how soon to ask your bridal party

chemwhiz3 · January 2010

My finace and i have asked everyone for our bridal party except his one friend. he isn't sure if he wants to b/c they haven't talked in a few months. if he does ask him i am going to ask one of my friends. but is it too late? we haven't looked at dresses or done any of that. we are only engaged 2.5 weeks

bablingbrooke · January 2010

When your FI asks his GM is none of your concern. It's best to ask the WP less than a year before the wedding. You've only been engaged two and a half weeks! Do you even have a date or venue or budget set? Ideally you'd have those before you ask the WP; it's hard for them to commit to a wedding if they don't know where and when it is.

I asked by BMs at about a year to 10 months out and DH asked his GM at about 6 months. You don't have to ask at the same time. Don't hound him. It's his GM, his responsibility, his timeline. Not yours.

Also, don't ask another person just because your FI asks another GM. It's totally okay to have uneven sides. Many many ladies here did so (myself included) and the weddings were NOT ruined.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

brooke is correct on all accounts. Sides do not have to be even, and dresses don't have to be ordered more than 4-5 months in advance, usually, so there is no reason to ask your BP before 6-9 months out.

emilyinchile · January 2010

How could it possibly be too late, you've been engaged for all of five seconds!

Your wedding's in November, so you still have a couple months to totally firm up the WP. If you want to ask your friend, you can ask her now, regardless of what your FI does. If you don't want to ask her, then don't ask her, even if he ends up adding a GM.

mbcdefg · January 2010

I asked officially after about a month or two of being engaged ... there were some people I was undecided on. I was glad that I waited to be sure, because once I asked I couldn't un-ask without destroying the friendship (and a lot of mutual friendships), and some stuff came up with a few people where I wound up being VERY glad that I didn't ask them. So WAIT WAIT WAIT on it.

My FI asked people a couple months after I did. Again, because he was unsure on people ... plus there's no need to ask that early. He asked two and was thinking about maybe one or two others, but we wound up having even sides just because that's the way it worked out.

If he'd asked that third and maybe fourth guy, I would've stuck with my two girls. It would've been incredibly rude and petty of me to avoid asking a good friend just because he only had two guys, or to ask a random girl(s) to fill things in had he asked those additional two guys. If someone wasn't close enough to me to want her the first time around, then I would be a really rude and thoughtless person to only ask her because I wanted even sides. That's not the point of a wedding party.

And people can see through that, so don't kid yourself into thinking that they will just be honored to be asked (or that they'll understand that you left them out just to keep things even). FI was asked to be a groomsman for someone he barely knew, and right away he realized that they just wanted even sides. It's not a good feeling to know that you're a placeholder ... or to know that you were cut because the bride/groom valued symmetry more than their friends' feelings. People will tell you to your face what they know you want to hear, but will talk shiit behind your back for years.

I-am-me · January 2010

Agreed. It's nowhere near too late, and it is fine to have uneven sides - make your decision on the friend in question on your own, regardless of who your groom asks to stand up for him.

how soon to ask your bridal party

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