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Looking for advice...

LindseyB2013LindseyB2013
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in Students
Let me start off saying I had no clue where to post this. I am looking for advice on the subject.

A bit of history on us: we have been dating for 4 years and am not planning on getting married till 2013 (another 3 years). We are currently attending a community college, plan to get married out of community college then go on to a four year university.

The more and more we look into universitys, it looks like we might not be able to attend the same schools. To put it plainly, the schools might be 4 hours apart. The reasoning: not because of different majors (as our majors are very similar: Digital Design (me) and Graphic Design (him)), but because of his band. He is in a band that is actually doing very well and doesn't want to make a 4 hour drive to practice (understandable). The only thing, there is only one school close that offers my degree (otherwise the other option is the one 4 hours away). The only problem is it's EXTREMELY expensive. I don't want us to be newley-weds and attending colleges that are 4 hours apart from each other, but I have no clue where to compromise on this. Any suggestions? If you need anything cleared up, just let me know. Thanks!
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Re: Looking for advice...

  • LindseyB2013LindseyB2013
    First Comment
    We are trying to get grants, but most likely we will have to go on loans. I don't want really heavy loans though... I don't want to be paying for a really expensive college when I will need to save up for a house, kids, etc.
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  • Karebear852k3Karebear852k3
    1000 Comments
    It sounds like you and your FI may have to prioritize...is the band so important to him that he would put aside his education at a school 4 hours away?  Is education so important that you would stand to be apart for that long if you didn't go to school together?  Is education important enough to face the burden of loans?  Will your majors earn you enough money to handle loans?

    Sounds like a good old fashioned pro-con list maybe?
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  • blynngblynng
    10 Comments
    My advice is going to sound harsh, but if neither of you is willing to compropimse, maybe you should wait till you have both finished your degrees at the 4 year college before you get married
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  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_looking-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:3baaecf8-e0a5-4eae-a550-ed10b784759cPost:302d3c54-6ac7-4634-90cb-afff50adb584">Re: Looking for advice...</a>:
    [QUOTE]My advice is going to sound harsh, but if neither of you is willing to compropimse, maybe you should wait till you have both finished your degrees at the 4 year college before you get married
    Posted by blynng[/QUOTE]

    This. LDRs are hard enough. Don't do an LDM. You're asking for a lot of trouble and headache.
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_looking-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:3baaecf8-e0a5-4eae-a550-ed10b784759cPost:a98549ea-1a9a-4157-a887-1fa16ca52322">Re: Looking for advice...</a>:
    [QUOTE]It sounds like you and your FI may have to prioritize...<strong>is the band so important to him that he would put aside his education at a school 4 hours away?  Is education so important that you would stand to be apart for that long if you didn't go to school together? </strong> Is education important enough to face the burden of loans?  Will your majors earn you enough money to handle loans? Sounds like a good old fashioned pro-con list maybe?
    Posted by Karebear852k3[/QUOTE]

    This and

    [QUOTE]My advice is going to sound harsh, but if neither of you is willing to compropimse, <strong>maybe you should wait till you have both finished your degrees at the 4 year college before you get married</strong>
    Posted by blynng [/QUOTE]

    This.

    You two are really going to need and sit down and discuss your priorities:

    -your relationship (and the possibility/importance of marriage)
    -his band
    -your schooling

    Figure out which ones come first. One or two of them is going to need to be cut to make this work.

    A couple thoughts:
    -how serious is his band? Does he see it as a possible career? Can he make money off of it? Or is it more like a serious hobby?
    -can either of you put off school for a while? Do you want to do this?
    -if you're in community college right now, I'm guessing you're fairly young. I'm guessing you're in your first year? (I have no idea, sorry) If you waited to finish school first, that would be another 7 years. So if you're 20 ish now, that would make you 27, give or take. Honestly, that isn't "so old" to get married.
     
    I know waiting is frustrating, but it is a possible option. Do consider it seriously. Consider all of your options seriously, and you will need to postpone or cut out one of these things.
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  • MarciaJoAnnMarciaJoAnn member
    First Comment
    Some more questiions to think about...

    1) How long will you be in community college?
    2) How long will it take to get your degree after the community college credits are applied to the university?
    3) How long can we wait to get married/how much debt could we handle? etc.


    My fiance and I are getting married in 2013 too.  We are sophomores at a 4 yr institution.  We have had similar discussions.  We decided that we could not afford to get married because not only would we have to for a house, bills, etc, we would have to take on the burden of paying for school. 

    I know exactly how it feels, but you and you guys will just have to talk about and decide what is right for you.

    Good Luck!!

     
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  • Beads921Beads921 member
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    I agree with what Bren said (and lots of other people, I just like how she put it), but also want to add:

    I know it's important to plan for the future, but if you're still 3 years out from graduating, a lot can change in that time (I'm thinking most specifically about his band; ie they won't still be playing by then). Schools also add new programs all the time. I dunno, I think you might be worrying a bit too far in advance here, but that's just me, I kinda live by the seat of my pants. 
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  • singingjessi14singingjessi14 member
    10 Comments
    My fiance and I have been dating for seven and a half years (been together since high school) and are finally getting married in Febraury. The reason we waited so long is because we have both been in school, and we wanted to wait for one of us to be done with school before we get married (I will be done in December). Sometimes, the best option (as hard as it may be) is to wait.

    However, it may work to live in between the two schools and commute, particularly if you can work your schedule so you only go two or three days a week.

    I would definetly sit down and have a talk with your fiance. Is there any way his band can meet somewhere in the middle and practice? My fiance has been driving an hour and a half one way every week to rehearsals for the group he sings with because it is that important to him, but so is school.
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