NWR: Has to do with S.E.X.... blush!

mdoyle1217 · March 2012

One of my co-workers asked me the other day if FI ever turns me down if I make a sexual advance or try to get intimate with him. She tried to get her husband in the bedroom one morning after she took their kids to school and he told her no and she got really upset about it...anyway...it got me thinking. FI has never turned me down because I seriously think I have the lowest sex drive of anyone I know! So he's very happy and appreciative if we have sex and he's thrilled when I am the one who initiates it!!! If you have sex with your FI (I know some of you are waiting) how often do you have sex? I know there is no "normal" but I feel bad for the guy (my FI). I love him tremendously and am very attracted to him. I just find myself not really thinking about sex or wanting it. Does anyone have the same issues?? Another note...I am overweight but FI loves me and tells me all the time how sexy I am and that he loves my curves.

gpapale1 · March 2012

Okay, so FI and I were sexually active, but we've decided to refrain from sex for these last few months. It's really not hard for me, because I have a low sex drive to begin with...I feel bad for the FI, though! FI has never turned me down when I initiate things, but I have definitely told him no before! LOL I think I'm in the same boat as you. I comfortable with my body and I know FI finds me beautiful/sexy...I just don't always feel like doing the deed. I think going these 3 months without it though will help increase my "desires"! HAHA

mancila60 · March 2012

I can truely relate to this. I too am overweight and my FI loves me the way I am and I'm very glad. I used to have a super high sex drive like we could do it everyday sometimes more than once a day. Then we got engaged and we moved into our own house and it seems like it got way lower and now has it's ups and downs. I don't think FI has ever turned me down and I would be shocked if he did. I think we have sex 2-3 times a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. It truely depends on what our week is like.

AurorasEnvy · March 2012

I'd say about once a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less...less more often than not. FI and I both have pretty demanding, stressful jobs, so I think that kills the drive most of the time - I definitely notice an "uptick" so to speak during extended periods off from work. And don't worry, I definitely have the same issue. He doesn't really turn me down much, but I'm not always the one initiating. I wouldn't get mad if he did, and it seems silly that your friend got so upset - I'm sure she's turned him down plenty of times!

Shari 86 · March 2012

Before DD we were very umm.... active. Usually Once a day some times twice. After DD is usually anywhere from 1 -3 times a week.

T sometimes will turn me down as well. For us it works both ways, some days I don't have the energy and some days he doesn't. I don't get offended or worried by it. After I had DD I hated my body for a while and my sex drive dropped tremendosly. Even with T saying how much he loves my body ect. It was a mental thing. I find that even though I am no where near my former body, as long as I get my work out in, I feel good. Which usually leads to Mommy and Daddy time. lol

evenundomiel · March 2012

definitely not TMI for me....Sex is just a natural part of being human!

I had some struggles with low sex drive last year. I found out that I have hypothyroidism...which accounts for the low sex drive. I also found that it takes a bit more for me to, uh hm, benefit from sex.....so getting the two of those figured out has been fun.

now, FI and I have sex about 3-4 times a week. life is good. But...we do go through occasional times when we don't have sex as often....so, it definitely depends on what we have going on in our lives and stress levels.

sometimes getting a bit tispy helps! sex is a great stress reliever!

carlowgirl10 · March 2012

I have the OPPOSITE problem...i have a very high sex drive....FI has a low one...and he has turned me down more often than not.

We have talked about it and he just has a low sex drive, we usually have sex once a week...but since we havent been working at all this last month..we have only had sex ONCE in a month!!!

I may have to jump him soon tho...lol

I told him we cant at all 2 months till the wedding...and its only 2 months 13 days away!!! only 13 more days to have sex!!

LuckyHeather · March 2012

I was the opposite of most. My drive was way higher than his, and it took me a while to realize it had nothing to do with how he felt about me. We probably do it twice a month, maybe three. In previous relationships it was more like three times a week. Getting used to that was tough. I questioned whether he was in love with me (gasp!), whether I was attractive to him, etc. (not out loud, just in my head-full-of-self-doubt).

The good thing that came out of it was that it forced me to see other things he does/says as ways he shows me he loves me and now I feel loved all the time! I think our relationship is much stronger because of it.

amandad18 · March 2012

I'm a little different- If we go through a week or two dry spell, my sex drive just completely shuts down. Like my body gets used to not having it, so I never want it/ miss it.

BUT- Once we eventually start up again, I can't keep my hands off of him. So I do ocassionaly get turned down, but I don't take it personally. Like a PP mentioned, I know I've turned him down way more.

