Adult Reception

jessmhickey · April 2012

So I have been telling everyone from the start, no kids allowed at the wedding, period. The only 2 I am allowing are my niece and nephew from my sister because they are IN the wedding, and will be going home with my grandmother after dinner. Here is the dilemma.

My grandmother worries about everything, even things that do not and should not concern her, she has always been like this about everything. My sister is getting married 2 months before me (She picked her date after I did) and so now my grandmother has so much more she worries about.

My cousin who I used to be very close to has been with the same person a couple of years now, and she has like 5 kids (A few she doesnt have custody of sometimes). They have been told numerous times that there are no kids allowed at the wedding, keep in mind I am gettin married in SEVEN months. They started compaining to my drama queen aunt that they aren't coming to the wedding because I am not allowing kids and they don't/can't get a babysitter because one kid (5) has severe ADHD (Yeah exactly what I want at my wedding) plus neither has a steady job.

She then goes to my grandmother who I never argue with and started her in on worrying about it. Now she is upset because it's "Family" and they sould be able to bring their family to a wedding and I shouldn't expect them to have to get a babysitter.

I'm irritated because not even a month ago both my cousin and his gf went out and got like $300 tattoos each and they are constantly posting on Facebook about going out and getting a babysitter. Should I just stick to my guns and say screw them for being so dramatic. I know if I allow one family to bring children I will get more requests pouring in, there's no where to draw the line.

I needed to vent, is anyone else dealing with this!

Maggie0829 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_adult-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a1b5f4b5-ac5c-4376-ae69-c7aebd5fa681Post:5934802c-367f-4ddf-9390-abb4e9590a65">Adult Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]So I have been telling everyone from the start, no kids allowed at the wedding, period. The only 2 I am allowing are my niece and nephew from my sister because they are IN the wedding, and will be going home with my grandmother after dinner. Here is the dilemma. My grandmother worries about everything, even things that do not and should not concern her, she has always been like this about everything. My sister is getting married 2 months before me (She picked her date after I did) and so now my grandmother has so much more she worries about. My cousin who I used to be very close to has been with the same person a couple of years now, and she has like 5 kids (A few she doesnt have custody of sometimes). They have been told numerous times that there are no kids allowed at the wedding, keep in mind I am gettin married in SEVEN months. They started compaining to my drama queen aunt that they aren't coming to the wedding because I am not allowing kids and they don't/can't get a babysitter because one kid (5) has severe ADHD (Yeah exactly what I want at my wedding) plus neither has a steady job. She then goes to my grandmother who I never argue with and started her in on worrying about it. Now she is upset because it's "Family" and they sould be able to bring their family to a wedding and I shouldn't expect them to have to get a babysitter. <strong> I'm irritated because not even a month ago both my cousin and his gf went out and got like $300 tattoos each and they are constantly posting on Facebook about going out and getting a babysitter.</strong> Should I just stick to my guns and say screw them for being so dramatic. I know if I allow one family to bring children I will get more requests pouring in, there's no where to draw the line. I needed to vent, is anyone else dealing with this!
Posted by jessmhickey[/QUOTE]

What they spend their money on is their business and has nothing to do with your decision.

This is what happens when you decide to have an adults only reception. Some people get upset and then decline the invitation.

If you truly do not want children at your wedding then you should stick to your guns. You are not doing anything wrong. As for your grandmother I would talk with her and tell her that the adult only reception was a decision you and your FI came to together and that the decision is final. You can't really stop your grandmother from worrying since she has been known to do this in the past but letting her know that the decision is final may stop her from hounding you.

QueerFemme · April 2012

You shouldn't care what they are or or not spending their money on... because in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter.

You don't want kids at your wedding. Whether they don't want to get a sitter, or can't afford a sitter, or are just pissed that you aren't including their kids is not important. The most important thing is, you don't want kids at your wedding, and if they are not comfortable with that concept, they don't have to attend your wedding.

Every time this topic comes up in the future, I would respond with "I'm sorry they won't be able to attend. We will miss seeing them". And move on. You don't have to give in to them just because they can't or don't want to attend without their children. They are making a choice not to attend a non-child friendly event... that isn't your responsibility.

Ashleigh828 · April 2012

Stick to your guns. I was dealing with something very similiar and just politely said "well this is the way we want it and that's the way it's going to be. We're sorry you've chosen not to attend and will miss you." It's your wedding and you are allowed to have it any way that you choose. Will you be heartbroken if they don't attend? My guess is no so don't waste anymore time on it. If your grandmother brings it up, just let her know that you've spoken to them and have let them know that their children are not welcome.

As PP's have said, what they spend their money on is their business. However, I feel your frustration! Again, something similar to what I am going through. It is frustrating to hear someone say "we don't have the money" when they turn around and (in my case) buy a boat (and can't spend $150 for a hotel room) but oh well. I was caught up in the drama of that for a while until I finally said "guess what?! I don't care." It's so much easier to just let it go. Send them an invitation and hope they don't come. (by the sounds of it, having them there might not be so pleasant. and they could be like my cousins and bring the kids anyway! - yeah, not to my wedding but to another cousin. so rude!)

In the end, no one will remember this drama and the focus won't be on this. but definitely stick to your guns! (unless they are paying, which I'm guessing they're not

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