Married "out of the house"

amandamrusso · January 2012

Hi All,

I had a really interesting conversation with my dad yesterday where he expressed his deep concern about me not "getting married out of the house." I had no idea what he meant by this expression. He continued to tell me that it is traditional for the bride to sleep at the house she grew up in the night before the wedding and get dressed for the wedding in the house. It is clear that this is a really big deal for my dad and will be just as much of a way to honor him as letting him walk me down the aisle. I tried to do some more research on the concept through friends and online, in effort to understand him better. I can't find anything.

Have any of you guys heard about this idea? Could you explain it to me? What are your thoughts on it!

Thanks in advance for your help!

Amanda

MelissaC315 · January 2012

Well back in the day, people married young. So when a young woman got engaged (and then married) she was still living at home. So she slept in her room as usual the night before and then moved into her husband's home after the wedding.

cebrady89 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_married-out-of-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:6de566fd-7721-408d-aa3c-6bde7e2a2b44Post:0ac1f0ba-4a29-4167-aad7-abbe6a7dd4ef">Re: Married "out of the house"</a>:
[QUOTE]Well back in the day, people married young. So when a young woman got engaged (and then married) she was still living at home. So she slept in her room as usual the night before and then moved into her husband's home after the wedding.
Posted by MelissaC315[/QUOTE]

<div>Precisely. I'm getting married young, so this is kind of my situation. </div><div>
</div><div>If it's important to your dad that you spend the night at the house you grew up in, I see no reason why you shouldn't. It's kind of sweet that he wants you to be there for your last "single" night :)</div>

jemmini6 · January 2012

I've only heard of it when the bride actually still lives with her parents until the wedding...and that's just because it's where she lives, not really because of a special tradition (that I know of).

aragx6 · January 2012

If it's important to your dad, this sounds like a nice thing to do. I'm not sure where you were planning to get ready at, but that's one thing I wouldn't be willing to budge on. My venue includes a gorgeous room to get ready in that has room for everyone and will make for beautiful pictures.

ElleB87 · January 2012

It's up to you what you want to do. Like Melissa said, back in the day people got married very young and didn't live away from home prior to marriage. It's been a long time since those days so it's no longer "tradition" in North America (although it is still common in other countries).

Avion22 · January 2012

If you live at home, or staying at your childhood home is an option, then I don't see why you shouldn't just go ahead and make Dad happy and stay at home.

However, you might not want to have a TON of other random crap going on at the house while you're stressing about a wedding. It might be really distracting if your mom and dad want to put up a zillion out-of-town relatives, which means you'll be sharing your room with cousin Suzie, and a dozen people will all need to shower in the hall bathroom on the morning of the wedding.

MrsMack10612 · January 2012

That's a fine tradition if it's plausible. I don't have a house where I grew up. We moved around a lot when I was a kid and between birth and now I'ved lived in 10 different places.

ETA: Oh and I'm older so it's not like I'm "daddy's little girl".

Gabrielle76 · January 2012

I think it's a sweet custom, go for it if it's important to your dad, and plausible for you.

I'm planning on staying over and getting ready at my childhood home, and my mom is already talking about how she's going to change around my old bedroom (which she and my dad now use, long story) to make it pretty for pictures (I didn't ask her to do that, she's just like that

)

rlavach · January 2012

Agree with the PP. I've also seen plenty of brides who've already moved out do the day-of changing/prep at their parents house. Perhaps this could be a good compromise. You don't have to sleep there, but you can get ready there. If it's that important to him, you might want to consider it.

FWIW, I'm relatively young & still live home. I'll be sleeping there for the night, like always, and then getting ready at a close friend's. Her home is enormous & beautiful. Much better for pictures & multiple people running around.

amandamrusso · January 2012

Thanks for the advice ladies. The catch here is that I live in LA and the house I grew up in is in NY. I am hoping to have an LA wedding but one of my dad's big arguements for a NY wedding is so I can get "married out of the house." I certainly want to honor him by doing this if possible so it was helpful to hear your input.

MyNameIsNot · January 2012

While it's a cute tradition, the location of your wedding should depend on your guests, finances, and a number of other factors. Don't get married in NY just for this tradition.

skantrowitz · January 2012

This is sweet. If you decide to get married in New York, definitely do it. If you have your heart set on LA or it's the only thing that's feasible, I think your dad will understand.

Magdala9 · January 2012

I moved out of my parents house at 22. When I got married last year at 41, I spent the night before the wedding sleeping in my old bedroom at Mom & Dads. Having breakfast with them the morning of the wedding was a bit of calm before the chaos of our wedding day.

kimiandgary · January 2012

I love this tradition. We tried to keep it in mind when selecting our venue so it would be plausible, but it wasn't a deal breaker. Works out that our venue is close enough to home that I will be able to be there the night before and my groom in a hotel.

Keep your dad in mind, but don't completely change plans. Basically, I agree with PP

Bonzo2011 · January 2012

My dad wants me to spend the night before the wedding at my parents home too. For us it makes sense. FI and I live together, and it sounds like he and his groomsmen will stay at our apartment. We briefly talked about just staying together for that night, but when we realized I'd probably end up freaking out about random cleaning stuff because of the wedding day stress, we decided its better if I'm not at our apartment. I did have to talk to my mom about beds though. It used to be that when Grandma was in town, she'd take my bed and I'd sleep on the floor in my sisters's room. Not the night before the wedding! I always get a crick in my neck from sleeping on the floor, and I know I need to be well rested. I don't want to start my wedding day grumpy from aching all over!

SCogs18 · January 2012

I'm doing this but not because my dad asked me to. We live in Virginia and are getting married in my hometown in Raleigh. My FI will be staying at a neighbor's house or at the hotel with his groomsmen and I will be staying at my parent's house the night before the wedding.

ElisabethJoanne · January 2012

One more thing, this will probably be the first of many traditions you'll have to forego, reinvent, or embrace as various ideas come up from family, friends, and sometimes perfect strangers. Follow your instincts, make your decisions, then don't second-guess yourself.

2012FutureMrsB · January 2012

Perhaps your dad can get a hotel room in LA that has an extra room for you to sleep in the night before wedding? That would be a good compromise. You could get married in LA, but still be with your dad the night before/morning of the wedding.

maccor16 · January 2012

I am staying at my Dad's house the night of the wedding he didn't ask me to, Though if I was thinking of staying somewhere else he'd probably say stay at the house...My FI and I live an hr north and since we are getting married in our home town It makes sense for me to stay at my Dads and him at his parents house.

But I agree with pp that if you do get married in Ny stay at your Dad's.

mandctaft · January 2012

I may be staying at my parents house the night before, just because FI will probably be staying at our house, but I will not be getting ready there. They have two dogs and a cat that I'm surprised are not bald from all the shedding. So my dress will be kept very pet-hair-free somewhere else.