Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding."

[Deleted User] · December 2012

When I'm bored at work, I read back letters of Dear Prudie. I ran across this <---(click) one, and I sort of don't know if I agree.

We always give the advice to the brides that they must invite the SO. What if the situation was reversed? I feel like I'd say "stay at home." But I'm a spiteful biiitch.

Jen4948 · December 2012

We would have told the bride in this situation to invite her stepmother and half-siblings because she's being a biiitch not to-especially since they had nothing to do with her parents' divorce.

Even if the stepmother had been "the other woman" we would have given that advice.

[Deleted User] · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dear-prudie-advice-daughter-excludes-my-wife-from-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:232e0ed4-fcbd-4a04-a1b3-fd2c1e31d8bcPost:5ec47f43-d04a-4403-9c35-9f33dbdec2ba">Re: Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding."</a>:
[QUOTE]We would have told the bride in this situation to invite her stepmother and half-siblings because she's being a biiitch not to-especially since they had nothing to do with her parents' divorce. Even if the stepmother had been "the other woman" we would have given that advice.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Exactly. But then, what if this guy would have come on here? Would we have said the same as Prudie? To still go without the spouse and kids?</div><div>
</div><div>I feel like I would have said "don't go, your daughter is a biiitch."

</div>

QueerFemme · December 2012

oh yeah... I'm a huge bitchhhh. then too. Cuz, I would tell Dad to stay home and, if he was consider contributing financially, pull all funding.

[Deleted User] · December 2012

And holy crap <---(click)

I feel like that is so one-in-a-million that it almost has to not be true. And if it is, I can't even begin to put into words how I feel.

Simply Fated · December 2012

Oh my goodness, Domino, I do the same thing at work!

The incestuous one is real, she contacted him and everything.
Here is a follow-up... clicky

As far as the father attending without his wife and the kids...
I would tell him that while she is completely in the wrong, he shouldn't cut ties with her starting with her wedding. Down the road, if she does come around, he'll regret not attending. It is a once in a lifetime chance to see your daughter get married. I don't see it on the same line as most other people who don't allow SOs.

One important thing, though... Prudence says this..
"But after the wedding, invite both your grown daughters out to dinner and explain that they are adults now and need to start acting like it."
I would say that he should have a sit down with his daugthers before the wedding.

Jen4948 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dear-prudie-advice-daughter-excludes-my-wife-from-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:232e0ed4-fcbd-4a04-a1b3-fd2c1e31d8bcPost:e5d95bd9-7e48-48f7-a609-564f4670e647">Re: Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding."</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding." : Exactly. But then, what if this guy would have come on here? Would we have said the same as Prudie? To still go without the spouse and kids? I feel like I would have said "don't go, your daughter is a biiitch."
Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]

You and many others would certainly have said that. Others would have fallen on the line of "Yes, your daughter's being a biiitch, but go anyway by yourself-this isn't the occasion to draw the line."

[Deleted User] · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dear-prudie-advice-daughter-excludes-my-wife-from-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:232e0ed4-fcbd-4a04-a1b3-fd2c1e31d8bcPost:12a4528a-dab5-46cb-8599-f739f08bfaf0">Re: Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding."</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding." : You and many others would certainly have said that. Others would have fallen on the line of "Yes, your daughter's being a biiitch, but go anyway by yourself-this isn't the occasion to draw the line."
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I certainly don't envy that guy. I'm sort of like...I think I'd tell him to go, but a conversation NEEDS to happen shortly after the wedding. I don't know.

</div>

Jen4948 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dear-prudie-advice-daughter-excludes-my-wife-from-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:232e0ed4-fcbd-4a04-a1b3-fd2c1e31d8bcPost:062cfd4f-534d-4137-9e3a-252330d353fd">Re: Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding."</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding." : I certainly don't envy that guy. I'm sort of like...I think I'd tell him to go, but a conversation NEEDS to happen shortly after the wedding. I don't know.
Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]

I'd probably tell him the same thing. I don't know either...it doesn't seem to be a one-size-fits-all thing. I've read about a father who abandoned his wife, the MOB, two months before the wedding for another woman, whom he didn't bother introducing to the bride but still demanded that his daughter not only invite her but treat her as another MOB even though the bride didn't even know her.

In the situation in this Dear Prudie column, on the other hand, I'm closer to StageManager's opinion. I do think not inviting the stepmother is rude and a slap in the face, but still...I just don't know if I could advise the father not to go.

[Deleted User] · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dear-prudie-advice-daughter-excludes-my-wife-from-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:232e0ed4-fcbd-4a04-a1b3-fd2c1e31d8bcPost:b3924f3d-d041-41a9-9078-9f5cbd38e339">Re: Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding."</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding." : Why do you feel anything? They aren't hurting anyone and their relationship in no way affects your life. Who cares?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No--I mean I feel FOR them. First of all, what, like 1/10 people are gay, so it's statistically harder for them to find someone to date to begin with. Then, they find each other--brothers. Well, they COULD just move away and not tell non-family they are brothers. BUT THEY ARE TWINS. You can't ever just be in love in public.

