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Need to vent . . . .

amyliz0226amyliz0226
10 Comments
in Wedding Party

So, my bestfriend of 20 years is my MOH.  Last week we went bridesmaid dress shopping and it was not an enjoyable experience.  At first I said I wanted chiffon for my bridesmaids.  However, after purchasing a satin gown and thinking on it for a week, I thought satin would look better on the bm's.  They tried on a satin dress last week that I LOVED!  The other 2 bridesmaids seemed ok with it.  Well, basically my MOH was eager (and very loud) to let me know that she was not paying $200 (after taxes & alterations) for a dress that she doesn't like.  To be honest with you, I'm a tightwad and I totally get that.  But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad.  I mean I LOVED that dress!  We tried on similar styles and finally decided to hit up another store that may have less expensive dresses at another time.  Evidently when she got home her teenage daughters told her she was being mean and she should have just gone with what I like.  I DO want my bridesmaids to LIKE their dresses!  And I want them as affordable as possible.  But I want to like the dress too!  I did not like the chiffon dress she liked AT ALL.  (Liked it better on the hanger)  So I'm going to another store tonight with my two BMs, and was informed that she wasn't going tonight because she is to "verbal".  The "green dress" was brought up again today and it wasn't pretty.  We discussed last Friday just me and her going this Thursday since her dress doesn't have to be the same as theirs and she can pick out something different.  But she is now saying she's wearing what they are wearing and she just hopes they speak up and speak their mind tonight.  I'm just sitting here trying to figure out what the heck just happened?!?  I would NEVER classify myself as a brideszilla but can I not have to be overjoyed that she HATES the dress I love?!? 

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Re: Need to vent . . . .

  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Just FYI, you should have asked all your BMs privately before shopping what their budgets are so you could stay at or under the lowest number.

    Why don't you give them all a shade of green (I'm assuming that's your colour?) and have them choose their own dresses. That way they can stay on budget and they will all have something they feel beautiful in.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
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  • Sierra524Sierra524 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:12d7e95a-4bd9-45bb-a648-61355b7bbfacPost:a531bc53-98ca-48ed-adfb-d3273ebde859">Re: Need to vent . . . .</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Need to vent . . . . :<strong> If you like the dress so much, buy it for her.</strong>   Are you concerned that she doesn't look good?  Or do you not like how she will look in the pictures?
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    Exactly. You should have known all their budgets prior to dress shopping. Why not let them all wear different styles so they can all be comfortable in the dresses they pick.
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    This is what happens when you don't privately get budgets in advance.  You find a dress you love, and one of the BMs starts hemming and hawwing. Things get tense and awkward, miscommunications abound, etc.

    Ask her (privately) what she'd be comfortable spending, and look for dresses in that range.  OR, even better, let each BM pick their own dress in X color, and X length.  Viola, you are no longer involved in the drama.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • KerisaHarman21KerisaHarman21 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    if you really love the dress why don't you guys look on some websites to see if you can get it cheaper? I mean if you know her size and how it fits then if you order it online you will already know what size to get!
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  • amyliz0226amyliz0226
    10 Comments
    Ok, let me clarify some things.  The dress was $150, and she was saying $200 for the alterations.  I totally get not wanting to pay that much for a dress.  And I WOULD NEVER ask them to buy a dress they don't like.  My problem is that we are STILL arguing over a dress that I let go a week ago!  As far as budgets go . . . . the dress she picked out that she liked was $150 as well.  Her household income is easily over 100K.   

    We picked our dresses last night and they are just PERFECT!  And, they are $99!!!  She likes the dress (I sent her pics of it last night) but is still wanting to argue with me this morning over saying I don't want anyone's opinion?!?  And I do!  And I ask!  You just don't have to halfway yell at me and be so hateful about it in the middle of the store!  I'm glad we got our dresses, but I just want my bf back:(  She is a "tell you how it is" person and I've known that for 20 years.  I just don't understand why we are still arguing now:(
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  • amyliz0226amyliz0226
    10 Comments
    Thank you everyone for your take on it.  After absorbing it all, I went in her office (we work together) and we made up.  I love my BF and this stupid dress is not going to come between us.  Period.  At this point, I don't care if she walks down the isle in a potato sack, just so she is there.  I will say that I've been in 3 weddings and purchased dresses that I would never wear again.  And I would I never tell a bride that I'm not wearing a dress she picked out.  But that is just me.  I guess everyone is different. 
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  • amyliz0226amyliz0226
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:12d7e95a-4bd9-45bb-a648-61355b7bbfacPost:537f9d6d-e479-4aa9-aeb8-b25b64d8bc35">Re: Need to vent . . . .</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need to vent . . . . : My guess is that this is an issue that extends past the dress (which you WERE wrong about, but you've fixed that so it's a moot point now).  If your friend, who has known you for 20 years and is a "tell it like it is" person is saying that you don't consider other people's opinions enough, it's probably worth examining.  And remember, that you can definitely be asking people what they think and still phrasing things to get a specific answer or otherwise putting them on the spot to agree with you (even if you don't realize you're doing it).
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Obviously I DO consider their opinions as I DID NOT attempt to change their mind or ask them to purchase 2 bridesmaids dresses that I absolutely LOVED.  Because I would never do that! 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:12d7e95a-4bd9-45bb-a648-61355b7bbfacPost:537f9d6d-e479-4aa9-aeb8-b25b64d8bc35">Re: Need to vent . . . .</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need to vent . . . . : My guess is that this is an issue that extends past the dress (which you WERE wrong about, but you've fixed that so it's a moot point now).  If your friend, who has known you for 20 years and is a "tell it like it is" person is saying that you don't consider other people's opinions enough, it's probably worth examining. <strong> And remember, that you can definitely be asking people what they think and still phrasing things to get a specific answer or otherwise putting them on the spot to agree with you (even if you don't realize you're doing it).</strong>
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. It's called upselling in the food and beverage industry. When I worked at bar, and someone ordered a drink, we would say, "You want <insert top shelf liquor here> in that, right?" while nodding our heads.  In the court system, it is called leading the witness. "You thought he was going to punch that guy, right?"  Glad the dress thing is resolved, but just be careful and aware of how you say things in the future if your friend is pointing out to you that this is a habit of yours. It might save you all kinds of arguments, be they wedding-related or not. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Knottie_22382733Knottie_22382733
    I think you handled it perfectly. I would NEVER EVER argue with the bride, period. It's her day. I have bought 3 dresses I never wore again, they got donated. The average dress is $200 where I live, and that's the cheap end! You asked her opinion. You dropped the dress that she didn't like, and got dress that everyone did like. I know brides that never even asked the BP opinions, they basically said here's the dress, order it by this date. Kudos to you for being the bigger person!
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