intro!!

Re: intro!!

• Beachy730 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_intro-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c44bc456-1d38-4a2c-98c8-f980c976c590Post:bd0ace1f-d577-4759-80b1-268b414e3ad0">intro!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Hello Dolls! I am in need of some advise and just some military fiances to talk to! My FI and I have been engaged for 4 months now. We set the date for August 11, 2012. We have the venue booked and are working on some of the other major details. My FI is in the army, he is deployed to afghanistan right now. We have spent the majority of our relationship apart because of the army, but we have remained extremely strong. I am only 18 and he is 21. Everyone close to us is very supportive even though we are so young. Getting married is what is best for us, and we are both ready. We are thinking about getting married in the courthouse in november during his R&R, and still having the wedding in november. The reason for this is after his deployment he will be stationed in Germany, and if we go ahead and get married we will be able to get all the paperwork done so after the wedding I can go live with him right away. If we waited until August to be married then I wouldn't be in Germany with him for 3-6 months. We are so sick of being apart and so ready to finally be together. Has anyone been is a situation like this or have any advise? Or any advise on getting married so young? Look forwarding to hearing from you guys :) 
  Posted by leahmeleah12[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Personally, I don't think anyone is mentally and/or emtionally mature enough to get married at 18, so my first instinct is to tell you to wait a few years.  Getting married is a big change, and a very hard change at 18.  Getting married and moving away from your family and friends is hard, especially if you're only 18.  Getting married and moving out of the country is very hard at any age, especially at 18.  </div><div>
  </div><div>So I'm assuming you're either still in high school, or just out of it.  What are your plans for your own future?  Do you plan on going to college?  What are you own personal goals for yourself, besides just being an Army wife?  </div><div>
  </div><div>I would really, really think about what you're planning on doing.  Even if you still insist on getting married now, I would seriously reconsider moving to Germany, especially right away.  Obviously I don't know you or your specific situation, but from an outsider's perspective I think you would be much better off staying here and going to school or whatever you plan on doing, and having the support of your family and friends around you.  </div>

  

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• BinxRose member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Ditto everything Beach said. I think it's REALLY important to figure out your own goals first before becoming a "military wife." You never know what could happen in the future, and you need to be prepared to stand on your own two feet. I personally think you are too young to be getting married, but I wish you the best of luck.

  
  

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• firsttimersluck member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  This is another situation that SamiJ can relate to. Just because you are married doesn't mean you will be put on his orders. She has been in this boat for a while now, married and all.
  
  That's great that your family is supportive of your decision to get married, whatever your age may be. What do they think of you guys getting a JOP though?
  Have you discussed this with them? 
  Are you okay with a JOP and a vow renewal later? Because your wedding is the day that those papers are signed, which would be your courthouse date.
  
  Kendall and Zim are both young brides, so maybe they have some advice for you.
  I consider myself an incredibly young bride and I'm 22. I wouldn't have DREAMED of getting married this young had I not
  -been financially stable on my OWN first (this means NO help from mom/dad/grandparents/etc) (check)
  -had a plan and goal that is almost complete, education/life wise (check)
  -Lived alone for a while so to experience that aspect, as many older people told me that they wish they didn't miss that aspect of college and growing up (check)
  -found a man that is also financially and emotionally stable like I am (check)
  - lived with him for quite some time beforehand, to see how well we connected on that level (check)
  -gone through at least one deployment to make sure I can handle all the times we are apart (check)
  
  Those were some of my guidelines as a young bride (now wife). Those are things I suggest all relationships consider.
  GL and happy planning!

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• leahmeleah12 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_intro-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c44bc456-1d38-4a2c-98c8-f980c976c590Post:df806e37-f43c-4e67-9b28-6ebc66510d30">Re: intro!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to intro!! : Personally, I don't think anyone is mentally and/or emtionally mature enough to get married at 18, so my first instinct is to tell you to wait a few years.  Getting married is a big change, and a very hard change at 18.  Getting married and moving away from your family and friends is hard, especially if you're only 18.  Getting married and moving out of the country is very hard at any age, especially at 18.   So I'm assuming you're either still in high school, or just out of it.  What are your plans for your own future?  Do you plan on going to college?  What are you own personal goals for yourself, besides just being an Army wife?   I would really, really think about what you're planning on doing.  Even if you still insist on getting married now, I would seriously reconsider moving to Germany, especially right away.  Obviously I don't know you or your specific situation, but from an outsider's perspective I think you would be much better off staying here and going to school or whatever you plan on doing, and having the support of your family and friends around you.  
  Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>
  </div><div>I understand where you are coming from and have considered everything you mentioned. I realize marriage is a huge change.</div><div>I graduated from high school and I already have an AA degree. I am in my first semester of my Junior year in college. I plan to be an Elementary school teacher. The college I am at now has a program all online so I could finish my education degree where ever my FI and I are stationed, even in Germany. </div><div>Thank you for the advise, I will take what you have said into consideration. </div>