Unfortunately, as the wedding is getting closer I am more stressed/ less interested. Looking forward to the HM for more than just getting a chance to relax ;p

DianaL616 · March 2012

FI and I only see eachother on the weekends so we right now we have sex 2-3 times on a normal weekend. When we live together I think it will be more like 3-5 times (FI thinks it will be EVERYDAY...um no...lol!) I don't think FI has ever turned me down before...my sex drive has been low the last few months so I've been saying no more often but I try not to say no too often. I'm hoping that once I'm done with school and the wedding planning that my drive will go back to normal. Definitely looking forward to the honeymoon ;-)

S0095042 · March 2012

I have a low sex drive too...I seem to be prone to UTIs so think this might have something to do with it. But we usually are intimate about once a week or so (I know that seems low...) but we are always SO tired at the end of the day we both just crash. However, I've been doing Zumba to get in shape for the wedding (I'm a plus size bride too) and it has done wonders! I'm not nearly as tired so I'm more up to play...so that "number" has steadly started to rise. However, we've talked about abstaining as it gets closer to the wedding...we doesn't want to "stop" until after early April...his reason, "my bday is in [early] April...I don't want to rule anything out"...men, lol.

As for initiation. The FI really never turns me down. As PPs have said, I think he's usually ecstatic when I actually initiate it as opposed to him chasing me.

@ amandad18, I'm like this to. Once it stops for a period of time, I just don't miss it...then I can't keep my hands off him

dland0201 · March 2012

We have sex generally 5 times a week. Sometimes everyday. Been that way our entire 6 year long relationship. He doesn't turn me down if I try, but he definitely initiates more than I do.

mandi921vh · March 2012

FI and I have sex about 3-4 times a week, although it can be more or less depending on the week. When we first began dating and were living in the dorms it was multiple times a day, everyday. Once we graduated from undergrad and FI got a job, and I began grad school our frequency declined because we were a lot busier and literally didn't have time to have sex more than once a day (if that).

I would say FI initiates sex more than I do, however he wants sex more than I do. I have no problem turning FI down, I am not going to have sex just to "please" my FI when I am not into it. Of course FI never turns down sex, he would seriously have sex all day if he could.

toothpastechica · March 2012

Depends on the time... from what I have heard its pretty normal to go through cycles of wanting it more or wanting it less. I know FI would never turn me down, if anything I get frusterated sometimes when I am really stressed and he wants to 'get it on'. I dont even want to be cuddled if I am stressed! We are trying to 'take a break' till after the wedding as per the churchs policy, for me its not hard yet, since I am at the end of term and crazy busy and stressed, I know he gets frusterated, and its probably going to be harder to abstain once classes are finished next week. We dont live together (Im living at my parents...closer to school, free food and they dont want me to live with him till we are married) so it was more like every day of the weekend once a month or so, I suspect prolly a few times a week once we are married. ( we seem to have pretty matched sex drives, but the real test will be living together....neither of us has ever turned it down until we made a promise to not engage.)

bpphoto785 · March 2012

FI & I go through cycles in our sex life. When we first started dating it was all the time. Then we had a LDR for a year so it was every few months when we saw each other. Then we moved in together and made up for lost time

then it became less frequent, we got engaged, it became more frequent... you get the picture. Now we probably have sex once a week, more when we're on vacation or even just have a day off together.

Since we're sort of at a low point in our "sex cycle," if you will, we don't really turn each other down. It's happened though, and it's not a big deal, sometimes I'm not, or he's not in the mood.

I do think we're going to try and refrain for the last month before we're married. I want to make sure our wedding night is extra special. Plus there's the honeymoon to make up for lost time

max&lucy · March 2012

I am SO relieved to read all of these posts. I feel like I also have a very low sex drive. FI and I live together and both have very stressful jobs and we work probably 50-60 hours or more per week, plus I commute 45 min to and from AND we also both try to go to the gym 3 mornings a week which means getting up just before 6am. So, sleep is a precious commodity and usually takes preference over sex. We usually have sex once a week - sometimes more or less - I can't recall FI ever turning me down as I suspect he would like to have more sex

Definitely looking forward to the HM!

spalko · March 2012

I agree with PP that it cycles for us too. When FI and I first started dating we couldn't keep our hands off of each other then FI left for overseas and we had to go without for 10 months (he did get to come home for 2 weeks and it was on!!!!) so when he came home it was everyday. However, that has tapered off since we've been wedding planning and remodeling the house. It doesn't help that FI has to be to work by 5am so he's usually in bed by 9pm at the latest. I don't get home from work until 6 or 7 so it makes it hard for us to get in personal time when we're both so exhausted from life. I've been trying to make more of an effort lately for him but sometimes I just want to go to bed. I'd say we have sex 1-2 times a week, if not less. We're working on getting back to how we used to be but I think that won't happen until the house is put back together and the wedding planning is done with.

