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June 2012 Weddings

Mom at Bachelorette

This weekend, my sister, and bridesmaid, told me my bachelorette would be a week before the wedding. I'm not too thrilled about it, I would rather a little more time in between, especially considering the last minute details that need to be taken care of at that time, and not being able to handle any of them during the last weekend prior sounds a little stressful. I was excited when she brought up the bachelorette party, thanked her right away, and said "but the weekend right before sounds a little too close to the wedding date." She insisted we keep it, and i dropped it because of the obvious "she's doing something nice for you. let it go."

Then I remembered a long time ago she mentioned our mom coming to the bachelorette party, and apparently they still intend to have my mom come. I'm having a little trouble keeping the "she's doing something nice for you. let it go." attitude. I'm told part of it will involve drinking and during the discussion with my sister she said that our mom likely won't drink, or maybe just a little. It just seems to me that having my mom there, the only one from an older generation, will make things a little awkward and people won't feel free to be open and a little wild. The sister planning this is extremely close with my mom and is always 100% herself with her, but me, my others sisters, and definitely my friends will not have this same sense of freedom and inhibition.

I'm just in such a tug of war with myself between feeling I do Not want this to happen, or will it really be as bad as I'm making it out to be?
Do I tell my sister my concerns (which will very likely be met with her just telling me it'll be fine, and don't worry, and you're not allowed to know the details.) or do I keep the attitude of "she's doing something nice for you. let it go."

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Re: Mom at Bachelorette

  • I would love my mom to be at my party, though she is a ton of fun and will drink a little, either way you have a great night! If mom is there or if she is not!
    image 220 Are ready to party!
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  • Do you know what sort of activities your sister has planned? I know a lot of brides who went to dinner first (which mom/aunts etc attended) and then went out to the bars/clubs etc and moms et al went home. Could your sister be thinking of something like that? I personally wouldn't want my mother to come out to a rowdy night of bar hopping, but just dinner would be OK with me. I think it's fine to express your concerns/prefences with your sister but at the end of the day, she's the host and the host determines the guest list.
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  • I would feel uncomfortable having my mom at my bachelorette party, and I think my friends would find it awkward as well. 
  • I can't even fathom a mother WANTING to go to their daughter's bachelorette party.  It sounds a bit co-dependent to me.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mom-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2f54d22c-bf27-4c89-a43e-ca30c809b9a5Post:b32fbad6-c1b1-4bc7-b085-b92ffc8eea51">Re: Mom at Bachelorette</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't even fathom a mother WANTING to go to their daughter's bachelorette party.  It sounds a bit co-dependent to me.
    Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]
    Agreed. My mom has heard of people having their moms at bachelorette parties and she thinks it's a bit silly. I love my mom, am super close to her, and love hanging out with her, but I wouldn't even want her to tag along for dinner, much less go out afterwards.
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  • My shower & bachelorette is the weekend before the wedding on purpose because my mom & sis live 2000 miles away & i could not imagine having a shower without my mom, invites will go out early to give plenty of notice. 

    My mom will be at my bachelorette but she was never really my mom anyways, more a friend, i took care of the house since i was 10, she will be fun & it won't be very wild anyways, i am pretty conservative but yet have my eyes open to the real world lol.
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  • My mom is so traditional and proper. That would be way creepy.
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  • I think moms at a bachelorette party could be a buzz kill. My mom isn't going to mine nor does she have any interest in going, her sister (my aunt) on the other hand thinks she's invited. That could be because she invited herself, and will be informed by my mom and sister that it's inappropriate for her to attend. I think you should voice your concerns to your sister, it's your bachelorette party and it should be what you want. Why aren't you allowed to know the details? My sister and I are planning it together, which is good because I hate surprises & my sister doesn't want to do anything I wouldn't like. I would choose which item is more important to you the date of the party, or your mom being invited (more like not being invited). Good luck
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  • To be honest, the only place I've ever even heard of mothers going to bachelorette parties is on Bridezillas - and it's usually the episodes when you can look at the mother and figure out where the bride got her bad attitude and behavior.

    I say if you don't want your mother there, step up and say something - express how you think it will be awkward with her there, even if you're not doing anything super risque.  And if your sister won't listen, find out if your mom already knows about it and if she actually wants to come in the first place.
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  • My mom has already told me she doesn't want to be there.  I've known some girls to do a spa day where their moms are invited then go out to the bars or whatever crazy thing they are going to do.  Seeing as how we have a family beach house, if part of my bachelorette was going to the beach and my mom was there I'd be fine with it.  It's a private family beach and in my opinion I'd rather go there for free than pay to go somewhere.  My cousin is planning it (it's my aunt's beach house too) so I wouldn't be surprised if it was at the beach because I overheard something about the beach, but I know there is something after where my mom would not come.  IF we needed a ride home she would certainly come get us though.
  • My mom also has no desire to be there. She realizes the bachelorette party is really for me and my girlfriends. Not that my party will be that wild but I know there will be a naughty cake and gifts. That just crosses a line for me to share that with my mom.  
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    image 215 Invited so far!
    image 160 Are ready to party!
    image 30 Will be missing out!
    image 25 Are MIA!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mom-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2f54d22c-bf27-4c89-a43e-ca30c809b9a5Post:f709ca69-5d5d-4d60-ac4e-d3919870c8f1">Re: Mom at Bachelorette</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mom is so traditional and proper. That would be way creepy.
    Posted by tyleet87[/QUOTE]

    Ditto
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mom-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2f54d22c-bf27-4c89-a43e-ca30c809b9a5Post:b32fbad6-c1b1-4bc7-b085-b92ffc8eea51">Re: Mom at Bachelorette</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't even fathom a mother WANTING to go to their daughter's bachelorette party.  It sounds a bit co-dependent to me.
    Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]



    This.
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  • My mom and FMIL will be at my bachelorette party. They are both party animals. It's gonna be a lot of fun!
    June 16, 2012
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  • My mom is actually my matron of honor. I am very close to my mom, and all my friends love her. I am actually close to my aunts (mom's sisters) as well and all will be attending my Bach. Party. That being said, if you are not close to your mom or don't have that kind of comfortable relationship with your mom then you need to let your sister know.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mom-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2f54d22c-bf27-4c89-a43e-ca30c809b9a5Post:89742529-87ad-4890-8525-78b2f85af64f">Re: Mom at Bachelorette</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe co-dependent isn't the right word, but OP obviously doesn't feel completely comfortable with her mom to going to her BP, yet she's still going to be there. I certainly didn't mean to pass judgment on anyone, so sorry if it came across that way. I also wanted to point out that just because someone doesn't want their mom at their BP party doesn't mean they don't have a close relationship with them. I have a super close, great relationship with my mother--it's been just her and I for a long time. However, she's not coming to my BP. It's not going to be raunchy or anything, just dinner, drinks, and dancing, but I want to be with just my friends. I'm sure there will be some dinner conversation that I wouldn't want my mom to hear/my friends wouldn't want to discuss in front of my mother, but that doesn't mean we're not close. Just like some of y'all felt you were getting judged for having your moms at your BP, I sort of began to feel like I was getting judged for NOT having mine at my party. Just because I don't want her there doesn't mean we don't have a close relationship.
    Posted by courtneyclare103[/QUOTE]

    I think it is a very personal decision and no matter what anyone decides it is fine. But I agree with you, the original poster isnt comfortable with her mom being there and therefore she shouldnt be there. I couldnt agree more!
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