</div>

mandi195 · December 2012

I don't buy it. The guy says he's been divorced from the mother for 5 years, yet he and the new wife have 6 and 4 year old children? Something doesn't sound right here. I don't see how the new wife had "nothing to do" with the divorce, yet there is a child here who was born a year before the divorce? I think dad's lying.

monkeysip · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dear-prudie-advice-daughter-excludes-my-wife-from-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:232e0ed4-fcbd-4a04-a1b3-fd2c1e31d8bcPost:cb5537c7-2c84-40d1-b471-101907302c10">Re: Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding."</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't buy it. The guy says he's been divorced from the mother for 5 years, yet he and the new wife have 6 and 4 year old children? Something doesn't sound right here. I don't see how the new wife had "nothing to do" with the divorce, yet there is a child here who was born a year before the divorce? I think dad's lying.
Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]

No... read it again. He says he HAD been divorced for 5 years (when he married Kate). He married Kate 10 years ago. So.... 15 years ago he got divorced.... 10 years ago he got remarried. 6 years ago they had their first child. Make sense?

TheShelley · December 2012

I read that as they NOW have 4 and 6 year old children. They were divorced for 5 years when they got married and have been married 10 years. Its now 15 years since the divorce.

Peledreamsofrain · December 2012

I dunno, I don't feel we're getting the whole story here. I would believe it if one daughter went total icequeen on the stepmom, but both of them? To such a degree? It takes fuel for that kind of hatefulness and spite.

I know I personally am a grudge-holder (personal flaw), and I wouldn't have been able to keep up so much spite in the face of this step-mother's apparent kindess. I smell something fishy here.

[Deleted User] · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dear-prudie-advice-daughter-excludes-my-wife-from-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:232e0ed4-fcbd-4a04-a1b3-fd2c1e31d8bcPost:cb98db33-131f-4150-8e36-312e03f207a8">Re:Dear Prudie advice:</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Dear Prudie advice: : Ah, got it. Sorry for the incorrect assumption!
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Don't worry about it. MOST people probably feel the way you assumed I did because it's a bunch of taboos rolled into one. Although, really, is being gay a taboo? I feel like in my backwards area of the US it still is, but I roll my eyes at that. </div><div>
</div>

[Deleted User] · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dear-prudie-advice-daughter-excludes-my-wife-from-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:232e0ed4-fcbd-4a04-a1b3-fd2c1e31d8bcPost:6be27f54-4dea-4821-84a7-37a82e3849a8">Re: Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding."</a>:
[QUOTE]I dunno, I don't feel we're getting the whole story here. I would believe it if one daughter went total icequeen on the stepmom, but both of them? To such a degree? It takes fuel for that kind of hatefulness and spite. I know I personally am a grudge-holder (personal flaw), and I wouldn't have been able to keep up so much spite in the face of this step-mother's apparent kindess. I smell something fishy here.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I kind of do agree that there is probably more to the story--I mean, maybe it was a bad divorce or the girls felt replaced by the "new family"--but then again, sometimes, people are just LIKE that. We get people coming onto the boards all the time saying their mother can't be in the same room with their father--and they've been divorced for 20 years. </div><div>
</div><div>Then again, my parents were divorced, and even as a kid, I knew it was for the best and was upset, obviously, but didn't want them to stay together. And later on, my dad moved in across the street from my mom and they were best friends. So. Not the norm as far as divorces go.

</div>

erinlin25 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dear-prudie-advice-daughter-excludes-my-wife-from-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:232e0ed4-fcbd-4a04-a1b3-fd2c1e31d8bcPost:9c1f1217-db6f-46bd-83b5-915f5a94cfff">Re: Dear Prudie advice: "Daughter Excludes My Wife From Her Wedding."</a>:
[QUOTE]And holy crap <---(click) I feel like that is so one-in-a-million that it almost has to not be true. And if it is, I can't even begin to put into words how I feel.
Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]

OMG! Now that is definitely something you do not read everyday. I really do not know what to think of it!

[Deleted User] · December 2012

Where's NYU? I really thought she would come in here and tell us the Dirty Hoar should not be invited. Unless that was Thurman. I get the two mixed up.

GUYS WHAT IF THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON?

KellyBrian2013 · December 2012

In Response to Re:Dear Prudie advice: :[QUOTE]Where's NYU? I really thought she would come in here and tell us the Dirty Hoar should not be invited. Unless that was Thurman. I get the two mixed up.nbsp;GUYS WHAT IF THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON? Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]

It's crossed my mind on more than one occassion... but Thurman disappears too easily when you call her out on being wrong. If she were NYU, she'd stick around and argue circle logic until you want to punch yourself.

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