Love FMIL

sep72fendr · March 2010

After reading several posts about horrid FMILs, I was wondering if there is anyone out there (like me) who absolutely adore their FMILs or MILs? And why? I like good gushy stories that make me go "aww" :-)

laurenclaire1386 · March 2010

I love FMIL because she leaves us the hell alone. I really like her as a person too, though. She just doesn't mess in our lives, which I really really appreciate. She doesn't care one lick about the wedding and asked that we just tell her where and when to show up and that's it. She's got a deadbeat boyfriend, but other than that, she's a cool lady.

Brie2010 · March 2010

I don't mind my FMIL. She's generally unobjectionable. I love her hilariously awful gift giving skills because they always amuse FI and me.

maggyruth · March 2010

I love mine. I don't get to see her often (she lives in TN,) but when I talk to FI and he's talked to her that day, he always passes a long a "Mom said to say she loves you." I think that is the sweetest thing, ever. I so wish she could come to the wedding, but she was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia a year and a half ago and has been on chemo ever since...her immune system is shot to smithereens at this point, and traveling is not a wise idea, nor is being in big crowds of people.

sep72fendr · March 2010

Aww Maggy! That's too freaking sweet. Well wishes and prayers to your FMIL. She sounds like a lovely woman!

ohwhynot · March 2010

I love my MIL. She's a real sweetheart, worked hard her whole life so her kids could do better than she and her husband, and she's always welcomed me and my children into the family with the warmest of open arms.

She's in her 70s, I guess, and she goes out to protest the Iraq war and she has pro-feminist magnets on her refrigerator along with the grandkids' drawings and I just adore her. Also - her name is Ethel, which just tickles me for some reason.

ETA: sorry, maggy, that's a rough situation. I am sorry to read that.

ashmy211 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_love-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4392af01-23d8-4f14-aba3-25c94aaee27cPost:fb4a381d-a6fb-45a5-be5a-b11a8ebfef0e">Re: Love FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I love FMIL because she leaves us the hell alone. I really like her as a person too, though. She just doesn't mess in our lives, which I really really appreciate. She doesn't care one lick about the wedding and asked that we just tell her where and when to show up and that's it. </strong>She's got a deadbeat boyfriend, but other than that, she's a cool lady.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

MrsHaH101010 · March 2010

I love my FMIL! She gives us her opinion when we want it, and when we don't she doesn't say anything. She is always willing to help with anything I need her to like making sure we didn't leave off any important guests. She is even hosting a brunch the day after our party (I'm having a DW and a party a few weeks later where my fiance is from) and she is making sure I will have all my favorite foods that she makes because she is such a great cook! I am so thankful I have such a great FMIL.

opalsky007 · March 2010

I can take mine in small doses. In large doses, not so much. She's a wonderful person, but my best way of describing her is overly attached. She overshares, overcares, and gets her feelings hurt far too easily. She also has this way of comforting me when I'm upset that makes me feel instantly 1,000 times worse.

She means well, but can be a lot to handle.

mewebster59 · March 2010

I absolutely love me FMIL!! She is awesome. I think what makes us closer is that I am often the one that is there for her in weird situations...like I have dressed her when she wasn't able, putting her girls in their holder and everything! (she was in the hospital). My FI and his sister always say that we are exactly aloke (kinda scary, but she is so sweet I don't care)

akhensley81 · March 2010

I love my FMIL! She had four boys and I'm the first one to marry one of her sons - so it's like I'm the daughter she's never had. LOL! I get along with her almost better than I do my own mother!

MCarmine · March 2010

My FMIL is so awesome. She's the sweetest lady on earth but has a wicked sense of humor. I think the only thing I don't love about her is that she keeps on trying to give me a giant deer's head and bronze unicorn for FI and I's new place. Thanks but no thanks.

cac847 · March 2010

My FMIL is really awesome. She's a nice person, easy to get along with, and lots of fun. FI's stepmother is great too. If either of them were a problem, we wouldn't have bought the house we did... his mom lives a mile in one direction and his father a mile in the other direction. Lucky for us none of them are buttinskys

Nebb · March 2010

I like my MIL well enough, but we never see or hear from her. It wasnt always this way though, around the wedding I freaking hated her and my FIL. When my husband wrote them off for half a year because of their behavior, they started being nice to me and now I just tollerate.

RachNRich · March 2010

I love my MIL---she's so not over the top, yet tries to stay involved, almost in an old-fashioned type of way. She sends us packages almost every week, sometimes more, filled with random crap (read: magazines, candy bars, stickers? soap, lots of soap, clinique samples, more clinique samples, some more soap, and more candy).

T1+T2 · March 2010

My FMIL sounds just like Lauren's FMIL - down to the deadbeat boyfriend thing. She never has an opinion on anything, doesn't even come near her bounds, and generally just disappears until she needs something fixed on her computer or wireless. She lives 3 miles from our house and has managed to visit about 5 times in a year.

I guess I should count my blessings, but sometimes I feel bad that she's so disconnected. I'm very close to my parents and I can't imagine so much "distance." Oh well... I'd much rather FMIL be distant than not.

laurenclaire1386 · March 2010

I should add that FI's grandmother is the one who raised him. She died last spring and the very last thing she said to me was that she was so glad I was taking such good care of FI. That makes me all teary. She was a crotchety old lady that didn't get along with a lot of people, but she took a liking to me from the beginning. And I liked her a lot.

whitneykaye87 · March 2010

My FMIL is so wonderful! She's been great with the wedding- every decision we make she tells us how wonderful it will be and how excited she is. I'm also the first to marry one of her sons, so she's thrilled to have a daughter in law! She and FFIL also offered to pay for our honeymoon and host the rehearsal dinner. She lives a few hours away, but she has offered to help us with anything we need. She even threw me a bridal shower luncheon with her side of the family so I could see them all again before the wedding (I've only met most of them once). If she lived closer, we'd probably be good friends, as we've gone shopping before a few times and we'll chat on the phone occasionally when she calls FI.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

It took me a while - well, I'm still adjusting actually - to accept that my FMIL is very different from my own mother. My mother is very warm. (She loves FI almost more than she loves me, too.) FMIL grew up in Iowa and went to college in Massachusetts, and has lived near Boston for about 40 years. She's a combination of mid-western stoicism and New England stoicism.

