Pre-Destination Wedding Ceremony

jordansblum · December 2011

Hi Everybody,

My fiance and I are getting married in Mexico in a few months. We are fortunate that many of our friends will be able to join us. Unfortunately, the majority of our extended families will not be able to attend. We will be legally married in California before traveling to Mexico, so we thought it would be a good idea to have some kind of a pre-wedding ceremony with our families to commemorate signing the marriage certificate and make them feel like they are part of the wedding. We don't want to say or vows or otherwise duplicate the ceremony in Mexico. Does anybody have any ideas of how we could make this pre-wedding event special, but not take away from our "real" wedding in Mexico?

Thanks so much for your help!

MyNameIsNot · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pre-destination-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:996bd136-1a58-4df1-ba7b-68c9d80d3030Post:f82d0266-f8c0-4b9f-9dd1-270bdabbc721">Pre-Destination Wedding Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Everybody, My fiance and I are getting married in Mexico in a few months. We are fortunate that many of our friends will be able to join us. Unfortunately, the majority of our extended families will not be able to attend. We will be legally married in California before traveling to Mexico, so we thought it would be a good idea to have some kind of a pre-wedding ceremony with our families to commemorate signing the marriage certificate and make them feel like they are part of the wedding. We don't want to say or vows or otherwise duplicate the ceremony in Mexico. Does anybody have any ideas of how we could make this pre-wedding event special, but not take away from our "real" wedding in Mexico? Thanks so much for your help!
Posted by jordansblum[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The real wedding is the one where you get married. The one in Mexico will be fake.</div><div>
</div><div>Inviting people to two different ceremonies is overkill. Invite people to either the wedding or the vow renewal. Both is too much.</div><div>
</div>

AdeleDazeem · December 2011

This is why we chose a destination location where the marriage when legally performed there was valid everywhere.

Your California signing of the papers is your REAL and legal wedding. You can invite people, I suppose, but it feels a little like "Oh? You couldn't pay to witness our 'ceremony' in Mexico? Then you can watch us write our names down on this piece of paper." It seems like a consolation prize. I know you don't mean it that way, but I think it's better to just do the paperwork without any fanfare.

RyansBelovedBride · December 2011

I'm in a similiar situation. Well, I hope to be. My fiance is Indian, and I'm moving to India. But pretty much none of my family and friends can afford to go to the otherside of the world, or his to my side. So we're hoping to do an unofficial wedding here with my family, and then have the legal wedding with his family in India. We don't know if we can afford both though, but if we can't, we're going to have a vow renewal in the future for the American guests.

Don't let anyone get you down. Know your people. My family and friends WANT to be there for me in at a celebration for this time in my life. I'd say just have a casual barbeque or something informal but fun... though I'd suggest you do it after your wedding, not before (assuming you're not moving to Mexico and will be coming back) but that's just my preference.

My aunt and her late husband got married in Hawaii, just the two of them, and then a few weeks later we had a huge shindig in my grandparent's yard and a vow renewal in the church. She didn't wear her dress to the vow renewal because she'd read somewhere (like the knot) that you don't get to wear it twice. My mom (her sister) and others were like "Oh! You should have worn the dress! We wanted to see it!" People who love you will be glad to celebrate your marriage with you (not to put up with weird bridezilla stuff, but kick back with food and/or drinks and admire your attire? Absolutely!) and anyone who sees it as a burden should just not come!

jemmini6 · December 2011

You can get legally married in Mexico, so I don't understand why you'd do it in CA beforehand.

Have your DW in Mexico, and then an at-home-reception for family that couldn't make it.

jashleya · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pre-destination-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:996bd136-1a58-4df1-ba7b-68c9d80d3030Post:0d351a08-0888-4d27-a664-f2bf27fa8f97">Re: Pre-Destination Wedding Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]You can get legally married in Mexico, so I don't understand why you'd do it in CA beforehand. Have your DW in Mexico, and then an at-home-reception for family that couldn't make it.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE

The only marriage ceremonies in Mexico that are considered legal are civil ceremonies performed at the Civil Register Office. In addition, blood tests and x-rays performed in Mexico, four witnesses, translated certified copies of birth certificates, and a three day waiting peroid are required.

It is very common for people to get legally married in the U.S. and then have a ceremony in Mexico.

Simply Fated · December 2011

Wouldn't it make more sense to have the ceremony and reception in California, then a honeymoon in Mexico? I just don't understand why you're just going through the motions in Mexico, but maybe I'm missing something here.

redheadfsu · December 2011

[QUOTE]The only marriage ceremonies in Mexico that are considered legal are civil ceremonies performed at the Civil Register Office. In addition, blood tests and x-rays performed in Mexico, four witnesses, translated certified copies of birth certificates, and a three day waiting peroid are required.

It is very common for people to get legally married in the U.S. and then have a ceremony in Mexico. [/QUOTE]

No, people have fake ceremonies because they are too lazy to follow the legal requirements in that country. She legally can get married in Mexico, but is <span style="font-weight:bold;">choosing</span> not too.

I got legally married in St. Lucia, because I wasn't going to have a fake wedding. I had to <span style="text-decoration:underline;">wait three days too</span>. So what? I followed the law, instead of having a fake wedding.

cshuler · December 2011

It seems that your wedding is in California and your renewal is in Mexico. To avoid duplication, I would suggest, saying your traditoinal vows in California and make-up your vows in Mexico. I am not sure about the pre-wedding ceremony statement when it is your legal wedding. It is your wedding, do what you want.

jashleya · December 2011

Or maybe they don't want to get married in a Mexican government office. I'd hardly call a meaningful promise to spend the rest of your life with someone anything fake. It is disrespectful.

