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For those who don't consider a JOP to be a "real" wedding.....

GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
in Chit Chat

Read this letter in today's Dear Abby.  There is a reason why so many of us get upset when wives come here planning a PPD or a bride to be wants to elope and then have a "real" wedding.

ETA: Every time one someone takes the attitude that a JOP is not a real wedding, you are acting like the MIL in this woman's letter.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, the only girl and the youngest of my husband's siblings, is being married soon. We couldn't be happier. The problem is my mother-in-law. Anytime the subject of the wedding comes up and I chime in, she says, "How would you know? You didn't have a wedding."

My husband and I eloped six years ago. Since then, the subject of weddings has been a problem between my mother-in-law and me. In my opinion, I did have a wedding. There was a beautiful location, an officiant, a dress, and a commitment made between my husband and me.

She cont inues to make it painfully obvious that she feels it wasn't a valid wedding because she wasn't there. Her comments, in front of my husband and children, are insulting and hurtful.

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Re: For those who don't consider a JOP to be a "real" wedding.....

  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited June 2012
    It is a REAL wedding. You're legally married, therefore a wedding took place. Just because there wasn't 250 guests and an elaborate 5 course dinnre doesn't mean it wasn't real or just as special as anyone else's wedding.

    Edit: Monday morning brain fart.
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  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_for-those-who-dont-consider-a-jop-to-be-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:00d7589f-a13f-4ed3-a0d1-561aef2182b6Post:dbc5c88a-4bfc-4064-a648-2752eea567a2">Re: For those who don't consider a JOP to be a "real" wedding.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: For those who don't consider a JOP to be a "real" wedding..... : Reading comprehension fail!
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

    Lol.. yup. It's monday. I just caught that and was in the middle of editing my post.
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  • cwaggoner07cwaggoner07 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    This letter makes me sad for her. :(
    I looked up her response and I wish Abby would have addressed more of the issue of the JOP wedding, but her advice was great.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    This past weekend a good friend of mine Mother is insisting that she get married in a church.  My friend is going to speak with a church but is hesitant about it.  She said that if their requirements are crazy (like, they don't want her and her FI living together beforehand or her FI needs to be baptized or confirmed before) then she will just get married at the reception location and possibly ask Bob (a very good friend of ours who married H and I) to officiate the ceremony.  Her Mom just looked at her and said "No, we will need a real officiant to handle the ceremony".  I do not know how I didn't go off on her right then and there.  I wanted to know what she meant by a "real" officiant. 

    So does she think that just because H and I didn't get married in a church and our ceremony was performed by a friend who was ordained online isn't as "real" as her other daughter who was married in a full catholic ceremony?  I thought it was extremely rude and I was really offended but I just let it go because I know that I am married and just as married as anyone else no matter where their ceremony took place or who officiated it.

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  • semay23semay23
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_for-those-who-dont-consider-a-jop-to-be-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:00d7589f-a13f-4ed3-a0d1-561aef2182b6Post:3a46d8b7-9a29-4088-b016-06049459e7be">Re: For those who don't consider a JOP to be a "real" wedding.....</a>:
    [QUOTE] I wanted to know what she meant by a "real" officiant.<strong>  So does she think that just because H and I didn't get married in a church and our ceremony was performed by a friend who was ordained online isn't as "real" as her other daughter who was married in a full catholic ceremony?</strong>  I thought it was extremely rude and I was really offended but I just let it go because I know that I am married and just as married as anyone else no matter where their ceremony took place or who officiated it.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    As someone who was raised Catholic, it breaks my heart that the Church will not "recognize" my upcoming wedding, which is taking place outside. I just don't get why people think that if someone don't follow their view of what a ceremony should look like, that it makes the couples vows (and paperwork) any less valid.
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  • MrsKathyCMrsKathyC
    1000 Comments First Anniversary
    Having a JOP doesn't mean there isn't a rehearsal, ceremony & a reception.  Ours was every bit a "real" wedding but our officiant was a JOP, because neither of us believe in organized religion.

    I think a lot of people that make those kind of posts are referring to eloping, and are just using the wrong terminology.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_for-those-who-dont-consider-a-jop-to-be-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:00d7589f-a13f-4ed3-a0d1-561aef2182b6Post:c1a5e789-dd06-4300-a694-0248111803a1">Re: For those who don't consider a JOP to be a "real" wedding.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: For those who don't consider a JOP to be a "real" wedding..... : An elopement is every bit as real as a JOP wedding or a big affair.
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

    **Nods head in agreement**

    If at the end of the day you have a signed marriage certificate then your wedding was real whether it goes by certain people's standards/traditional views or not.  Anyone to say otherwise are biotches.

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  • Bkseller13Bkseller13 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    In Colorado, you don't even need an officiant; you can solemnize your own vows.  Ours was a real wedding and I even have a recorded marriage license to prove it!
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  • MrsKathyCMrsKathyC
    1000 Comments First Anniversary
    edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_for-those-who-dont-consider-a-jop-to-be-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:00d7589f-a13f-4ed3-a0d1-561aef2182b6Post:a5d9af8c-1d83-405b-9c55-4f81e170bca9">Re: For those who don't consider a JOP to be a "real" wedding.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: For those who don't consider a JOP to be a "real" wedding..... : **Nods head in agreement** If at the end of the day you have a signed marriage certificate then your wedding was real whether it goes by certain people's standards/traditional views or not.  Anyone to say otherwise are biotches.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    I agree.  What I was trying to say was that the people who post they got married at a courthouse or where ever & then want a real wedding later are (among other things) confusing their terminology.
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  • kate&cor2012kate&cor2012 member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_for-those-who-dont-consider-a-jop-to-be-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:00d7589f-a13f-4ed3-a0d1-561aef2182b6Post:feaa66c5-10fe-499b-9991-ee6e18c4376e">Re: For those who don't consider a JOP to be a "real" wedding.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: For those who don't consider a JOP to be a "real" wedding..... : As someone who was raised Catholic, it breaks my heart that the Church will not "recognize" my upcoming wedding, which is taking place outside. I just don't get why people think that if someone don't follow their view of what a ceremony should look like, that it makes the couples vows (and paperwork) any less valid.
    Posted by semay23[/QUOTE]

    My mother wasn't allowed to marry my father in the Catholic church because she had a previously anulled wedding and a baby. It's really sad and backward, sometimes life happens!
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  • Manny85Manny85 member
    First Comment
    This post caught my interest seeing as this is the very route that i'm taking in a few months and already i've gotten three emails from family members telling me that I HAVE TO get my wedding blessed or done by a priest. it makes me angry and sad at the same time.
     IMO and its my wedding, my beliefs and the rest of my life, also a wedding and the resulting marriage have full blessing in the eyes of God regardless of whether there was a religious officiant involved or not. Most people with the above mentioned attitude need to understand that it will always be more about the two people involved and them wanting to commit to each other than how they do it.



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