Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it?

We worked for days setting up our wedding venue and spent so much money hoping to make it a lovely day for everyone, but now it all seems like a big waste.  Our ceremony was absolutely beautiful and after the relief of that we felt ready to celebrate so we ate and mingled and thought everyone was having a good time.  About an hour after eating people starting leaving.  We decided we should probably move on to the cake in hopes of keeping people there longer.  A half an hour after the cake cutting the father of the groom and his entire side of the family said they were going to head out.  Soon after that a few of the bridesmaids and groomsmen said they wanted to leave in order to get to the hotel pool before it closes.  Of course after people saw most of the wedding party leave they thought it was over and followed suit.  We kept telling people we will be having dancing but they didn't stay.  People came from so far away to only stay for 2 hours.  Maybe we were naive in thinking that they would have a good time sitting and catching up with each other for a while.  It was an outdoor barn wedding with tons of yard games and a beautiful setting and the venue didn't allow alcohol which we thought wouldn't be a problem because a marriage isn't really about that, it seems we may have been wrong (we didn't think our families were big drinkers).  So now were left feeling a bit upset with a lot of people and really disappointed in our day, not to mention feeling like we wasted a good bit of money.  We're not really sure how to get rid of this enormous feeling of being let down. 

Re: We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it?

  • What did you do after dinner if you didn't open the dance floor right away? I could see heading out if I was done eating dinner, and not much was going on except for yard games, especially if I wanted to go dancing or something. You mentioned an hour after eating that people started leaving. Generally weddings segue right from the meal into the first dances and opening the dance floor. It could be that people didn't think you were doing dancing or they were tired of waiting for the floor to open. it's kind of uncommon for there to be that big of a lull between dinner and dancing.

    Regardless, I understand being frustrated, but as to how to get over it: I think you just have to. Realize that you still had a lot of loved ones travel to share in your wedding day, as well as loved ones who wanted to be in your WP and put in extra time and money to help make your day meaningful. You had a great wedding ceremony and at the end of the day, you were married! As far as feeling like you wasted money, you can't get any money back, so I would try to not dwell on it. Focus on all the positives, not what you perceive as the negatives.


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    Vacation
  • Stuff happens. We all had annoying/bad stuff happen at our weddings. Mine included people leaving earlier than expected (we had a wedding on a Sunday so we should have seen that coming, honestly), my having the full-blown flu and throwing up for days leading up to the wedding, and being unable to have a single drink or bite of food the day of, my cake table being a disaster, my sister giving a HORRIBLE and rude speech, etc..The list goes on. 
    But guess what? 
    You're married. So [hopefully] you're best friend. And in the end that's what counts. H and I just laugh at all the ridiculousness that is our wedding. 

    Stuff happens and all you can do is hope to throw a great party and get a ton of awesome pictures to hold onto the memories. Be thankful for a happy ceremony (the real point of the wedding anyway) and a wonderful husband. 
  • Was there supposed to be dancing? Because, really, receptions seems to only last more than an hour or 2 if things like drinking and dancing are going on. It's not that the guests have skewed priorities ... it's just really, you can only "catch up" with Aunt Mildred over chicken francais for so long before you're bored ... and hitting the hotel pool seems like a way more fun idea.

    If there was supposed to be dancing and you didn't open the floor until over an hour into the reception, you messed up. Nothing you can do about it now, but that's just how it is. Nobody's perfect.

    Try to focus on the fact that you got married that married that day and that's what really matters.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
    image

  • If there was no alcohol AND no dancing that makes for a very short reception.  did you have dancing and music?
  • Sorry but sh!t happens. My house burnt down the night before my wedding and i'm not crying. I was just so grateful to be able to have a wedding.  I'm sorry but if there was no alcohol and no dancing it sounds boring and I would have left too. You should have seen it coming. You don't get a do over for things that were actually your fault.
     