DramaGeek · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pre-destination-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:996bd136-1a58-4df1-ba7b-68c9d80d3030Post:f8ad62c2-34f9-4198-bb0c-f74124c11089">Re: Pre-Destination Wedding Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you to those of you who actually responded with positive, helpful comments. To those of you who felt the overwhelming urge to write judgemental posts about "fake weddings" and "laziness," perhaps you should find another outlet in which to vent. A forum dedicated to helping people plan what should be <strong>the happiest day of their lives</strong> hardly seems like the place to spout your rhetoric or degrade other peoples' ideas. This will be my last post on this forum.
Posted by jordansblum[/QUOTE]

<div>Or, in your case, the happiest day<u>s</u>.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm with those who don't understand why you'd get legally married in the states with witnesses present - and by the way, you do essentially make a vow since you have to "<span style="color:#000000;font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;line-height:normal;white-space:pre;" class="Apple-style-span">declare, in the physical presence of the person solemnizing the </span></div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;line-height:normal;white-space:pre;" class="Apple-style-span">marriage and necessary witnesses, that they take each other as</span></div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;line-height:normal;white-space:pre;" class="Apple-style-span">husband and wife"</span></div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;line-height:normal;white-space:pre;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;line-height:normal;white-space:pre;" class="Apple-style-span">per California state law (Family Code section 420a) - and then do </span></div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;line-height:normal;white-space:pre;" class="Apple-style-span">it over again in Mexico. For all intents and purposes, the Mexico</span></div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;line-height:normal;white-space:pre;" class="Apple-style-span">ceremony will be a vow renewal. So, to answer your question, invite </span></div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;line-height:normal;white-space:pre;" class="Apple-style-span">your family that can't travel to Mexico to attend your wedidng, and </span></div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;line-height:normal;white-space:pre;" class="Apple-style-span">invite everyone else to the Mexico vow renewal.</span></div>

gananoque · December 2011

If you want to have your families with you when you get legally married in California, you should do so. Absolutely.

And you can make of it what you wish. But you should make sure that whatever you choose, you are being gracious hosts. So if you can't afford to really "host" everyone you might want to rethink. Depending on the time of day, maybe you can take everyone out for brunch or lunch or dinner. Maybe it's just tea and cake or cocktails. Maybe you find a way to bring a bottle of bubbly to the court house and have a toast and call it a day.

I don't see anything wrong with having different celebrations if that is what geography is dictating.

jordansblum · December 2011

Thank you to those of you who actually responded with positive, helpful comments. To those of you who felt the overwhelming urge to write judgemental posts about "fake weddings" and "laziness," perhaps you should find another outlet in which to vent. A forum dedicated to helping people plan what should be the happiest day of their lives hardly seems like the place to spout your rhetoric or degrade other peoples' ideas. This will be my last post on this forum.

AdeleDazeem · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pre-destination-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:996bd136-1a58-4df1-ba7b-68c9d80d3030Post:f8ad62c2-34f9-4198-bb0c-f74124c11089">Re: Pre-Destination Wedding Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you to those of you who actually responded with positive, helpful comments. To those of you who felt the overwhelming urge to write judgemental posts about "fake weddings" and "laziness," perhaps you should find another outlet in which to vent. A forum dedicated to helping people plan what should be the happiest day of their lives hardly seems like the place to spout your rhetoric or degrade other peoples' ideas. This will be my last post on this forum.
Posted by jordansblum[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry you feel that way, but people are really trying to point out something that is a problem. Like redhead, I didn't want my wedding in Bermuda to be a fake wedding where we had to do paperwork back in the US. It all felt like a farce because, well, it was. We checked and double checked the rules in Bermuda, followed them all, and therefore had only one legal ceremony and one wedding.

You are free to do as you wish, obviously. But you are asking people to travel to witness your "wedding." You could at least make it the real wedding or be very clear with everyone that it is really a vow renewal.

Good luck.

redheadfsu · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pre-destination-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:996bd136-1a58-4df1-ba7b-68c9d80d3030Post:f8ad62c2-34f9-4198-bb0c-f74124c11089">Re: Pre-Destination Wedding Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you to those of you who actually responded with positive, helpful comments. To those of you who felt the overwhelming urge to write judgemental posts about "fake weddings" and "laziness," perhaps you should find another outlet in which to vent. A forum dedicated to helping people plan what should be the happiest day of their lives hardly seems like the place to spout your rhetoric or degrade other peoples' ideas. This will be my last post on this forum.
Posted by jordansblum[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry to have been harsh.

But demeaning the real legal ceremony like you did is offensive. You realize that the JOP ceremony is real too right? Saying it is just something you are doing to get out of the way is very rude to those of us that had a JOP ceremony.

And you do have to say vows or the ceremony in California won't be legal.

pdpdf · December 2011

I am having two weddings, one in Long Island (civil ceremony) where I am signing all the paperwork and be legally married and then another in Ecuador in a church (you need to be legally married in Ecuador in order to do the religious ceremony) as a Catholic it is important to me to have the religious ceremony so at the end, it is possible to have two weddings. One is the legal one and the other one is what I consider in front of God, both of them totally legit and important from my point of view.

In Ecuador is tradition to have both celebrations and since that is my background I feel I am doing the right thing, so OP I would say do as your heart tells you to, it will be right for you and that is what it counts.

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