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• leahmeleah12 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_intro-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c44bc456-1d38-4a2c-98c8-f980c976c590Post:e83414fb-525b-44e0-af89-f248e575eef1">Re: intro!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]This is another situation that SamiJ can relate to. Just because you are married doesn't mean you will be put on his orders. She has been in this boat for a while now, married and all. That's great that your family is supportive of your decision to get married, whatever your age may be. What do they think of you guys getting a JOP though? Have you discussed this with them?  Are you okay with a JOP and a vow renewal later? Because your wedding is the day that those papers are signed, which would be your courthouse date. Kendall and Zim are both young brides, so maybe they have some advice for you. I consider myself an incredibly young bride and I'm 22. I wouldn't have DREAMED of getting married this young had I not -been financially stable on my OWN first (this means NO help from mom/dad/grandparents/etc) (check) -had a plan and goal that is almost complete, education/life wise (check) -Lived alone for a while so to experience that aspect, as many older people told me that they wish they didn't miss that aspect of college and growing up (check) -found a man that is also financially and emotionally stable like I am (check) - lived with him for quite some time beforehand, to see how well we connected on that level (check) -gone through at least one deployment to make sure I can handle all the times we are apart (check) Those were some of my guidelines as a young bride (now wife). Those are things I suggest all relationships consider. GL and happy planning!
  Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>Thank you so much for the advise. I do worry about getting married so young, but we are both very confident it is the right decision for us. </div><div>At first I was unsure about getting a JOP, but after considering everything I am all for it. My parents took awhile to get used to the idea, but they now support us. Our families are both pretty traditional so it wasn't what they planned for us, but they understand our situation. I am living on my own now, I pay for everything myself except for my college tuition. By the time I move away with my FI, I will have lived on my own for a year and a half. We will not live together before getting married, but that is something I have personal values and beliefs on. He is very financially and emotionally stable. We are going through a 12 month deployment right now, so that will be covered. 
  
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• Irishcurls member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Welcome! How long have you been together? You said you've spent the majority of your relationship apart. 

  

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• LetsHikeToday member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Welcome to the board. I agree with Beach and First. Are you sure your college program is all online? What about student teaching? Will you be able to do that in Germany? Will you be able to do your observations in Germany? I'm a 5th grade teacher and a lot of the major is spent being in a classroom. My one piece of advice to you would be to tell everyone you are married when you have your VR the next year. I saw on the pervious thread you are only planning on telling close friend's and family. I'm going to assume you'll be letting the military know and in turn, that tells more guests. I don't think the unknowing guests would appreciate if they came to your event and found out they had been left in the dark. Anyway, good luck. Hope you stick around here! These girls are great advice givers!!

  

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• ggirl2001 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Ditto Hike. Also you said some people don't understand the JOP and VR later, and that you aren't telling everyone. How will these people feel to find out you lied to them? If you are not inviting them to the VR, then fine, you don't need to tell them anything really, they can make their own assumptions. But don't lie to them and invite them to what they think is your wedding, when its not. 

  
  

  
  

  You will find this is a hot topic on the board, but pretty much everyoen agrees that lying to people about being married is not a good way to start a marriage, no matter what your reasonings are. Everyone here has been in similar situations as you and have found a way to get married and not lie about it. Some girls have done vow renewals as well, but everyone knew they were married. We have some people on here where both are deployed and are planning their wedding. It is possible to do it without lying basically. 

