Proper Gift Giving

luv2cheer68 · October 2012

I have a close friend who owns a farm, and her boyfriend's family also owns a farm. We have joked about me having my wedding at one of their homes, and I know that they would allow me to have my wedding at either place. Does anyone have any ideas about how to ask for real if I can have my wedding at one of their farms? In addition, I know that they would not accept any form of payment, so my other question is what would be an appropriate gift to honor such a huge favor? Thanks for the feedback in advance :-)

jessicabessica · October 2012

How serious was the joking about it? Were you engaged at the time? If you have told them that you are engaged and looking forward to planning, and they haven't said anything about using their farms, I would consider it off the table.

Peledreamsofrain · October 2012

You know, this might be strange sounding, but depending on how big their farm is, you might give them a "farm-sitting" certificate. I know several people who have small farms who can't travel much because it's very hard to find a person who they can trust to watch their farm for a few days. We raise chickens, and we find it hard to find someone reliable enough to watch our five hens while we are out of town.

Weird, and from left field, but it's a thought

. It'd be very valuable to them to know thier animals and land are in caring and attentive hands while they take a weekend off!

JoanE2012 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-gift-giving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff94c977-1d8a-457c-92e3-c9791e326edbPost:98229671-1a67-4bc2-b4e0-d897941f65ff">Proper Gift Giving</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a close friend who owns a farm, and her boyfriend's family also owns a farm. We have joked about me having my wedding at one of their homes, and I know that they would allow me to have my wedding at either place. Does anyone have any ideas about how to ask for real if I can have my wedding at one of their farms? In addition, I know that they would not accept any form of payment, so my other question is what would be an appropriate gift to honor such a huge favor? Thanks for the feedback in advance :-)
Posted by luv2cheer68[/QUOTE]

I probably wouldn't ask. You might put them in an awkward situation where they would feel obligated to say yes. I feel if they really wanted to offer up their farm to you as an option for your wedding, they would voluntarily tell you this without you having to ask.

NateandJustine · October 2012

My FI's best friend's parents own a farm and we always talked about getting married there(and they knew that we wanted to). This past summer we asked them to dinner and just asked them. Of course they said yes, but maybe you can do the same thing. We aren't sure what we are going to do for them yet, because they are the same way and wont accept any time of payment.

kmmssg · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-gift-giving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff94c977-1d8a-457c-92e3-c9791e326edbPost:3ca9328a-0c8f-4f10-8ba2-c7bb06ba947e">Re: Proper Gift Giving</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Proper Gift Giving : I probably wouldn't ask. You might put them in an awkward situation where they would feel obligated to say yes. I feel if they really wanted to offer up their farm to you as an option for your wedding, they would voluntarily tell you this without you having to ask.
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm with Joan here. The liability to them is tremendous. Someone walks on uneven ground and wrenches an ankle? They are liable. That kind of list goes on and on. I think it would put them in a very awkward position. I open my home to people I KNOW and I TRUST, I don't open my home to people I barely know, let alone perfect strangers. </div><div>
</div><div>You have to consider bathroom facilities, parking (where will everyone park, and what if it is muddy on your wedding day? Ladies in heels? You in your gown?), renting EVERYTHING you need, having to set it all up and tear it all down and return it?</div><div>
</div><div>I wouldn't approach them.</div><div>
</div>

madeline&matt · October 2012

I was in a similar situation where one of my parrents' good friends had suggested prior to me getting engaged that we could use their home as a site for our wedding. Once we were formally engaged, this friend reiterated the offer to my parents. Both times the woman who owns the home initiated the conversation.

I think if you're especially close to them, you could ask, but if they knew it was on your mind and haven't approached you since you became engaged, I would tread lightly. They don't need to worry about liability, their insurance would step in if anyone were to be injured. Also, typically the caterer/rental company will handle set up and break down. It is, still, a huge imposition to have that many people at your home.

As for a gift, these friends of ours are into food, so we're probably going to do a gift certificate to a really nice restaurant in our city and maybe a gift basket with some other things. I've budgeted $500 for their gift because it is such a huge thing that they are doing for us.

kmmssg · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-gift-giving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff94c977-1d8a-457c-92e3-c9791e326edbPost:0a2105fe-5cc3-4c6a-946d-5ff9b89bba91">Re: Proper Gift Giving</a>:
[QUOTE]I was in a similar situation where one of my parrents' good friends had suggested prior to me getting engaged that we could use their home as a site for our wedding. Once we were formally engaged, this friend reiterated the offer to my parents. Both times the woman who owns the home initiated the conversation. I think if you're especially close to them, you could ask, but if they knew it was on your mind and haven't approached you since you became engaged, I would tread lightly. <strong>They don't need to worry about liability, their insurance would step in if anyone were to be injured</strong>. Also, typically the caterer/rental company will handle set up and break down. It is, still, a huge imposition to have that many people at your home. As for a gift, these friends of ours are into food, so we're probably going to do a gift certificate to a really nice restaurant in our city and maybe a gift basket with some other things. I've budgeted $500 for their gift because it is such a huge thing that they are doing for us.<div>Posted by madeline&matt[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>the bold part is incorrect. Sure, the insurance company will step in - up to the limit of the policy. What if damages or injuries exceed that? Also, what do you think will happen to their insurance rates if there is a claim due to the wedding? YES, they do need to worry about that.</div><div>
</div>

DMoore421 · October 2012

In Response to Re:Proper Gift Giving:[QUOTE]I have a close friend who owns a farm, and her boyfriend's family also owns a farm. We have jokednbsp;about me having my wedding at one of their homes, and I know thatnbsp;they would allow me to have my weddingnbsp;at either place.nbsp;Does anyone have any ideas about how to ask for real if I can have my wedding at one of their farms? In addition, I know that they would not accept any form of payment, so my other question is what would be an appropriate gift to honor such a huge favor? Thanks for the feedback in advance : Posted by luv2cheer68[/QUOTE]

I think before you really look at it you should contact your insurance company and find out how much even insurance would cost should anyone fall and get hurt or something happen at the farm... I have to have even Insurance for mine at a hotel should anything happen to any of the wedding guests so the hotel is not responsible. You should be sure you have something in place so no one would go after farm owners as well should something happen

DMoore421 · October 2012

In Response to Re:Proper Gift Giving:[QUOTE]I was in a similar situation where one of my parrents' good friends had suggested prior to me getting engaged that we could use their home as a site for our wedding. Once we were formally engaged, this friend reiterated the offer to my parents. Both times the woman who owns the home initiated the conversation.nbsp;I think if you're especially close to them, you could ask, but if they knew it was on your mind and haven't approached you since you became engaged, I would tread lightly. They don't need to worry about liability, their insurance would step in if anyone were to be injured. Also, typically the caterer/rental company will handle set up and break down. It is, still, a huge imposition to have that many people at your home.nbsp;As for a gift, these friends of ours are into food, so we're probably going to do a gift certificate to a really nice restaurant in our city and maybe a gift basket with some other things. I've budgeted 500 for their gift because it is such a huge thing that they are doing for us. Posted by madelinematt[/QUOTE]

Hence the reason why the couple should get their own insurance... It would be a ding against the farm policy that is unnecessary if the couple gets their own policy ... Which is usually fairly cheap

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