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_we-had-a-bad-wedding-day-how-do-we-get-over-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:9d22d844-36a4-4750-bc16-82d440ffe342Post:c3e3c266-bb2f-46e0-82a0-8ac992cf8fc3">Re: We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry but sh!t happens. My house burnt down the night before my wedding and i'm not crying. I was just so grateful to be able to have a wedding.  I'm sorry but if there was no alcohol and no dancing it sounds boring and I would have left too. You should have seen it coming. You don't get a do over for things that were actually your fault.
    Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>I'm sure the original poster was just so absolutely inspired by your post. I'm sure she thought "I wanna be like HobokenBride2012. She is so tough and brave! Look at her just shrug off her house catching fire in such a nonchalant way." And I'm sure this little scenario was running through your head when you posted. I'm sorry, but.... <u style="font-weight:bold;">YOU ARE AN IDIOT!</u>  People come on this site for help, not to be ridiculed by self centered little brats like you. If you don't have anything to say that actually might be of use to the originial poster then SHUT UP! </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>As for the original poster, I'm sorry to hear things didn't go so well. Have you talked to friends/family to get their feedback? Maybe finding out why they left would help with some closure. Unfortunately, you can't recreate these moments and fix them. All you can do is enjoy the fact that you are married and create new moments. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_we-had-a-bad-wedding-day-how-do-we-get-over-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:9d22d844-36a4-4750-bc16-82d440ffe342Post:7f072d40-aeb2-4b2a-8adc-db7131627d16">Re: We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it? : I'm sure the original poster was just so absolutely inspired by your post. I'm sure she thought "I wanna be like HobokenBride2012. She is so tough and brave! Look at her just shrug off her house catching fire in such a nonchalant way." And I'm sure this little scenario was running through your head when you posted. I'm sorry, but....  YOU ARE AN IDIOT!   People come on this site for help, not to be ridiculed by self centered little brats like you. If you don't have anything to say that actually might be of use to the originial poster then SHUT UP!  As for the original poster, I'm sorry to hear things didn't go so well. <strong>Have you talked to friends/family to get their feedback? Maybe finding out why they left would help with some closure. </strong>Unfortunately, you can't recreate these moments and fix them. All you can do is enjoy the fact that you are married and create new moments. 
    Posted by TheGroominator[/QUOTE]

    All PP was doing was showing that there are many worse things that can happen at a wedding than having guests leave earlier than expected. It's also very common advice on here when brides ask about not having dancing or drinking that guests will probably leave earlier if you don't have those things. She was being honest, as were the rest of us. If you just do dinner without dancing for a long while, people will probably start leaving.

    As for the bolded, I don't agree with that advice. Going up to a friend and saying, "Hey, so why did you leave my wedding early?" would just be awkward and make a mountain out of a mole hill. She would be making something into a huge awkward deal that did not need to be that way. Some of my relatives cut out early, but I didn't feel the need to track them down and ask why. Maybe they were tired, maybe they got bored, maybe they never planned on making it a late night. Whatever their reasons are (this goes for OP's situation too), are THEIR reasons. They don't need to explain.


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    Vacation
  • Write down 10 positive thoughts from your wedding day....great memories that you will always have.  Put some great pics of the day with them.  Then when you start having regrets and down feelings about the reception, take a look at those pics and positive memories you have written down to help push those bad thoughts out of the way.  Time will help to heal and put things in perspective.
  • Every wedding has chaos and craziness, you just have to remember that at the end of the day you were married your best friend and thats all that matters! I like lostmykeys advice, write down 10 positive things from the wedding day and just think about those rather than the bad things!
  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_we-had-a-bad-wedding-day-how-do-we-get-over-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:9d22d844-36a4-4750-bc16-82d440ffe342Post:7f072d40-aeb2-4b2a-8adc-db7131627d16">Re: We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it? : I'm sure the original poster was just so absolutely inspired by your post. I'm sure she thought "I wanna be like HobokenBride2012. She is so tough and brave! Look at her just shrug off her house catching fire in such a nonchalant way." And I'm sure this little scenario was running through your head when you posted. I'm sorry, but....  YOU ARE AN IDIOT!   People come on this site for help, not to be ridiculed by self centered little brats like you. If you don't have anything to say that actually might be of use to the originial poster then SHUT UP!  As for the original poster, I'm sorry to hear things didn't go so well. Have you talked to friends/family to get their feedback? Maybe finding out why they left would help with some closure. Unfortunately, you can't recreate these moments and fix them. All you can do is enjoy the fact that you are married and create new moments. 
    Posted by TheGroominator[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for calling me an idiot and telling me to shut up.  I'm sure you're going to make a lot of friends here. Just so you know personal attacks will get you banned around here.
     