  

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• firsttimersluck member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_intro-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:c44bc456-1d38-4a2c-98c8-f980c976c590Post:b70d511e-80d0-4cd8-9882-626c0124cbdd">Re: intro!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: intro!! : Thank you so much for the advise. I do worry about getting married so young, but we are both very confident it is the right decision for us.  At first I was unsure about getting a JOP, but after considering everything I am all for it. My parents took awhile to get used to the idea, but they now support us. Our families are both pretty traditional so it wasn't what they planned for us, but they understand our situation. I am living on my own now, I pay for everything myself except for my college tuition. By the time I move away with my FI, I will have lived on my own for a year and a half. We will not live together before getting married, but that is something I have personal values and beliefs on. He is very financially and emotionally stable. We are going through a 12 month deployment right now, so that will be covered. 
  Posted by leahmeleah12[/QUOTE]
  
  I wasn't trying to harass you, I hope it didn't come off that way!
  Those were just MY things I wasn't to make sure I had under my belt before considering marriage. Sounds like you have quite a few checks there too though!
  Welcome to the board!

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• leahmeleah12 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_intro-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c44bc456-1d38-4a2c-98c8-f980c976c590Post:54cafbf9-81c0-494f-bfa1-e8c65c863775">Re: intro!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: intro!! : I wasn't trying to harass you, I hope it didn't come off that way! Those were just MY things I wasn't to make sure I had under my belt before considering marriage. Sounds like you have quite a few checks there too though! Welcome to the board!
  Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>
  </div><div> No, it definitely didn't come off that way! I appreciate all the advise! Thanks :) </div>

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• leahmeleah12 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_intro-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c44bc456-1d38-4a2c-98c8-f980c976c590Post:dbe60aad-58f4-4b02-9f0a-d19411945dad">Re: intro!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Welcome! How long have you been together? You said you've spent the majority of your relationship apart. 
  Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>
  </div><div>We have been together for a year and a half. Yes, well we started dating about 3 months before he left for basic training and since then we have not been able to see each other near as much as we'd like. The longest we have gone without seeing each other is like 4 months. After this deployment, we will have spent 8 months apart. </div>

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• leahmeleah12 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_intro-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c44bc456-1d38-4a2c-98c8-f980c976c590Post:01fdbd01-866f-4bee-9475-ec983fb4b664">Re: intro!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Ditto Hike. Also you said some people don't understand the JOP and VR later, and that you aren't telling everyone. How will these people feel to find out you lied to them? If you are not inviting them to the VR, then fine, you don't need to tell them anything really, they can make their own assumptions. But don't lie to them and invite them to what they think is your wedding, when its not.  You will find this is a hot topic on the board, but pretty much everyoen agrees that lying to people about being married is not a good way to start a marriage, no matter what your reasonings are. Everyone here has been in similar situations as you and have found a way to get married and not lie about it. Some girls have done vow renewals as well, but everyone knew they were married. We have some people on here where both are deployed and are planning their wedding. It is possible to do it without lying basically. 
  Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>I guess I never thought of it as lying to anyone. I thought it would be easier to not tell everyone. I do understand your point. I just feel like not everyone will understand, but I guess it would be best to tell them. I don't really have a problem with telling everyone, if they don't agree with it then that is their own problem. I just feel like people that don't know much about how the military works could be very judgmental about what we are doing.  I guess we will need to put more thought into what we should do. Thanks for your input!
  
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• leahmeleah12 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_intro-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c44bc456-1d38-4a2c-98c8-f980c976c590Post:9ce3ced1-056c-4d17-a84c-32cf4e3669a9">Re: intro!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Welcome to the board. I agree with Beach and First. Are you sure your college program is all online? What about student teaching? Will you be able to do that in Germany? Will you be able to do your observations in Germany? I'm a 5th grade teacher and a lot of the major is spent being in a classroom. My one piece of advice to you would be to tell everyone you are married when you have your VR the next year. I saw on the pervious thread you are only planning on telling close friend's and family. I'm going to assume you'll be letting the military know and in turn, that tells more guests. I don't think the unknowing guests would appreciate if they came to your event and found out they had been left in the dark. Anyway, good luck. Hope you stick around here! These girls are great advice givers!!
  Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>Thanks for the welcome! Yes, I am sure. I have met with an advisor and worked it out already. All the classes I need are available online, I can do my student teaching wherever we are stationed, even Germany. They just have to approve the school I do it at and everything will transfer. Yeah, I have realized it is best to tell everyone. We didn't think of it as leaving everyone in the dark or lying to them, but now we understand it's definitely best to be open about it!
  
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