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Marriage Prep through the Military Archdiocese? HELP!

CaitlinTereseCaitlinTerese
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in Military Brides
So my FI is set to start AFI in Pensacola in the next week. He was talking to his CO about geting a chit to fly back here in 6 weeks for our marriage retreat (which we have not yet registered for) and she basically told him no, that when she was planning her wedding in Chicago while she was stationed in FL and she did all of her marriage prep and everything there, through the military archdiocese. So she wants us to do the same. Boo!

Does anyone know anything about how we can go about handling all this? Because we're having a full Catholic mass we need to do a slew of things for the prep, which we've been given resources for here, in MN. He's going to talk to the base chaplain, but does anyone have any experience to point me in the right direction in the meantime?

Thanks!
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Re: Marriage Prep through the Military Archdiocese? HELP!

  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    That's really crappy - I think she sounds like a bit of a beyotch, to be honest.  Is the only reason she tuned it down because she thinks he should do it the way she did it?  Like, any sort of logistical issue? Is he entitled to the leave?

    How long will he be at AFI?  Any chance you can do a retreat afterwards before the wedding?

    Good luck!  Just talk to your pastor - I do know a few of the girls here are Catholic, so they should be able to help a bit with that.  You might want to check out the Catholic Brides board, too, as some of them have undoubtedly dealt with long distance for the pre-marital counseling.

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  • CaitlinTereseCaitlinTerese
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    We can do it later after AFI, but she said that she wouldn't approve anything at any time unless there was no way we could do it in FL.

    Thanks - I'll repost in the Catholic Brides board too!
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  • Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
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    Can someone explain what AFI is?
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  • CaitlinTereseCaitlinTerese
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    I can't remember exactly what it stands for, but it's the first training that pilots go through, and it lasts about two months. They do a series of training programs within the same location (for the most part) depending on what they're going to fly.
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  • IrishcurlsIrishcurls member
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    We did our Pre Cana at my parish in MD, and got married at a church in CT, so as far as different dioceses go, there's no issue. The priest you do it with will be in contact with the priest marrying you (or *you'll* be in contact, I did a lot of the legwork...) and they'll send your paperwork (generally a certificate saying you completed the program, pre-nuptiual investigation, any dispensations you need, etc) to the diocese that's marrying you. No big deal! GL!
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  • Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
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    I'd imagine that being an indoc course (I'm guessing the I is for indoc) he wouldn't want to, potentially, miss any of that course anyway.  It has always been my understanding that early classes can make or break you on what platform you get.  I can kind of understand why the CO wouldn't want to give him leave, even if it weren't for her experience.  I hope you get it all figured out though.  Good luck.
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  • kara811kara811 member
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    Nobody in flight school ever gets leave approved. It's really difficult actually unless around Christmastime. Our GM/H's cousin was in flight school during our wedding, he tried for MONTHS to get leave but they just wouldn't give it to him. It's hard to miss those classes. So no, the CO wasn't being a bitch. This is common. 
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  • CaitlinTereseCaitlinTerese
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    I just realized that it's not actually called AFI. I don't know why I wrote that. haha. It is an indoc course, and I totally understand why she doesn't want him to leave. I just don't know how to deal with doing it different from what we've been provided with - it's a bit confusing! Y'all are helping though!


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  • IrishcurlsIrishcurls member
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    This is maybe a silly question, but would you be traveling there for the Pre Cana? Unless you'll be there already? Either way I would definitely start seeing where the closest priest would be to where he'll be and email or just touch base with the secretary or whomever (I'm harping on priests being notoriously bad at getting back to people....haha you might get lucky though! :)) They do this all the time, and especially if you end up using the Military Diocese, they'll definitely be familiar with distance and timing so it might be easier!
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  • calindicalindi member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marriage-prep-through-the-military-archdiocese-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0d1bd0e-4b30-4300-8d14-b5a5170d8fb2Post:56e0f160-7ec1-4c2a-8a64-80ef59ab0dad">Re: Marriage Prep through the Military Archdiocese? HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Nobody in flight school ever gets leave approved. It's really difficult actually unless around Christmastime. Our GM/H's cousin was in flight school during our wedding, he tried for MONTHS to get leave but they just wouldn't give it to him. It's hard to miss those classes. So no, the CO wasn't being a bitch. This is common. 
    Posted by kara811[/QUOTE]

