I was recently MOH at my BFFs wedding which required me to travel to the U.S. because I live out of the country currently. She asked me about dates before they chose one, I planned that month as my time home, and I gave her a heads up I might be bringing my FI with me (his first trip to the states) and then confirmed to her asap when we got his visa etc (it was a 5 month engagement, but she knew my FI was coming 2 months out). She was enthusiastic to meet him, and both she and her FI repeatedly told me how happy they were we would both be there. ANother BM was also +1, married, and mother to the FG, but the other 3 BMs came solo.
Fast forward to wedding week, I found a separate place for him to stay since I stayed with her at another BMs (it was a OOT wedding for the bride too) and I make my FI "absent" so I can do the girl things with her all week.
As we're getting dressed together for the rehearsal, she tells me that she really can't ask her F&MIL to pay for my FI to attend the rehearsal dinner with me but it's okay with her if I don't want to go without him and he and I could just do our own thing after the rehearsal. Awkward, to say the least. I didn't want to NOT be at her rehearsal dinner. I was taken aback but tentatively suggested that I could pay for him myself (it was at a restaurant) if that would be okay, while also offering to not go if it was not. She was like "Oh, that's great, just give me the money and I'll give it to them." So I handed her the money and tried to put aside the awkwardness and continue getting dressed for the dinner I now felt unwelcome at. We went to the dinner, which had no assigned seating arrangements, and it was all fine. The next day she handed me back the money and said, "They wouldn't accept this so it's fine."
So I guess I was wrong to not ask ahead of time if my FI was invited to the rehearsal dinner with me (the married BM's husband did come). It never occurred to me, honestly. But she told me he was not invited WHILE we were getting dressed! But then again, I love and know her enough to know she is not picky with etiquette.
So now it's my turn, she will be my BM and obviously I expect her husband to be there with her at both the rehearsal and the wedding, as with any other +1 ifor a bridal party member.
Thus my question: is there a way you should specifically invite your wedding party to come +1 to both events or is that normally assumed? I know I was wrong to not ask, but is there a general etiquette for the inviter as well?