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Guest list Dilemma--Advice needed!

Mattsbride10Mattsbride10 member
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in Delaware

So I asked FH to supply me with a list of people he'd like to invite to our wedding and I noticed he left out a few family members. He claims to have left them out because he has no contact with them anymore. These people are his two aunts(mom's sisters) and a bunch of cousins he hasnt been close with in almost 15 yrs since his mom passed away when he was 13. His aunts are now seniors and their children(cousins) are in there 40s and as of lately are scattered amongst the east coast of the country. He says there were some family issues but nothing major that time wouldn't have resolved. So we have decided they probably lost touch with one another because of age and geographical differences.

Well after talking this all through with each other we decided we should probably invite them but only for the sake that they are family. FH had some resentments because he claims he tried to mend fences about 7 yrs ago but he is past it now.

 Lately I've been having second thoughts  because realistically they've only seen eachother like 3 times in 15 yrs(last time being 7 yrs ago) and I am afraid of putting these people on the spot. I guess I am starting to think it would just be awkward for everyone.  Any thoughts, comments or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.

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Re: Guest list Dilemma--Advice needed!

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    miguelhilary2010miguelhilary2010
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    edited December 2011

    I think your decision is based on FI.  Does FI have other relatives related to these same aunts/cousins who will be invited?  If he does, it probably inevitable that the aunts/cousins find out about the wedding and realize they were not invited.  If that happens, and they have hard feelings, will FI care?  You mentioned that his mom passed away some time ago, but does he have grandparents or someone who will also be upset if the aunts/cousins are not invited?


    The reason I ask these questions is because sometimes it is easier to just invite them and HOPE they don't come.  If they do come to the wedding, there will be enough people around that it shouldn't be awkward for them or you.


    My dad's mother & step-father, sister and niece all moved away a long time ago (I was under 10yrs old at the time) and I have had practically no contact with them since.  My dad keeps in contact, but my mom doesn't like them.  I decided for my dad's sake that I will invite them.  I know he would be hurt if I didnt acknowledge his side of the family, even though they are strangers who dont know anything about who I am or who I am marrying.  If they come, fine, of not, it really wont change my day at all.  My mom's not thrilled, but she'll have to suck it up  :)

    Hope this helps!

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    miguelhilary2010miguelhilary2010
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    edited December 2011
    Wow, I just realized that I referred to them as "my dad's" mother, sister, niece.  That's how bad it is.  I don't claim them by calling them my grandmother, aunt, cousin!  LOL
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    DonnalynnDonnalynn
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    edited December 2011
    I see your dilemma, but in my opinion, weddings are a time where you get to see family that you may not have seen in years...
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    Mattsbride10Mattsbride10 member
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    edited December 2011

    He has no grandparents from either side of the family. The aunts and cousins go out of there way to stay in touch with FH's younger sister but not with FH or his older brothers. So yes...they would know about the wedding. Its sad because after his mother died the whole family fell apart. I guess the right thing to do is invite them like we originally planned on doing and let them decide if they want to come. Thanks again.

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    dibsontopdibsontop member
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    edited December 2011
    Every situation is different.  But I will say this.  Growing up as a child, we did not see my dad's family very often.  There were some big problems going back many years.  However, when I was a teenager, his youngest brother got married and invited us to the wedding, even though we hadn't seen them or the rest of the family is a very long time.  My dad took us and there was somewhat of a reconciliation.  By no means are we super close now, but there is a lot more communication and we see each other a lot more often now.  So there is always the possibility that your wedding could help bring the family back together some.

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    Mattsbride10Mattsbride10 member
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you. I hope you are right.
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