    It's not so much that she didn't grant leave as much as how it seems she said it.  I dunno, I guess she just didn't need to add the whole, "You should do it the way I did it, or else you can't do it at all."  She could have just been like, "Dude, you can't leave during AFI, but you can probably do something here in Florida or online or something.  I did it this way, if you wanted to try that?"  I dunno, just how it was re-stated (even if that's not how the CO originally said it) seems bitchy.

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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marriage-prep-through-the-military-archdiocese-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0d1bd0e-4b30-4300-8d14-b5a5170d8fb2Post:7c3f157f-1571-4cfa-8da9-e3f4959a88da">Re: Marriage Prep through the Military Archdiocese? HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Marriage Prep through the Military Archdiocese? HELP! : It's not so much that she didn't grant leave as much as how it seems she said it.  I dunno, I guess she just didn't need to add the whole, "You should do it the way I did it, or else you can't do it at all."  She could have just been like, "Dude, you can't leave during AFI, but you can probably do something here in Florida or online or something.  I did it this way, if you wanted to try that?"  I dunno, just how it was re-stated (even if that's not how the CO originally said it) seems bitchy.
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>CO's don't sugarcoat things.  They have way more important things to do than sit there to sugar coat things for people to make sure they don't sound like a bitch.  And either way, I don't think it sounds bitchy.  Honestly I think it was pretty unreasonable to expect that they would let you leave any type of schooling or training for marriage prep classes.  Many times they won't even let you take leave for your wedding, so she honestly probably laughed at this request.  It's not being bitchy though, it's being realistic.  </div><div>
    </div><div>OP look into a priest who is willing to do classes through Skype, or each of you doing the work on your own.  As the CO said there are obviously chaplains and what not who have experience with it as well.</div><div>
    </div>
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  • calindicalindi member
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    I mean, after I re-read and realized it was a serious training program, I wasn't surprised she didn't give him the time off.  The way the OP made it sound was like "you have to do things the way I did them", but I can see how that would make sense if it was like, "I've been through that training and this is how I solved the problem..."  It's just not how it sounded to me on first read, but again, this is like a game of telephone at this point... CO told FI, FI told OP, OP told us... so I honestly have no idea how anyone said anything to anyone.  So just ignore me and carry on...

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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
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    In all honesty though, it's definitely not the best idea to get into the habit of calling CO's or any senior leaders bitches or assholes or anything similar.  You would be surprised at the amount of crap that gets back to them and comes back to bite your SM.
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  • kara811kara811 member
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    edited March 2012
    Ditto that Beach. Ive seen it happen at our old ship a lot. SMs can get in deep shiit.....
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  • AmandaSC1988AmandaSC1988 member
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    OP,

    FI and I have been long distance through this whole ordeal. But we made it happen. TALK with your parish priest (If you can get a hold of him), seriously...I don't normally pull out the Military card... I totally did for Pre-Cana. Here you have to meet with a couple every week for 8 weeks.. and then they highly suggest a weekend retreat. NO way on earth we would be able to do that... We talked with the priest and he was totally accommodating (Also, don't talk with the secretary, they are totally not helpful and just a pain) and offered to meet with us when he wouldn't normally meet with couples... Thanksgiving, Christmas....etc.

    Just keep in mind... the Priests WANT you to get married... they want to help you as much as they can...You just have to communicate your problems. 

    Good luck! And if I missed the "I'm new here" Post... Welcome!!
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  • meltoinemeltoine member
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    We did our marriage prep online because we were long distance at the time. Check and see if your diocese (the one you're getting married in) accepts this.
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