New York

nerves?

Anyone else before they got married getting nervous and ready for it to be all over with? I won't even talk wedding plans anymore. They make me cry I'm so frustrated with everything. FI is ready to call it off my family is driving me up a wall with everything.

I need a vaction. Anyone enjoy all of the wedding planning? And if so how? It's so nerve racking.

Re: nerves?

  • edited December 2011
    I just wanted to let you know that I read your original post last night but I was buried deep in bed and I cant comment using my phone.

    Your family sounds like work!I enjoyed some of the planning, but by the end I was 100% ready to just be done with it. Not all, but a handful of girls on here will fully admit to wanting to just get a JP and then celebrate in a smaller way after. Less hassle, less stupid people, less stress. But from what I hear youve got us beat with all of that!

    Personally, if I were dealing with your family, I would have snapped already. Its very true that if theyre paying then its their way, and the E-Board would fry me for this, but regardless of who is paying, it's still YOUR wedding. YOU still need to enjoy it and want (at least most) of what is happening and its rough and it sucks that your family isn't respecting that. My parents paid for mine and I fought for things I wanted and 9 times out of 10 my mother backed down b/c its what I wanted and it was my wedding. And when I say fought for I dont mean all out battle, more of a "I think you should..." "Yeah but I dont like that" kinda thing. I was a huge fan of the line "You had your wedding, I want mine" but not all parents respond to that. My mother won in little things like, my 9 yr old cousin coming despite my no kid rule. She was paying for him and she willingly took any blame for parents who wanted to bring kids but were told no then say him there.

    Honestly, your last post sounded soooo incredibly miserable and I honestly think that if this wedding is 75+% things youre not happy with, you and FI need to go to a JP and get married b/c the two of you want to be married without the hassle. This is YOUR lives, not theirs! If you and FI would both rather a simple JP ceremony b/c all that really matters is that you'll be married and together forever, then F your family and their craziness! Dont live miserably for fear of what your family will say. They'll get over it, and if they dont...you will still have the love of your life.

    People are inherently stupid. Weddings make it painfully obvious -- KevinandMonica
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  • raes19raes19 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I know how you feel. At this point, I'm so ready for the wedding to be over with and just want to be on the honeymoon. But the next month will fly by for you, so it will all be over before you know it. Just make sure to make some time for yourself and unwind a little bit when things are getting overwhelming.
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  • AllgaierAllgaier member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ah I didn't think anyone read it due to it being so late last night. And then I felt stupid and like a brat for posting it.

    I usually don't talk about wedding stuff, stopped coming around because it just makes me sad. I've givin up with the fighting on things I want. I kept trying like stupid things FI and I wanted an ice cream cake instead of a real big cake. Since we wanted it small not everyone I've ever known since I came into this world plus all my parents friends who I've never met. They think the wedding and them staying for the after, after party is a GREAT time to meet and bond. But nope i was told get your cake on your own time. My mother said even I'm not getting my cake topper because I want it simple so were only doing cupcakes. So now I take it even my aunts are annoyed with me.

    They really want this to be a special time and a great time. And I just don't even want to show up. I know the e-board fried me a few times saying I should pay. Well yeah I have no problem with that! But then I'd do it my way and my family would be pissed forever and say I wasn't married, it's not real. I really have no desire to go through that again. I did once with my first dh like I posted before I'm still hearing about it.

    I don't even want to go to the after party.

     I just feel like I'm hitting a brick wall left & right. I really should talk to him about just going to a JP and see what he says. My family will not have anything nice to say if we did it that way. I'm sure I'd get plently of nasty phone calls and letters. I do try to call my family not just my mother but aunts Grandmother as well and tell them why I'm so upset but they just ingore it. I always get the "Well we want..." I know this is going to sound a little bitvhy but sometimes I want to say what about what I want?

    And then it's back to head meet wall.
  • edited December 2011
    Its not biitchy at all. Its YOUR wedding and YOUR marriage. It needs to be all about what YOU want. (And of course You = You & FI). I dont know how you do it.

    If you want my 100% honest advice...go to a JP with your FI. Tell your family afterward. Screw the phone calls and nasty letters. Send the letters back, ignore the calls and emails. Let them know you did things your way, without the BS and when they can accept that, then you'll start acepting their calls again. You and FI should not cancel a wedding b/c of this BS. This is your life and you should NEVER have to feel this horrible about it b/c its not what other people want for you. Let them have what they want, in their lives, not yours.

    People are inherently stupid. Weddings make it painfully obvious -- KevinandMonica
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  • Happily9Happily9 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You're not alone....I HATE WEDDING PLANNING....and have for the entire 10 months!!!!!!!!!
  • sbolger17sbolger17 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sorry about all the stress.  That really sucks.  My situation was pretty different from yours because I planned almost everything myself, but I was pretty stressed from about 6 weeks out until 2 weeks out when I became much calmer.  So maybe you'll feel better soon; part of it is just the looming wedding nerves!
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  • edited December 2011
    Sorry this is not fun for you.  Personally, I had moments where I wanted to just elope, but overall I enjoyed it and wish I could do it again.  The last few weeks were crazy, sure... but nothing like you are dealing with.

     I still have to stand by the he who pays, says, line... BUT... if this is absolutely not what you want and would be willing to pay for what you want, then I would probably say "screw it" at this point and do what makes you and your Fi happy.  It really doesn't sound like you want any part of this mess at all... why torture yourself?  Most girls seem to want the big pretty princess day... their way... and want mom and dad to pay for it without complaint... and I think that's when the pays/says line truly applies.  If the $$ people have certain opinions (use this photog or this cake)... then it really is their cash, their call.  But if you don't want to do any of it at all, and the thought of just showing up makes you gag... this probably won't go well, even if you go along with it.

    You may end up spending a lifetime wishing you did it your way.

    You mentioned nasty letters and calls, but would it be any worse than what you are dealing with now?  That's something only you can answer, but I think that answer would tell you a lot about the right decision to make.

    ((hugs))... hoppe things get better.
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