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  • I definitely don't mean to be insensitive and can understand that you were disappointed that people left early.  And I can definitely emphathize with the feeling of wasted money.  But in the spirit of encouraging you to feel better, I agree with Hoboken that it might be good to try to put it in perspective that a lot of worse things could have happened.  It doesn't sound like people caused drama or threw hissy fits or tried to provoke confrontations and spoil the day.  It doesn't sound like your vendors flaked on you.  Or that anything burned down, anyone had an accident requiring emergency medical treatment, or anything like that.  People left early and that was disappointing, but it doesn't sound like anything happened quite to a point that you weren't able to have the wedding you envisioned.  If everyone was supportive even if they didn't stay as long as you would have liked, and you are happy with your husband, that's the most important thing.
    Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_we-had-a-bad-wedding-day-how-do-we-get-over-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:9d22d844-36a4-4750-bc16-82d440ffe342Post:9c2c5f0f-fd13-41ad-9141-4a30debe8bd2">Re: We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Write down 10 positive thoughts from your wedding day....great memories that you will always have.  Put some great pics of the day with them.  Then when you start having regrets and down feelings about the reception, take a look at those pics and positive memories you have written down to help push those bad thoughts out of the way.  Time will help to heal and put things in perspective.
    Posted by lostmykeys[/QUOTE]

    This.  And get some really beautiful pictures from the day enlarged and framed to look at when you feel frustrated.
  • How do you get over it?  You read Jachelle's post under yours.

    Seriously, when you get your pictures back, you'll remember only the awesome.
  • your family and friends came to your wedding,brought you gifts,wished you hapiness and you are crabbing because ?   Not your guests at fault . Were they required to "stay" until the bitter end?  There are no guarantees in life and if this is such a big disappointment that it "ruined" your day.....you are in for some rude awakening......move on...your married,look at your pictures and be happy you have each other and your health....JMO
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_we-had-a-bad-wedding-day-how-do-we-get-over-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:9d22d844-36a4-4750-bc16-82d440ffe342Post:17ca8cb8-af54-47b9-bb5a-46be7e04933b">Re: We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it? : Thanks for calling me an idiot and telling me to shut up.  I'm sure you're going to make a lot of friends here. Just so you know personal attacks will get you banned around here.
    Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>uuuuh yeah. For reals.. </div><div>Jeeses Groominator, you're a joke. You will not last without a tough skin. The fact is, Hoboken just pointed out there </div><div>
    </div><div>IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE. </div><div>
    </div><div>Sht like this makes me realize how entitled so many Americans/Westerners feell... What a joke.. </div>
  • I'm sorry you feel like your wedding was ruined. From what I'm reading, it really wasn't. You had a beautiful ceremony, like you said. And, you know what? THAT'S THE WEDDING. Your ceremony is your wedding. You don't need to have a reception to make it official. I get that this wasn't your envisioned fairy tale wedding, but as people have said, it could have been much worse. I'm sure hearing that makes you feel like crap, but it's the truth. Just focus on the positives.
  • I'll take a good marriage over a bad wedding anyday.
    Move on
    tammyoctober
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_we-had-a-bad-wedding-day-how-do-we-get-over-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:9d22d844-36a4-4750-bc16-82d440ffe342Post:99dfdf33-29f8-494e-8c79-1f95a20c685c">Re: We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]How do you get over it?  You <strong><font color="#0000ff">read Jachelle's post under yours</font></strong>. Seriously, when you get your pictures back, you'll remember only the awesome.
    Posted by Marrin713[/QUOTE]

    That's for sure. 

    Honestly, OP, it seems that things went pretty well for as long as it lasted.  Marrin's right -- start getting excited about seeing the photos.  That will perk you right up!
  • Hmm...did you at least have music before the dancing?  We didn't have an official start to dancing.  We played music before dinner, and when dinner was over dancing music immediately followed with awesome lights, people loved it especially the kids.  And we also did not serve alcohol so that is not an issue to entice people to stay.  If people were leaving sounds like they were bored or uncomfortable.
  • Focus on the good. The ceremony was great and you got married so you cant complain. I have to admit though without dancing and drinking I propably would have left early too.


  • Our wedding was outside on a record-breaking-hot day.
    It was so awful that some people left within 15 minutes of the ceremony ending.
    Within an hour, pretty much everybody was gone.
    The whole thing was a blur and I really do regret not getting to see more of our guests, BUT, we figured that it will make quite the story one day.  We wasted hundreds of dollars on food that people were too uncomfortable to eat and our cupcake frosting melted off!
    Even though many of our guests left quickly, I've now met a lot of my H's family and we're going to visit them soon!  We have the rest of our lives to hang out together and have a good time.

