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Elopement: secret or not?

AvoKittyAvoKitty
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in Offbeat Weddings
My fiance and I are planning a private wedding for this spring with just us, our officiant, and witnesses. Wondering if we should tell our families what our plans are before the wedding? They know we are engaged and right now everyone is kind of expecting us to plan a regular, traditional wedding. My family in particular has been really pushy about planning a wedding asap after we got engaged, and are somewhat aggravated that we have not "planned faster". On one hand, I think they might be pushy about making wedding plans over the next couple months if we don't share the news. On the other hand, I'm concerned that they might become pushy about coming to our wedding if we tell them in advance. To anyone who has eloped - what has been your experience with telling your family before or after?

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Re: Elopement: secret or not?

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    BMcLeodTeamBMcLeodTeam member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    I didn't elope but my question is if you don't tell them, and they find out after, will it hurt them? I know we considered it and changed our mind, but when we were considering it I would have definitely told my family because I couldn't stand how much it would hurt my mother that I didn't share that information with her.
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    AvoKittyAvoKitty
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    I mean that is the question I am asking...whether to tell them in advance of the wedding or after it happens. Are you saying that you would have told them before?
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    FluffyGumDrop2FluffyGumDrop2 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I believe traditionally with elopements you don't tell anyone before you do it. There's nothing wrong with elopements as long as you're prepared for whatever fallout may or may not happen when the families find out. 

    From the sounds of your post, I get the feeling your parents won't be pleased to find out after the fact that you've gotten married and they weren't there to see it. You also mention though that even if you tell them beforehand about the elopement you're worried they will try to come. To me as an outsider, it seems like you're family will be upset either way because no matter which way you do it, they won't get any invite regardless. 

    You know your family best and unfortunately, this isn't something we can really help answer for you. Some families don't care about not being invited to an elopement, while some families won't speak to whoever eloped for years out of resentment/hurt feelings of not being invited to see the wedding. 

    If it were me, I would invite just the parents and have the super small wedding since I don't think it'd technically be called an elopement if you invite people. 
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    anssettanssett member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I'm having a "planned elopement" this spring. We wanted a TINY wedding, and have tons of friends/family who want to celebrate with us, but I don't want a giant wedding event. We want a tiny tiny intimate event, so that's what we're doing. We're having a party a few months later and inviting family but the pressure of wedding expectations made me cranky and I'm not putting up with it. 

    People are playing drama games and guilt trips and what not about not being invited to the elopement and it makes me sad that they're putting their desires over ours. I'm not caving. I'm politely saying "thanks for your interest (or well wishes or whatever) and we hope you'll join us for the informal party this summer".

    I know this is very very non-traditional, but I'm incredibly introverted and get very stressed by stressed by events where I'm expected to do/say/be a certain way and feel on display for other's expectations instead of what I actually want. I did that wedding show game years ago for my first marriage and don't want it, period.  I'm 32 now. I get to have the wedding I want! 
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    MrsHoward2BeMrsHoward2Be member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I'm eloping next month we haven't told anyone yet. Not sure if we will.
    http://melissadebro.blogspot.com/?m=0
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