!" Invitations aren't a solicitation for a gift. That's called an invoice. You're just inviting them - gifts are their own decision. Don't be bashful about asking, if you'd like for them to come.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
I agree with this.

Avion22 · January 2012

I agree that you should invite who you want to invite. Let them decide if they are able to come. If you were MY cousin getting married in Vegas (even as a second wedding), then I would do everything I could to be able to attend. It sounds like a blast to me.

But? If I got there and found out that you paid for SOME couples to attend, but not me, then I might be a little weirded out. I mean, it's one thing if Grandma and Grandpa absolutely could not afford to attend otherwise, so you are helping them out so they can be there. But you might want to keep it quiet that some guests are paid for and some are not (which I'm sure you would do anyway, just pointing it out).

right1thistime · January 2012

At our wedding, which was only about 1 hour from home, We paid for lodging for my mom (she wouldn't have been able to go otherwise), and my brother (who was taking our kids for a week for the honeymoon) and of course us & our kids. Other couples stayed at the hotel on their own dime.

renjon7798 · January 2012

OP, I agree with you 100%! This is the 2nd wedding for both my FI and I. We are also going to Vegas in June and would like to send info to a few people about joining us. However, we do not want or need any gifts. Thanks for posting this as I may steal some of the wonderful advice you've been given!

pigtails341 · January 2012

I think we will be ok there-we are paying for parents, grandparents and siblings only. Everyone else would pay their own way. Hopefully those lines won't be blurry for anyone. Thank you all for the great advice. I wasn't going to invite the rest of the family and friends but I think I will.

docco11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_2nd-time-bride-feel-like-cant-ask-anyone-come?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:a9e033ef-455b-472f-8e9b-7e3baf2eba8cPost:d2d375c2-3069-4207-a420-44f2a74b7380">Re: 2nd Time bride and feel like I can't ask anyone to come</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that you should invite who you want to invite. Let them decide if they are able to come. If you were MY cousin getting married in Vegas (even as a second wedding), then I would do everything I could to be able to attend. It sounds like a blast to me. But? If I got there and found out that you paid for SOME couples to attend, but not me, then I might be a little weirded out. I mean, it's one thing if Grandma and Grandpa absolutely could not afford to attend otherwise, so you are helping them out so they can be there. But you might want to keep it quiet that some guests are paid for and some are not (which I'm sure you would do anyway, just pointing it out).
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

This. I say pay for them all or just stick to your orginal guest list.

HeathenSwan · January 2012

I'd send the invites. They can decide to attend, or not. I don't think it would be seen as pressure to show up. It doesn't matter that this is your second wedding, invite the people you'd like to share this wonderful day with.

I don't think the part about paying for certain people, but not others would be an issue, for three reasons. 1) You're paying for immediate family only. 2) People don't typically talk about financial matters with people, so no one should know who's paying. 3) As a previous poster said, it's not expected (or required) that the couple pay for guests' travel and lodging expenses.

2nd Time bride and feel like I can't ask anyone to come

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