FI's family is very intelligent and I think FMIL thinks bubbly personalities automatically equate to shallow or less intelligent. I try to be warm, so I'm not sure if she criticizes me behind my back. But she's never been overtly unfriendly. I don't think I'm the perfect vision of a DIL or her best hope for her oldest child and only son (and the first to get married), but I think she's tried to accept me.

FMIL lives 3,000 miles away. Sometimes it helps, but that means we get a LOT of intense contact in short visits, since we stay with them and FI prefers to keep family visits as family visits, rather than getting together with anyone else or doing things on our own. But then, we have the same situation with my family.

I have NO idea what will happen when our mothers meet.

FFIL on the other hand, is adorable. He's a lot like FI in personality.

thesuninherhead · March 2010

My MIL is a beautiful person who is a lot like me in some ways- just an older version! I am really lucky to have her to balance SIL who sometimes seems to have foot-in-mouth disease. She's always thinking of us, but never takes over anything, is careful to keep good boundaries in place and knows when to offer help and when to keep her opinions to herself.

thesuninherhead · March 2010

and like those who mentioned it above, my MIL always tells H to 'pass her love to Mel' when she's talking to him.

pixiedust84 · March 2010

I adore my FMIL!! She is the sweetest person ever, so loving and accepting! She welcomed me into the family with open arms. Fi's brother got married last summer so our wedding could easily have been deemed less exciting but FMIL loves hearing every detail and telling us how awesome it will be. She will come wedding dress shopping with me and I'll go dress shopping with her for her dress!! Plus she gets along with my Mom really well. She's just so happy to have girls in her life after raising two guy-guys. She's just wonderful :-)

pixiedust84 · March 2010

PS - Maggy I'm so sorry your FMIL has ALL. My Mom is a cancer survivor as am I so I totally understand how scary cancer is. Just know that there is life beyond cancer!! You'll have to have a post wedding party with her when she's all better. You and Fi should definitely keep your outfits and have a "re-dress" for her later!! I'll send her prayers!

kd.joseph · March 2010

I love my FMIL, she's great. As soon as we got engaged and we called her she said she'd been waiting on me to be her daughter-in-law. She lives about 3 hours away so we see her about 2 times a year. But she's 78 and still works 2 jobs. I hope I have that energy.

katiewhompus · March 2010

I really couldn't have asked for a better mil. Sure I'll rant about her occasionally (she still thinks Scott is the man of the house (her house) and expects him to fix things...even though bil actually owns and resides in said house) but that's about it. She is always the first one to help out if we get stuck in a financial bind, gives sound advice, and is there if you need to talk. She's also offered to pay for Katie's vet bill if she ends up needing hip surgery (up to $4k) since Katie was originally her husbands dog and she kind of thrust her upon Dh (I'm thankful she did, but he was in no position ready to have a dog).
She has also been really relaxed about the whole TTC thing, when really I could see her being insane. Both of her children (sil and dh) are in their late 30's and she only has one grandkid, so I was expecting the usual "having kids yet why haven't you had kids yet give me grandbabies!" deal.

sweetpea0911 · March 2010

FMIL and I have a hot and cold relationship, but about 98% of the time I love her. She makes me Easter baskets when she makes them for FI, asks about me when she talks to him, and has been generally "not putting my nose into it" about wedding planning - but still has made some suggestions for vendors that have been great.

On the other hand, she's rarely around when FSIL needs her, so I end up being FSIL's mom when I'm there and that drives me nuts to no end. And she has made some family gatherings difficult because she refuses to attend if FFIL's family will be there (because they're having "personal problems").

I'll take the 98% of the time liking over 100% hating any day, though. Can't complain all that much.

jamiefour · March 2010

I feel really lucky for my FMIL everytime I read some of these posts. I talk to FMIL everyday and we go out shopping or for lunch all the time. I love her like she was my own mother. She is very supportive of FI and I!

kee80 · March 2010

I love my FMIL! She's really excited about our wedding (FI's the first wedding in her family in a few years), and she's been super-supportive of our planning. She's also just a cool person. I lucked out!

[Deleted User] · March 2010

I love my FMIL. She is so open and basically like a mother to me. My mom and I don't get along and rarely talk and FMIL has been there every step of the way despite the fact that we are 650 miles away from our hometown. I know I will look to her for advice in the future, etc and she will always be there for me.

nene0182 · March 2010

I love my FMIL. She's absolutely wonderful. She's someone I really look up to. She raised three boys while still persuing her dreams. She was able to earn two PHDs with the second one being two years ago. She is 64 years old and is still a college professor, writes textbooks and plays, directs plays and teaches all over the world . She recently got back from teaching in Norway for 6 months. She's everything I want to "grow up" to be. She has a great work/life balance and is very much a family person. She has also accepted my son like a grandson which means a lot to me.

sep72fendr · March 2010

It was so great to read all of your experiences and backstories about your FMILs and MILs. :-D You ladies are awesome!

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