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Texas-Dallas and Ft. Worth

Wording for a family get-together

Okay, this is really an etiquette question, but I'm a little leery of the E board.

My cousin spearheaded the idea of a dinner with family and close friends to celebrate her pregnancy, her sister's engagement, and my engagement. This part is all good, especially since we have a pretty big family and rarely get to see everyone in one place.

However, she sent me a draft of the invite. There are a few glaring etiquette issues, and for at least one of them, I'm not sure how to resolve it. I'd rather have some ideas to share with her when I give her my feedback, rather than just saying I think it's wrong as it is.

First (and biggest) issue: The line "Each family will purchase their own meals." Like I said, we have a big family, so I'm not opposed to the idea of everyone going Dutch in order to faciliate seeing each other, but I'm not sure of the best way to include the information, and how that might change other wording, since no one is really "hosting" in this case.

Second issue: "Gifts are welcome, but not required. Your presence is the best gift of all!" and my cousin's baby registry information at the bottom. I don't think gifts should be mentioned at all (and they're never required!). We certainly don't expect people to buy their own food and then provide gifts for 3 occassions as well. I'd just like the chance to see everyone. I know since my cousin is out of state, she probably won't have the chance to have an actual baby shower with family. I'd really prefer to just have people ask our parents for more information if they really do want to bring something. If we don't say anything on the invite, will people feel obligated to bring gifts?

Whew, this has gotten long! TIA to anyone who made it all the way through and for any suggestions.
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Re: Wording for a family get-together

  • cwaggoner07cwaggoner07 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2012
    I think it's proper etiquette to put simply 'Dutch Treat' on the invitation (someone correct me if I'm wrong).

    And I wouldn't put a WORD on there about a gift for anyone. If they want to bring a gift, they will ask about registries. And if they don't bring one and then realize they won't be attending a shower, they can still send a gift. I think in general when you're having a Dutch celebration, you can't expect gifts. People are already paying to come and have a dinner.

    Overall I think the celebration sounds like a great idea, and if someone brings a gift, they are certainly within their right to do so.

    ETA: If you're going to a restaurant, call ahead and see if you can get a private room. I know a lot of restaurants have a room you can reserve if you just ask.
  • Thanks so much! I completely agree with everything you said. I was cringing at the invite, and all its mentions of gifts, as it is. I also thinking including something like "Dutch celebration" sounds much better in general.
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  • Dear cousin, I am not really comfortable with putting any mention of gifts on the invitation.  Let's just focus on the celebration and being together.  When your baby shower is announced, it will be totally appropriate to then list your registry information, however, it is not appropriate here."

    I've done a couple of parties where everyone was expected to pay.  For one party, we had a set menu and I listed the menu and "Cost with drinks with tip will be $24 per person." or something.  The second time, I just listed the restaurant's website.  I think it will be understood that for a group of that size, it is not being hosted. 

  • I agree with Carrie and Stephie's suggestions. That is all. :)
    Anniversary
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