    Be happy to be married; long receptions aren't required for a happy marriage to result. 
  • We had drinks and dancing and we still had most people leave early.  Some people had other commitments (a birthday party, getting a child to the airport, etc..)  Most people left because it was 96 degrees outside and we were having an outdoor reception.  We wound up ending our reception almost 2 hours early.  Yes I was bummed, and still am a bit.  I have realized though that all weddings have a hitch and that was ours.  It wasn't that bad and everyone said they had a great time.  Mostly I'm just happy that I married the man I love so much!  You should focus on that.  
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  • edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_we-had-a-bad-wedding-day-how-do-we-get-over-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:9d22d844-36a4-4750-bc16-82d440ffe342Post:bb746779-b91d-4102-a801-698a92f09577">Re: We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll take a good marriage over a bad wedding anyday. Move on
    Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    This, this, this. We have to know that something about the wedding day will not go as planned. For those of us who haven't been there yet, get in that mindset already. There is so much in life that is about mindset. If you go into the big day with the mindset that things are going to go a little hinky, you'll just be happy that you married the man God has for you. OP, it sounds like you didn't go into it with that mindset so you can't change that now. But you can realize that the important thing is you married the man you love in a beautiful ceremony. The rest does not matter at all. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't. As "IamTheMommaOfTheBride" said it's the marriage that counts.

    Sometimes it gets a little old on this site because you see the same old lines all the time, but a lot of the time they need to be said. A lot of people don't want to spend their whole day at your wedding. No matter how much I love the person getting married, I just don't want to spend my entire Saturday at her wedding. I have things I have to do. And there have also been times that I wanted to stay later and I didn't have a choice. My F and I had to leave early once because we had to pick up his kids at a decent hour and get home. Your friends and family love you a lot. They took time out of their busy schedules to come to your to day. Try to put yourself in their shoes.

    I also think other posters gave good advice on writing down positve things every time you start to feel down. And as soon as you can, put up pics of your wedding that you love. In a little while, I don't think you'll be thinking of so and so leaving early. I think you'll be thinking of how you felt just before you walked down the aisle. And how he looked waiting for you at the end of the aisle. And how he got a little bit tongue-tied when repeating his vows. Whatever it was that made your ceremony special for you.

    Okay, that's a little long. Sorry about that. :-) Congratulations!
    Anniversary
  •  "Maybe we were naive in thinking that they would have a good time sitting and catching up with each other for a while." 

    I think that yes, you may have been a bit overgenerous with assuming that people would talk for a while.  Also, I thought that the cake cutting didn't happen until a bit later in the evening, which makes it appear that they truly were left sitting without much entertainment and of course no alcohol since the venue didn't allow it.  It doesn't mean that everyone is a big drinker but sometimes people can relax a bit more at social events when they have a little wine or beer to sip on. 

    But the main thing is that you're married to the man of your dreams.  Enjoy!
  • I am sorry that your wedding didn't go as planned. Hopefully once you see the pictures it will make up for it and bring back good memories.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_we-had-a-bad-wedding-day-how-do-we-get-over-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:9d22d844-36a4-4750-bc16-82d440ffe342Post:9c2c5f0f-fd13-41ad-9141-4a30debe8bd2">Re: We had a bad wedding day how do we get over it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Write down 10 positive thoughts from your wedding day....great memories that you will always have.  Put some great pics of the day with them.  Then when you start having regrets and down feelings about the reception, take a look at those pics and positive memories you have written down to help push those bad thoughts out of the way.  Time will help to heal and put things in perspective.
    Posted by lostmykeys[/QUOTE]

    exactly what I was going to say. I am sure that you posted your personal story on here to get constructive advice...not the opposite. Sweety, I am sorry that your reception did not live up to your expectations.But look at it this way...you've got your man, you're happy, you have great pictures to look back on and THAT is all that matters.
  • Meh.. I can relate in a way... I had a Major record breaking snow storm, state of emergency that pretty much shut down the southwestern part of CT this past october and I only had about 40 guests out of 200 show up... But at least you had a reception. And people ate and you had people show up and your in-laws made it..mine didnt...they were stuck in a car 5 miles away from our reception site. It's hard. Don't let some of the more 'real' comments get you down. Sometimes it feels good to just vent even though there isn't a solution... Just talk to some of your friends (that stayed) and get it off your chest.
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