My Mother is Insane (rant)

stanzi113 · July 2011

Very long rant ahead. My mother is officially insane. I have 3 topics that have come close to bringing me to tears, and i dont know what to do about it. Up until this point i have expressed anger towards my dad, but i dont think i have adequately expressed just how much she has upset me.Tomorrow is the sit-down with him, but in the meantime i need to rant.My Dress
My dress has only been seen by immediate family members and one bridesmaid. The rule is, anyone coming to the wedding is not allowed to see the dress. So to prevent accidents and snoops, my mom has the dress at her house. Which is fine, she has more room for storage, and phil is less likely to go looking for something and run into it. However my alterations appointment is coming up so i told her i was going to come by and pick it up a couple days before. She said “No”, i said “Excuse me, what?”Apparently im not allowed to have my dress before the wedding because i will be too excited and immature and will show it to anyone around. Keep in mind, if i had been like this, i probably would have shown them one of the many pictures that have been in my possession since last november. She said tell her the time and place and she will meet me at the alterations appointment. The same woman that was an hour and a half late to the hour long cake

www.ravelry.com/images/emo/cake.png" alt="" /> tasting, and 3 hours late to crafty wedding day.Grandpa
I wouldn’t say my grandpa is senile, per say, but he is definitely batty, high maintenance, and has lost his brain to mouth filter. Sounds harsh, but its true :-/Either way, i have asked my cousin to “escort” him for the day and have seated them at the parents table. Upon hearing my plans my mom freaked out that i would make her sit with him. I tried to explain that he will be sitting at a table full of people who have never heard his stories before, plus ive already arranged for his escort to make run and get food and drinks for him and help him get from place to place (he uses a walker). She explained that she would like just one day where she doesnt have to put up with him and hear about how much he wishes my grandma was there. I get it, i really do, but I really would like for my grandpa to not be considered as a nuisance on my wedding day, and sit at the parents table.The Baby
My brother’s baby was just born and for obvious reasons (my first nephew) hes coming to the wedding. However, my brother is in the wedding and the mother is NOT invited. So i suggest to my mom that we figure out now who is going to hold and watch him during the ceremony. On the same evening where my mom said my grandpa was too much of a pain to even sit at the same table at dinner, my mom suggests she carry the baby. Down. The. Aisle. I tell her this is ridiculous, and she says, oh ok, dad can carry him behind her and her usher escort. Excuse me, but my dad is escorting someone else down the aisle. When asked what she will do if he cries, she said she will sit by the door and pop into the lobby. You can imagine how hurtful it is to be told by your mom that she would rather she get to hold her grandchild at my wedding and miss parts of it if he cries, rather than let someone else hold him.ugh

buckeyesweetz · July 2011

Awww..... try not to stress. I'm sorry that your mom is driving you nuts :-( I definitely agree that the dress thing is weird and unnecessary. I guess all you can do is hope she shows up on time? Still weird though, I can see why you would be upset about this.

I understand that you would be stressed about your grandpa as well, however I sort of see where your mom is coming from. If your grandpa is really that difficult to take care of, it may be a stressor for her to just be around him even if you have already asked other familiy members to help get drinks etc for him. My dad is getting older and has COPD, on oxygen, and needs a lot of help. The last family wedding that I took him to was very difficult and I was literally stressed out the whole time because of his requests and worrying about him. Even though other family members were helping out I still felt like it was my stress to try to handle (sounds crazy but that really is how it feels). I love my dad dearly, but it is hard on the main caregiver (if your mom is usually the one to help him do things). I definitely think that it would be good for him to sit with family he is familiar with though, so definitely just try to stress to your mom that other family has offered to help and she will not have to worry about him on her daughter's wedding day. I guess what I am saying is that I agree with you, but just trying to offer some insight as to what your mom might be feeling if she is that worried about it all.

And baby.... hmmm. I don't see any reason why baby can't sit with your parents in the front row, but maybe another family member can hold him just in case baby needs to be taken out due to crying etc.

Sorry you are stressed, and realize this probably isn't helpful, but hang in there, you'll be married soon!

montyandkellyski · July 2011

Maybe hire a babysitter to be in charge of the baby. That's what we are doing for my son. Granted, he'll be almost two and quite the hand full, a HUGE difference between an infant. It's hard for us, but we have to keep in mind that it is OUR day and our son gets every single other day since he has been born. It's not about the baby, it's about you and your husband. So definitely make arrangements so that the baby does not distract from your grand entrance.

As for the other stuff, sorry to hear your mom is driving you nuts. Just do what you want, it's your day and if someone special to you should be sitting at the Parents Table, tell your mom to suck it up. Is your grandpa your mom's father? If so, I would think any other arrangement to the contrary is silly. Tell her it's etiquette, lol.

stanzi113 · July 2011

We have volunteer babysitters already arranged that normally she would approve of. She doesnt care, she wants the baby that day, apparently for the attention since no one has met him yet. My father suggests waiting until closer to the date, then if she won't give in, he'll talk to her. As far as the grandpa thing: he's not sick, it's my dads father, and no one is his primary caretaker. We have an escort set up for him to help him to the buffet and so on. Shes being a little selfish on this point and hasn't even told my dad that she's insisting his father sit at an extended family table, not with his kids and grandson. And the dress thing, the day before the appointment I'm just going to go get it while she's not home.

MissOwl · July 2011

oh honey. that's awful. sounds like you have a handful. hope you have some resolution on some of that soon. we're hear for you!

jnkreager · July 2011

Oh no! I am so sorry. The last thing you need right now is extra, unecessary stress on your plate. Try not to stress too much about your dress situation. Sometimes moms never realize that we have grown up and still picture us as our idiot, 13-year-old selves. It stinks, but that is the way it is so don't let it get you down!

That is really crazy about your mom and the baby. It does not make any sense to me at all. I would just have whatever aunt/uncle/cousin/friend that first volunteered (or you saw first to ask) to be in charge of the baby during the ceremony. And after it was arranged, mention it to your mom in passing that it was all taken care of so she does not need to worry or stress about it. (It is absolutely not reasonable for your mom to think she can step out and miss part of your important day!)

No advice about your grandpa. :-/ that is a tough one.

My Mother is Insane (rant)

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