LBug24 · March 2012

I totally don't feel as bad as I used to after reading all of this! I always thought we had a super "low" number..

When we were in undergrad it was like 5-6 times a week, now we're living together , have full time jobs, part time grad school, an hour commute, and we're on different schedules (I wake up 2 hours before he does).. We have sex about 2-3 times a week and it's almost always on weekends. I feel like doing it on weekdays, but then once my head hits that pillow sleep just seems far more appealing haha. Again, it varies.. if we're on vacation it's like 2x a day, so it's nice to know that if we weren't living in the real-life, we'd have a BEAUTIFUL sex life!

dori851 · March 2012

FI & I have sex 3-4 times a week. It used to be more, A LOT more. We used to have sex at least everyday, usually twice a day. But, once I had Lucas, my sex drive lowered tremendously. I'm sure it was a combination of exhaustion, not feeling as confident about my body, etc. For a while, after we had Lucas, we were only having sex about once a week, if that. Now, we have sex way more, & the more we have sex, the more I want sex.

With that being said, FI has never turned me down but I have definitely turned him down. I don't know if I'd be upset if he turned me down, but a lot of thoughts would definitely run through my head. Women tend to internalize things more than men do, so I don't think it's uncommon for us to think, "What is wrong with me? Does he not think I'm hot anymore? Am I not good enough?" Whereas I think if we turn our men down, they would tend to think along the lines of, "Well that's her loss" kind of mentality. KWIM?

mildlymailyn · March 2012

FI & I have been refraining since January but I have a really low sex drive so I am usually turning him down. I would rather turn him down then not enjoy it and he knows that. He loves me the way I am. If I do initiate, it is all he can do to not jump me

LDW0225 · March 2012

Oh my, this post has made me feel a lot better about our sex life! FI and I have sex probably around 2 times a week, but it used to be a lot more often. Like PP said, full time jobs, opposite schedules and wedding stress definitely put a damper on it. It's almost always on the weekends But again, it goes through cycles for sure. Sometimes I feel bad for FI bc his sex drive is a lot higher than mine. I don't think he has ever turned me down, but I don't think I'd be upset if he did.

mdoyle1217 · March 2012

I really appreciate all you ladies and your opinions and being open and honest!!! I think part of it is that I'm a very busy mom of two boys and sometimes FI doesn't understand that I can't just flip the "mom switch" off and flip on the "sexy woman" switch. He doesn't get that when I'm stressed about stuff that I just can't get my mind into it. I DO agree however that once you get it, you want it more....so maybe if I make a concious effort to not turn him down so much and just let myself get into it (I ALWAYS get into i after we've started....it's just the getting started part that is difficult) then I'll want it more and more....I feel like by the end of the day after dealing with work and the kids homework and cooking and cleaning up....sex is really the LAST thing on my mind.

Thanks Ladies!! Love you girls!!

soon to be mrs pham · March 2012

we are also quite active...

sometimes its every day or twice a day but usually 3 to 4 times a week. i get worried when we go more than three days lol...

SunshineShades · March 2012

I am glad someone brought this up!

I too have a low sex drive. It has caused many fights between FI and I. Mainly because he gets upset that I like never feel like it, and I get upset that I cant explain why I dont feel like it.

When we started dating I lived an hour away so we saw eachother Saturday-Sunday and had sex about 3 times while he was visiting.

Now we probably have sex once a week. Sometimes twice. Sometimes less, I was sex most of January so there was very little sex then.

I went off the pill a month and a half ago, so I am hoping that will help once my hormones are back on track better. I am sure FI will be happy when we start TTC because then he'll get more sex lol.

Fi would never turn me down if I initiated sex, but that seriously like never happens anymore.

NWR: Has to do with S.E.X.... blush!

Re: NWR: Has to do with S.E.X.... blush!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

NWR: Has to do with S.E.X.... *blush!*

Re: NWR: Has to do with S.E.X.... *blush!*

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

NWR: Has to do with S.E.X.... blush!

Re: NWR: Has to do with S.E.X.... blush!